


Blackbird

by sterekandstonyanddestiel3ohmy



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Mpreg, Odin (Marvel)'s Good Parenting, Teen Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2019-06-09 20:49:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 50,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15275910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sterekandstonyanddestiel3ohmy/pseuds/sterekandstonyanddestiel3ohmy
Summary: Loki has been in love with his brother for as long as he could remember. At a party one night, Loki and Thor get drunk and sleep together. After some convincing, Loki agrees to date Tony in an attempt to make their respective love interests jealous. But it isn’t going to be so easy for Loki, especially since he has a growing reminder of the night of the party. Loki attempts to keep this a secret from everybody knows, resulting in a tough senior year of high school.





	1. The Party

Chapter One: The Party

 

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night._

 

Loki sits in the backseat of his brother’s car, headphones on and staring out the window. Some of his brother’s friends occupy the rest of the seats. Clint Barton is thrumming his fingers on the window directly in front of Loki, while Steve Rogers sits uncomfortably between Loki and Bucky Barnes, who sings along to the music with Thor. Loki just rolls his eyes and presses himself impossibly closer to the car door. When they finally arrive at the school, Loki all but jumps out of the door and takes out one ear bud. “Goodbye, brother!” Thor calls as Loki walks away. Loki waves a dismissive hand at him without turning around. 

 

Loki walks into the red brick school and ventures through a giant crowd of people to make his way to his own green locker, in a sea of identical green lockers. He slides his backpack from his shoulder and begins to unpack and repack the things he needs for class. Someone flicks his long black hair as they pass him, and Loki huffs in annoyance. 

 

“Hey, reindeer games,” Tony Stark says as he opens his own locker. 

 

“Stark,” Loki greets with a small glare. 

 

“As charming as always, Odinson,” Tony laughs. “My parents are going to be out of town this weekend. We all know what that means!” When Loki ignores him, Tony bumps his shoulder with his own. “Party at my place, and I expect your usual grumpy self to make an appearance and blow off some steam.”

 

“The fact that you imbeciles all want to get drunk on a Friday night when we have only been in school for two weeks is beyond inane.” 

 

“Whatever you say, Lokes. I’ll see you there,” Tony smirks as he shuts his locker and walks away.

 

Despite being a year younger than Thor and all of his friends, Loki is in the same grade as them. Loki is relieved by this fact, as he is very ready to be done with high school. He just has to endure nearly nine more months.

 

Loki braves his first class, AP Literature, which he shares with his brother’s almost bearable friend, Bruce Banner, and his less bearable friend, Phil Coulson. Then again, Phil is especially hard to deal with for Loki, since he is dating Clint, who is the hardest friend of Thor’s for Loki to deal with. The teacher passes out some new Shakespeare play for them to study. Loki has already read it, which is par for the course. So he spends most of the time doodling on his notebook, instead of taking notes on the play. 

 

His second class is Chemistry, which he has with both Bruce and Tony. Tony spends most of the time trying to get a rise out of Loki and getting scolded by Bruce. Loki spends most of the time actually attempting to listen to the teacher, as science is his toughest subject. 

 

By the time he gets to third period, Calculus, he is already ready to be done with the day. He is ready to lock himself in his room and listen to his music while he does his homework. He is ready to ignore the world for a while. Thor and Clint are both in the class, and they sit in the back while Loki sits in the front. Of course, then the teacher decides that nobody in the back is paying attention so everyone in the back has to come to the front and vise versa. Loki begrudgingly grabs his things and walks past his brother and his stupid friend, slumping down in a seat in the back of the classroom. From there, he has a perfect view of his brother, which frustrates him beyond belief. 

 

It wasn’t like it is hurting anyone, these thoughts he has of Thor. Nobody else knows about them, and he never acts on them and never intends to, so why should he feel guilty for feeling this way? It’s not like anyone notices that he stares at Thor’s ass when he wears his football or baseball uniforms. It isn’t like they can tell that he wants to feel his stubbly beard scratch his face. And they definitely don’t know how he desperately wants his brother to kiss him, hold him, fuck him. Nope. Nobody could know these things. So, he doesn’t feel guilty about it, any of it. 

 

But man is it hard to not to do anything when Thor tips his head back with a booming laugh at lunch fourth period. Fifth period is Loki’s dream, no Thor, none of Thor’s friends and it is theater, none the less! He can just be there, and can focus on something he enjoys and not something he hates. Sixth period is okay, Government with Steve, who could really be worse than he actually is. Seventh period is French, which Loki finds pointless to take, but he only has to deal with Natasha Romanoff, who is fluent in many different languages and really only takes the class to not have to take another elective. But eighth period is gym, which he already hates with every fiber in his being, and is shared with Natasha and Clint. And then Tony, Steve, Bucky, Thor and the rest of the football team come in before the period is out to change into their gear, and fuck is it hard for Loki not to react to seeing Thor in his uniform. 

 

Loki then spends the time during Thor’s practice at a library a few blocks away from the school. He walks there, spends a few hours working on homework, and usually walks back to the school to wait by the car. Soon after he usually arrives back at school, his brother and his friends come out to the parking lot. Tony usually drives Steve and Bucky home, while Loki and Thor wait for Clint to get out of archery practice. Clint is the star of the school’s archery team, and has to wait around until everyone else on the team leaves, which meant that Loki and Thor often have to wait around for quite a while, or they every so often drive someone else home. Clint lives across the street from them, with a foster family. He doesn’t have a car, so Thor has so graciously volunteered to drive him to and from school. 

 

Steve and Bucky live a few miles away from their house, and the apartment building they both lived in was on the way to school for both Thor and Loki and Tony. So usually Thor picks them up in the morning and Tony drops them off. So, that’s what’s happening today, no different than usual. Loki sits in the back seat with the door open and his legs dangling out of it as he reads a book, while Thor stands outside the car, fiddling with his phone. After a few peaceful moments for Loki, Thor sighs loudly, signaling to Loki that he is bored. Loki rolls his eyes and continues reading. “What are you reading?” Thor asks. 

 

“War and Peace,” Loki answers without looking up. 

 

“ _Again_?” Thor asks incredulously. 

 

“Again,” Loki confirms. 

 

“Why do you reread books? I don’t even enjoy reading books once, let alone a half dozen times, like you seem to do with every book.”

 

“Yes, Thor, we all know you do not even read most books you are supposed to read. Maybe you should actually attempt to read a book, cover to cover, for once. You may enjoy it, if it can get past your dull senses.”

 

Thor frowns down at Loki and opens his mouth to respond, when Clint interrupts them. “Let’s blow this popsicle stand!” 

 

Loki swings his legs into the car and pulls the door shut, even more effectively ending the conversation. The drive home is uneventful. When they park in the driveway, Clint says his goodbyes, telling them that he will be by later to go to the party. Loki escapes to his bedroom, leaving Thor downstairs. Upon entering his bedroom, Loki quickly shuts the door behind himself and walks over to his bed, sinking onto the soft mattress, pressing his face against the black comforter and sighing. One more week over, making it two weeks down, about thirty-four more weeks to go. 

 

Loki starts his homework while he listens to music. A few hours later, Thor knocks at his door, telling him that their mother said it is time for dinner. Loki shuts his books and turns off his music before going downstairs and joining his family in the dining room. His parents are the dining room table people, eating there at dinner time, not just special occasions like most families. Usually they eat breakfast on the go and lunch in the kitchen, but dinner is usually at the dining room table. So Loki sits down in his usual seat, passing around the food as it is passed to him, until everyone was ready. In an old fashioned manner, they wait to eat until their father, Odin, has begun to eat. It really peeves Loki now that he understands why they even do that. He ponders about the power dynamics of his family while his family talks about their days. 

 

“How was your day, Loki?” Frigga, their mother asks, pulling him from his thoughts. 

 

“It was fine,” Loki answers, and continues at Odin’s narrowed eyes. “Classes were easy, gym was boring, homework was uneventful. Business as usual.” 

 

Odin looks away, seemingly satisfied by the answer. “You could learn a lot from Thor, Loki. He has a lot of friends, is involved in many extracurricular activities, and still finds time to get good grades. Maybe you should spend more time with him.” 

 

Loki presses his lips together, trying not to lash out in frustration, when Thor intervenes. “Loki is coming with me to hang out with friends tonight. We probably won’t be back until morning, I think we will crash at Phil’s place.” Loki shoots a disbelieving look at Thor. Like their parents would fall for that. 

 

“That’s great, honey. You boys be sure to have fun,” Frigga says with a smile. Loki frowns and goes back to eating. 

 

When dinner is over, Thor walks by Loki, who is washing the dishes. He bumps his shoulder into his and stands there. “We are leaving at ten, be changed and ready to go by then. Pack a change of clothes, and anything else you might want. We won’t be able to come home until we aren’t drunk.”

 

“Whatever,” Loki grumbles. Thor claps his hand on his shoulder and smiles before walking out of the kitchen. 

 

But Loki does as he is told, packing his backpack and changing into black skinny jeans and an emerald green button up. He walks down the stairs right at ten, where Thor is waiting for him. Thor’s eyes widen when he sees Loki but he quickly recovers, pushing him gently to the front door, calling, “Bye guys, we’ll see you tomorrow!” 

 

Clint is waiting by the car when they get out and he wolf whistles at Loki, who ignores him and gets in the front seat. “Hey, I wanted shotgun,” Clint whines, but Thor says something to him quietly as Loki shuts the door and he backs down, getting into the back seat. 

 

They stop to pick up Steve and Bucky, and Bucky comments, “Hey, look, silver tongue can actually clean up nice after all.” Steve must elbow him or something because then he is shouting, “Not nice, Stevie!” before shutting up. 

 

When they arrive at Tony’s place, the party is already started. Clint runs off to join Natasha and Phil while Steve and Bucky go looking for Tony and Thor goes straight for the nearest available alcohol. Loki finds himself just standing in the grass in front of the mansion, staring at the mass of teenagers. Loud music pours out of the building, and Loki wonders how they expect this party to not get broken up by the cops. A few minutes later, Tony shows up and shakes his head in disappointment at Loki, grabbing his arm and dragging him into the mansion. He walks up to a keg and gets Loki a cup, and chugs one in turn. “Come on, Lokes, lighten up!” Tony continues to encourage him to drink until he finally relaxes and starts to enjoy himself. 

 

About an hour later, Loki is very drunk, and is walking around the party when he sees Thor standing by a group of girls. He’s talking to Jane Foster, who Loki has hated ever since eighth grade, when she’d poured her milk on his head at lunch. Something inside Loki just snaps and he approaches Thor and slides himself into the group. Jane glares at him, which causes Thor to turn towards Loki. The smile that stretches across his face is almost blinding, “Loki!” he cheers. Then he takes another longer look at him and frowns, “Wait, are you actually drunk?” 

 

“I didn’t know that the freak was invited,” Jane says with her hands on her hips. 

 

He doesn’t know why he does it, but it makes sense in his head in the moment. He immediately snarls at Jane Foster, and leans forward and pours his cup of beer on her head. She gasps and screams, and launches herself at him, hitting him hard and causing him to fall to the floor, bringing her down with him. Now there is a huge crowd around them, watching the struggle as Jane hits Loki as he’s pinned to the ground. When he gets a chance, Loki pushes her off of him and hits her back. But she isn’t ready to quit, and she is not near as drunk as he is and they end up squabbling on the ground until large arms wrap around Loki and lift him off the floor and away from Jane. But this couldn’t happen before she got a real good punch in and his nose started to bleed. 

 

Loki’s vision blurs and he wobbles on his feet, but Thor keeps him upright with a strong arm around his waist. He can hear Thor’s voice shouting at someone, but he can’t make out the words. Everything seems distant, and then he's vomiting on the floor by Jane’s feet. Before he knows it, Thor is dragging him away. He drags him over to Tony’s stairs, and Loki distantly recognizes Tony’s voice as Thor lifts him up and carries him up the stairs. He is set on a bed in one of the spare bedrooms, and Thor and Tony talk near the door before Tony leaves to return to the party. Loki drifts off to sleep. 

 

When he wakes up, Thor is sitting next to him on the bed, handing him a glass of water. “How long was I out?” Loki slurred slightly.

 

“Just half an hour, light weight,” Thor answers. “I got a lot of the blood off of your face, but your nose is still pretty gnarly. Sit up so I can take care of it.” 

 

Loki complies with a grumble, “Not a lightweight. Not that drunk.”

 

“Whatever you say, LoLo.” Loki smiles slightly at the old nickname that Thor hasn’t used for years. Thor wipes the blood from his nose and makes sure that nothing is broken. “Why’d you do it?” Thor looks so disappointed that it almost brakes Loki’s heart. 

 

“Eighth grade,” Loki replies quietly. 

 

Thor frowns, “What happened in eighth grade?” 

 

“You don’t remember?” Loki asks in disbelief. “Oh, right, you were sick the day it happened and were too hopelessly in love with her to believe the stories.” 

 

“I was not hopelessly in love with her.” 

 

Loki rolls his eyes. “I was able to answer all of the questions right about Norse mythology and she got annoyed and called me a freak. A few weeks later, I was sitting alone at lunch because you were gone and Sif and your other middle school buddies were not letting me sit with them because they didn’t like me. She had the whole middle school convinced that I was a freak at this point, and that it was contagious. She came up to me with her friends. She said that the only way to keep the freak from spreading was to cover the original source in milk. So she took her milk carton and poured it on my head and then had all of her friends do the same. When it was finally over, I just grabbed my things and went to the bathroom by the school library, wringing milk out of my clothes and hair into the sink and trying to clean myself with the paper towels.” By now, Thor is staring at him in silence, looking so shocked and sad. “It was the worse day of my life. And what made it the worst, as if the milk thing wasn’t enough, was that you weren’t there. And you didn’t notice, but I thought you knew and didn’t care. And it hurt so bad, Thor. That my own brother wouldn’t help me when I needed him to. That he had heard the stories and chosen those kids over me.”

 

“Loki…”

 

Loki swats at the tears that begin to spill from his eyes. “And when I came back with you on that Monday, I walked into the lunch room and everyone was staring at me, and you stared with them and then just got up from your table and left the room, and that was it for me. I started to skip going to lunch and just ate my food in the bathroom. You never asked me about it, I never talked about it, and we just… drifted apart. We were never the same after that, and it kills me. All the time.” 

 

“Loki, I am so sorry. I never knew. I never, ever knew. I never would have… if I knew…. I should never have let us grow apart, Loki.” Thor’s hand is on his cheek, and Loki looks at him. And he closes his eyes with a sigh, and Thor leans closer. And then they are kissing. It is not an innocent kiss, like the ones they shared as children. It was a kiss full of passion, full of love, full of _lust_. “Loki, Loki,” Thor whispers when he pulls back, pressing small kisses onto his cheeks and nose and then again on his lips. Loki wraps his hands around Thor’s neck and pulls him closer. 

 

Thor moves to lay flush against Loki, who he guides down into a lying position on the bed. Loki grabs at Thor’s grey T-shirt and pulls it up. Thor pulls back to get it up over his head. Loki’s hands glide over Thor’s bare back and chest as they kiss. Thor’s fingers move to Loki’s buttons on his shirt and undo them, sliding the shirt off him with minimal struggle. Loki’s hands slide down Thor’s sides until they fall on Thor’s belt buckle. He starts to undo it but Thor groans and reaches out to stop him. Loki looks up, slightly panicked that he’d done something wrong. “Are you sure, Loki?”

 

Loki shudders at Thor’s husky voice. “Yeah, I’m sure.” Thor lets go of his hands, and he undoes the belt buckle, pulling the belt off Thor’s pants and then undoes the button and zipper, and Thor leans back on his heels to pull them down and off. Then Thor’s hands go down to Loki’s pants, pulling them off for him. Loki groans as he is freed from the confines of his tight pants. 

 

“Commando, huh, LoLo? Did you show up thinking you were gonna get lucky?” Thor teases, and gently palms Loki’s cock. Loki hisses and moans. “I’m gonna take care of you, little brother. Gonna get some supplies from the nightstand. Don’t worry, I’ll be right back.” Loki whines as Thor moves away, his ever hardening cock exposed to cold air as Thor removes his hand. Thor grabs a bottle of lube and a condom. “Gonna get you ready for me, Loki. You’re gonna need to be prepped well for me, I’m _huge,_ ” Thor whispers in his ear. With that, he pops the bottle of lube open and spreads some of the liquid on his fingers, warming it up before teasing his first finger down to Loki’s entrance. He slowly slides it in and Loki whines. It is nothing like his own slender and long fingers. “Okay?” Thor asks, and Loki nods. Thor slowly works his finger in and out, deeming Loki ready before slowly adding another finger. He curls the two fingers inside of Loki until he finds the spot that makes him moan loudly. He arches his hips up and forward, trying to keep Thor doing it. Thor chuckles and slowly adds a third finger, causing Loki to shout and squirm. Loki comes untouched then, spilling against his stomach. Thor pulls his fingers away from his prostate, just keeping his fingers there while Loki comes down from his high. 

 

After a few minutes, Thor bends his face down to gently lick at Loki’s cock, and Loki yelps in surprise. It doesn’t take long for Loki to start to get hard again, and he has to push at Thor’s head before he gets too worked up again. “I need you in me, _now_.” And Thor complies, withdrawing his fingers from Loki’s body and moving his face away from Loki’s crotch. Thor goes to grab the condom, and Loki stops him. “Are you clean?” Thor nods, dumbstruck. “Then let’s just forget the condom.” Thor goes to protest, but Loki whines. “Please?” So Thor goes for the lube again and lubes up his giant cock, which Loki hadn’t seen before. Loki whined at the sight, “Is that even going to _fit_ in me?” 

 

Thor laughs, “I’m pretty sure it will fit. Are you sure you want this, Lo? You can always tell me to stop.”

 

“I know, I know already. Just get inside me!” And Thor does as he’s told, fucking Loki gently until Loki demands more, more, _more_. Thor uses one hand to balance himself and the other to jerk Loki off. Loki comes with a shout, “ _Thor_!” Thor isn’t far behind him, pulling out once he has come and rolling to the side of Loki. He kisses Loki’s dark, sweaty hair, and whispers something in Loki’s ear. But Loki is already asleep. 

 

 


	2. After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki wakes up the morning after. Tony and Loki make a decision to take matters of the heart into their own hands.

Chapter Two: After

 

_Take these broken wings._

 

Loki wakes up to his head throbbing and his ass aching. He groans as he rolls onto his back, slowly blinking heavy eyes open to stare at the ceiling. He lies there, trying to remember where he is and what has happened. In a rush, it all comes back to him. Tony’s party, getting drunk-more so than ever before- and Thor bringing him up after his tussle with Jane Foster. The memory of the sex that followed slapped him in the face. “ _Fuck_ ,” Loki hisses. He turns his head to see that the place Thor had been the night before was empty. “ _Fuck_ ,” he whimpers. He had _sex_ with his _brother_. Of course he is gone. What is Loki thinking? That Thor will be cool with the whole incest thing and will, what? Start dating him? Yeah, right. Idiot. 

 

He slowly sits up and swings his legs off the mattress, sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. This aggravates his sore nose, and causes a few tears to spring to his eyes in surprised pain. After a few moments of wallowing in self pity, Loki gets up and grabs his bag, which someone has left by the door with a bottle of water and some Aspirin. He downs the pills and half of the water before digging in his bag for clothes to put on. After getting dressed, Loki leaves the room and goes to find the nearest bathroom. Once inside, he closes the door and takes a look in the mirror. His hair is a wild mess, his nose is swollen and bruised, and he kinda looks like he’s gone nine rounds with death. After taking care of himself, he makes his way downstairs. He doesn’t realize it is pretty late in the day until he sees Tony in the kitchen by himself, pulling food from the cupboards. When he hears Loki come in, he turns his head and smiles at him. “Hey, hot shot. How’s the head?” 

 

“Fine,” Loki says, sitting on a bar stool at the kitchen island. 

 

“Mhmm,” Tony intones, doubtingly. “I had Thor bring your stuff and some meds up there for you after your mystery lover left.” Loki feels his face heat up, and Tony laughs as he hands him a box of cereal. “Yeah, you weren’t exactly quiet about it. I’ll be honest, I didn’t think you had it in ya. I didn’t take you for the one night stand kind of guy.” Loki looks down at the table, trying to pretend that hearing those words doesn't hurt. “Wait, did you not want it to be a one night stand?” Tony asks, and Loki looks up in surprise. “Oh man, you wanted a relationship out of that, not just a one night stand, didn’t you?” 

 

“What does it matter to you, Stark?” 

 

Tony smirks, “Well, I have an idea that will help both of us.” At Loki’s raised eyebrow, Tony continues, “We both want to be with someone who doesn’t know what they are missing, not being with us. So I say we make them see _exactly_ what they are missing.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Loki asks. 

 

“Date me,” Tony replies. 

 

“ _Excuse me_?” 

 

“To make our respective people jealous, we should go out with each other to make them see how good it can be. Come on, it isn’t like we actually have to date, just pretend around school and the group and stuff. We both know that our hatred towards each other is more out of obligation at this point than actual hatred. We can pretend that it has always been flirting and now we are acting on it. It will be especially easy, since I flirt with everyone.” 

 

“You’re serious? You really want to pretend to date me?” Loki asks slowly. “To make Rogers and Barnes jealous?”

 

“ _Excuse me_? How do you know who I’m talking about?” Tony asks in a high and panicked voice. 

 

Loki snickers, “Because you are easy to read, lead head. I’ve known about your pining for almost a whole year now.”

 

Tony frowns, “Do they know?”

 

Loki shakes his head, “They are just as dull as you are.” 

 

“So, are we going to do this?” Tony asks after a few minutes of them not talking, just eating cereal. 

 

Loki fiddles with the spoon in his hand, “Fine. But either one of us can back out at any time, no questions asked.” 

 

Tony nods, “That’s fair.” They shake on it, and a few more minutes of quiet eating later, Tony speaks up. “So, who are you pining for? I think it’s only fair that I know yours, since you know mine.” 

 

Loki shakes his head, “I only know yours because you are obvious about it. If you guess correctly, then you get to know. Until that time comes, you’ll just have to live without that knowledge.”

 

“What knowledge?” Clint asks as he walks into the room with Phil. “Wow, I didn’t know Jane Foster could punch that hard.” Loki glares at him as Phil rolls his eyes as he pours himself some cereal. Clint sits on the counter top with his own bowl, legs dangling off the edge.

 

“Morning,” Steve greets cheerily as he walks in, Thor and Bucky behind him talking to each other. 

 

“Ugh, how can someone be that chipper after the night we had?” Tony complains. “Seriously, Captain Perfect, do you shoot caffeine directly into your bloodstream when you wake up?” 

 

Steve flushes, “No, I’m just a morning person. And I didn’t drink near as much as anyone else did.”

 

“Yeah, Tony,” Bruce says from the doorway, “not everyone got utterly wasted last night.” 

 

“I don’t know how you stay completely sober at parties, Brucie Bear.” 

 

“Ah, don’t mock Bruce for not partaking in drinking. Not everyone likes to drink,” Thor says, smiling brightly but not looking at Loki. 

 

“Yeah, well, we all thought your brother didn’t like to partake in a lot of things until last night,” Bucky jokes. 

 

“Hey!” Tony and Thor both protest. Thor looks at Tony in surprise. 

 

“What the hell, Tony, you hate him, why are you defending him?” Clint asks. 

 

“Come on, guys, you know they don’t actually hate each other,” Natasha says as she enters the room. “It’s all a big show.”

 

“She’s right. It’s all just been a big show,” Tony says, and Loki looks at him in surprise. _Now?_ he mouths and Tony gives a slight nod. “We came to our senses this morning and decided that we were going to start dating.” The room grows silent as everyone deals with varying degrees of surprise.  

 

“What?” Clint asks, finally breaking the silence. 

 

“Don’t be so surprised. I am capable of emotion every once and a while,” Loki snaps. 

 

Everyone expresses some form of acknowledgement to the “couple”, except Thor, who only says something quietly to Tony. Tony is visibly anxious about whatever is said, but he doesn’t yell or get sick, so Loki assumes he hadn’t told Tony about the night before. 

 

About an hour later, they all go home. Loki sits in the back seat, electing to stare out the window and pretend his brother does not exist. When they get back home, Clint slips out of the car with a quiet goodbye, and Thor and Loki both just sit there in silence for a minute. “Loki…” Thor starts. Unable to stand it, Loki opens the door and pushed his way out of the car, heading towards the house and almost running up the stairs to his room. 

 

He spends the rest of his day doing homework and hiding from the world. He tells his mom that he isn’t hungry when she asks about dinner, and she accepts the answer but seems a little upset about it. He decides he will repay her later, with a day of cooking together or shopping or something. He keeps both his doors shut unless he leaves for the bathroom. He and Thor share a bathroom that connects both their rooms and Loki has never hated it more than he does right now. But after simply shutting Thor’s door the first time he goes into the bathroom, the door to Thor’s bedroom stayed firmly shut unless he is using the bathroom himself. 

 

Around ten o’clock, his phone beeps. It’s a text message from Tony, he finds. _Hey, thought we should set up some ground rules for this thing._

 

 _What did you have in mind?_ Loki typed back. 

 

_I think we should start slow, holding hands in the halls and sitting next to each other at lunch._

 

_Seems fair._

 

_Then maybe kissing, and a few “dates”. We can’t have Clint and Thor saying that you’re never alone with me. I can hang out with you after school sometimes and you can come cheer me on at football games. Boyfriend stuff, you know?_

_Whatever you want._

 

 _Great! See you Monday!_ Loki rolls his eyes and flops back on the bed. He falls asleep early that night.

 

Sunday is uneventful. He sneaks down for breakfast while Thor is in the shower and takes food up with him for lunch. He comes down for dinner, because Thor is out with friends. Odin says that Thor told them that he was dating Tony. He tells them it is true and that makes Frigga so happy and Odin so silently angry that it makes him want to scream and tell the truth. He’s not dating Stark; they are pretending so Tony can try to wedge his way into a polyamorous relationship, and so he can try to what? Woo his _brother_? For some reason, Loki thinks that would not go over well. So he just nods along to all that is said. 

 

Thor comes back when it is already dark outside, while Loki is reading _War and Peace_ with his bedroom door open. He stands in the doorway, looking hopeful and looking like he wants to talk. Loki gets up and walks to the door, and looks Thor in the eye, and pushes his door shut. The look on Thor’s face as Loki shut the door is heartbreaking. It is something Loki will remember for the rest of his life. He closes his eyes against the tears threatening to spill out and rests his forehead against the door. He lets out a shaky sigh and turns around, slowly sliding his back against the door. He sits there for a long time, tears marking paths down his cheeks. He thought Thor is gone, but after sitting there crying for what felt like forever, he hears a heavy sigh from outside the door and leans his head in time to see, through the slit on the bottom of the door, a dark mass moves away from the door. He hears footsteps walk away from his room and then he hears Thor’s door click shut. Loki gets up then, wiping at his face, and shoves his things into his backpack. Then he climbs into his bed and pulls the covers over his head. He falls asleep, Thor’s hurt expression replaying over and over in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Let me know what you think and if you find any mistakes! :)


	3. Boyfriends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Tony explore their new (fake) relationship, and Loki slowly starts to become friends with the gang.

Chapter Three: Boyfriends

 

_And learn to fly._

 

Loki is eating an apple at the kitchen table the next morning when there is a knock at the front door. Loki looks in the direction of the sound; and Thor’s head pops up and does the same, from where he is busy digging through the fridge. Loki gets up, apple in hand, and walks to the door. He pulls it open to see Tony standing there. Tony smiles when he sees him, and Loki just steps back in surprise. Thor walks up behind him and frowns when he sees Tony standing there. “Tony, what are you doing here?” Thor asks. He leans against the wall, arm supporting him and leaving only a hole under his arm as a way for Loki to get back into the house.

 

“I thought it would be nice if I came and drove Loki to school. You know, since we are dating and all,” he tacks on a huge smile at the end. 

 

“Oh,” Thor mumbles dumbly. 

 

“Ready to go, Lokes?” Tony asks, and Loki just looks at him for a second, before reacting and nodding; turning and ducking under Thor’s arm and going back to the kitchen to toss the rest of his apple and grab his backpack. When he gets back out, Tony guides him to the car and opens the passenger door for him, shutting it when he is in the car. Loki sees Clint and Thor talking and staring at them as he buckles his seat belt. He wonders not for the first time if this “boyfriend” thing is a good idea. 

 

School is pretty much the same, except Loki sits by Tony at lunch, and they hold hands in front of Steve and Bucky. Loki thinks Tony may come out on top in this plan, as both Steve and Bucky stare pointedly at their joined hands and gaze at Tony longingly when he isn’t looking. The week progresses without much extra hassle. On Thursday, Tony comes home with him after school, to do some homework. They start down at the kitchen table, and Thor watches TV in the living room. Loki can feel his eyes burning a hole in the back of his head from time to time, but he does his best to ignore him. Tony finally notices Thor’s staring, and he leans towards Loki and whispers, “Let’s go to your room, he’ll probably leave us alone and will tell the others.” Loki nods and Tony grabs his hand and all of their stuff, pulling Loki behind him as they leave the kitchen. They walk through the living room and Loki watches as Thor stares right into his eyes as they pass by him and head up the stairs. Tony makes a point of shutting Loki’s door loudly, and Loki tries to calm his nerves as they continue to work on their homework quietly. 

 

That Saturday night, there is a football game and Loki is obligated to attend. And unlike all of the other times he is dragged to football games, he cannot hide by a light post and read a book. As a result, Loki finds himself sitting on the cold, hard bleachers by their football field. Clint, Bruce, Natasha, and Phil all sit with him. Clint and Phil hold hands during the game, and Loki makes it his mission to watch them to learn more of this boyfriend stuff. Their fingers caress each other’s hands, almost unconsciously. They share small smiles as they talk and whisper into each other’s ears. 

 

At halftime, they all went down to get snacks and drinks. While Bruce and Loki waited for Phil and Clint and Natasha to get their stuff, Bruce talked to Loki. “I wanted to ask: how are things going with you and Tony? I just know that neither of you have really done much serious dating, and I know that it can be hard sometimes, with Tony.” 

 

Loki stared at Bruce for a moment, and then gave a tiny, soft smile. “Thank you, Banner. But you do not need to worry about me. Things are going well between the two of us.” 

 

It wasn’t even a lie, Loki realized as Clint and Phil and Natasha returned and they all started walking back to their seats. Things _were_ going really well between him and Tony. They were getting a lot of attention from the group, just like Tony had planned. Loki was getting more comfortable with “dating” and Tony was learning his boundaries. They were even starting to get along well. It occurred to Loki, as they sat down in their seats, that he maybe enjoyed the idea of being friends with Tony. He maybe even enjoyed being friends with all of them. 

 

Tony scored the winning touchdown, right at the end of the game. Natasha took Loki’s hand when he made no move to get up, like the rest of them. She pulled him behind her as she followed Phil and Clint and Bruce down the steps of the bleachers. She tugged him onto the field, where their friends on the team were waiting. Tony was talking to Steve and Bucky, but when he saw Loki, he threw on what Loki had deemed his “boyfriend smile” and rushed forward to hug Loki. He lifted him slightly off the ground, and when Loki was back on his feet, he saw Thor frowning behind Tony. “Congratulations on the win,” Loki said with his own smile. 

 

“Thanks, Lokes. Listen, I’ll come get you after I get changed, okay?” he asks, as the team starts to make their way back to the locker room. Loki nods and Tony kisses his cheek. “Be right back!” 

 

The next week, Loki starts to get better at some of the dating habits he’d picked up on from the other couples around school. He’s so used to holding Tony’s hand that he will initiate it whenever he knows Tony would like it. He has gotten much more comfortable kissing, and even initiates some kisses. He lets Tony carry his books during passing periods, and he starts texting Tony more during school when he knows he will be around their friends. Things start to run a little more smoothly for Loki, and he finds himself actually enjoying himself. That’s not to say that he wanted to actually be Tony’s boyfriend, because that was not what he wanted. But he wanted to try to be friends with everyone in the group, so he was having a good time trying that out. 

 

That weekend, there is no game. So Tony suggests they go on their first “real” date. He drops Loki off after school on Friday, and kisses him goodbye in front of Clint and Thor. “I’ll see you tomorrow night, for our big date.”

 

“I look forward to it,” Loki replies with a soft smile. 

 

“Gag me,” Clint mutters, and Loki smirks at him as he turns and walks to the front door. Thor just stands there with his arms crossed over his chest and a small frown on his face. These days, Thor always seems to wear a small frown whenever Loki is around him. 

 

A few hours later, close to the time when Tony will be picking him up, Loki walks downstairs to see Thor and Clint playing video games. “You aren’t spending Friday night with your boyfriend, Barton?” 

 

Clint replies without so much as glancing over at Loki, “He’s picking me up soon, had to wait to borrow his mom’s van.” 

 

“Ah,” Loki nods, grabbing his jacket and slipping it on. 

 

“What about you, Loki? Got a hot date?” Clint asks, looking over and grinning. 

 

“I’d say,” Loki says with a smirk. 

 

“Damn, Tony sure picked a looker this time,” Clint teases, and Thor looks over, trademark frown in place.

 

“Hmm, didn’t approve of his previous choices?” Loki asks. 

 

“Well, they certainly aren’t my type. Too much boob, not enough dick,” Clint jokes with a grin. 

 

Loki laughs at that. Clint’s eyes widen in surprise and Thor visibly is taken aback. Loki stops laughing and frowns, “What’s wrong?” 

 

“I just…” Clint says quietly, hesitantly, “I’ve never heard you laugh before. I mean, a real, genuine laugh.” He turns and looks at Thor, “When was the last time you heard him actually laugh?” 

 

Thor considers it and looks from Clint to Loki, a sad smile in place, “It’s been years… probably since, what, eighth grade?” 

 

There is a knock on the door, and Loki presses his lips together and answers the door, letting Tony in. Tony greets him with a kiss on the cheek, “Hey, you. Hey, boys,” Tony nods in greeting to Clint and Thor. “Am I interrupting something, here?” 

 

“No,” Loki says at the same time Thor says, “Yes.” 

 

Tony looks confused and Loki looks him in the eye, takes his hand, and says, “No, let’s go. Don’t wait up!” he calls over his shoulder. 

 

When they get in the car, Tony turns to him and says, “What’s wrong?” 

 

“Nothing, it’s fine,” Loki says with a tight smile. Tony just looks at him, hand ready to shift into reverse. “I’m _fine_.” 

 

Getting the hint that Loki is not going to tell him what is really going on, Tony starts to drive. They first go to an Italian restaurant, where they spend about half an hour waiting and about an hour and a half eating and talking. After dinner, they get back in the car and Tony takes him somewhere else. They end up at a movie theater, but an older one. It’s the kind that only has two theaters, and two showings of each a night. “Every weekend, they play a different set of old, classic movies. I thought it would be a fun way to spend these “dates”. We’ll see both movies every week that we can go on a “date”, no matter what movies are playing. What do you think?” Tony is rocking back and forth on his heels, telling Loki that this is something that he is actually nervous about hearing Loki’s thoughts on. 

 

“I think… that this is the best idea you’ve ever had.” At that, Tony smiles a blinding smile in response and leads Loki up to where he buys the tickets. 

 

The first movie they watch is _Werewolf of London_ , during which Tony and Loki whisper, making fun of all of the effects and costuming. The second movie is _Mr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde_ , which Loki has never seen before. Afterwards, they go out for ice cream at a gas station, since everything else is already closed. All in all, it is a good night. Loki expresses this to Tony as he drives him home. “I’m glad you enjoyed it, Loki. Maybe this is something that you’d like to do with me, even when we stop this fake relationship.” Loki doesn’t know what to say to that, emotion caught in his throat. “You don’t have to decide anything right now,” Tony rushes to assure him. The pull into Loki’s driveway, then, and Tony looks at him and says, “But I really did have a good time tonight, too.” 

 

They say their goodbyes, and Loki walks into the house, waving at Tony as he drives away. He turns around to fully enter the house and almost runs into Thor, who has the crossed arms, pissy frown look going on. Loki nearly jumps out of his skin in surprise. “What the _hell_?” Loki hisses. 

 

“You were gone a long time, mother and father were concerned. I told them I’d wait for you.” 

 

“And I told you not to wait up for me,” Loki grumbles with a glare. He pushes past Thor to walk into the living room. 

 

“Well, your word isn’t law, Loki,” Thor sasses. 

 

“Yeah, well, neither is yours, Thor!” Loki exclaims as he enters the kitchen and gets a glass of water. 

 

“Would you keep _quiet_?” Thor hisses. “Our parents are _sleeping_.” 

 

“Yeah, well, if you would just _leave_ _me_ _alone_ , I wouldn’t be so loud.” 

 

“Why were you out so late? I thought you were just going on a date, it shouldn’t have lasted nearly six hours!” Thor whisper-yells.  

 

“Why are you so concerned, huh? What does it matter to you?” Loki whisper-yells right back. Thor stares at him with an odd expression on his face, and it just pisses Loki off so he whisper-yells, “Well, I have news for you, _brother,_ my relationship with Tony, or any relationship I have, for that matter, is none of your concern!” With that, Loki takes his glass of water and goes up to his bedroom, closing the door behind himself. 

 

The weekend ends quickly after that, with Loki basically living in his bedroom again. And the next week passes by, a long stream of fake dating and dragging his feet through school. Friday night finds Loki and Tony at the same movie theater, watching _Frankenstein_ and _Dracula_. Saturday finds Loki sitting on the cold metal bleachers again with his friends, watching another game. They win again, and Loki doesn’t wait for Natasha to drag him onto the field this time, he goes and runs right up to Tony and jumps up into his arms and wraps his legs around his waist, kissing him with gusto. When he pulls back, Steve and Bucky are trying to school upset expressions while Tony is trying to downplay his shock and Thor is failing to not look pissed. 

 

After the game, the team goes out to celebrate at a pizzeria, and Loki goes with, playing the role of supporting boyfriend. It is only the team and their girlfriends or boyfriends, so the rest of their friends go home. Loki sits at Tony’s side, while Steve and Bucky and Thor all sit across from them. Tony leans close to whisper over the loud talking going on at the huge table, “That kiss on the football field was amazing. Did you see how jealous it made them? Good thinking, Lokes.” Loki flushes and nods, offering a small smile in response. Loki glances across the table and all three guys sit there with varying degrees of upset emotions on their faces. Loki just kisses Tony’s cheek in retaliation, smirking when he pulls away. 

 

Thor drives Loki home, while Tony opts to drive Steve and Bucky for the first time since this whole “boyfriend” thing started. Thor and Loki sit silently in the car as they drive home. Right as they pulled up their street, Thor brakes the silence. “Why are you dating him?” he asks quietly. 

 

Loki stares at Thor for a minute before clearing his throat and looking away, “Why wouldn't I?”

 

“You could have anyone you wanted, Loki,” Thor says softly. He turns to look at Loki as he parks the car in their driveway. 

 

Loki shakes his head sadly, “I really can’t,” he says, voice breaking on the last word. “Goodnight, Thor.” Loki opens the car door and shuts it quietly as he walks to the front door. He barely makes it up to his room before leaning against the now-closed door and crying silently. He slides his way down the door, resting his tear-streaked face on his knees that are tucked up closely to his chest. 

 

Monday morning, Loki walks downstairs and grabs a bowl of cereal, while Thor is eating some poptarts. Frigga is still home, and she is making lunch to bring with her to work. “Good morning, Loki,” she greets with a smile. “How are you this morning?” 

 

“I am doing well, Mother.” For once, it isn’t just something he is saying to satisfy his mother. He actually feels good; happy and content. After crying himself to sleep on his bedroom floor on Saturday night, he has gained a little more perspective, and a little more will to move past this. For some reason, this causes some sort of issue for Thor, as he looks up at Loki, staring with a confused look on his face. “I am,” he assures his brother with an eye roll. 

 

When Loki strolls out of the house at the same time he usually does now, he actually smiles at Thor. Walking to Tony’s car, Loki feels like he was walking on air. He gets into the passenger seat as if it is the most normal thing he’s ever done. “Morning,” he practically chirps. 

 

Tony looks at him funny for a second before schooling his expression. “Morning, Loki. Listen, what do you think about going to a Halloween party? Pepper Potts is throwing it and invited us, along with the rest of the gang. What do you think?” 

 

Loki shrugs, “Could be fun.” 

 

Tony smiles, “Alright!” 

 

Loki’s good mood lasts for a solid three days. But when he wakes up on Thursday, he is grumpier than ever. He is so mad at everything that their friends think that he and Tony had a fight. Clint shifts uncomfortably in his seat at lunch, “Did you guys get in a fight or something, dude? I haven’t seen you this crabby since that time that I almost shot your foot with one of my arrows in your backyard.” Loki just glares, and Clint holds up his hands in surrender. “Never mind, shesh.”

 

His horrible mood lasts three days. On Sunday morning, Loki wakes up and immediately runs to the bathroom, ignoring Thor’s protests from where he is brushing his teeth at the sink, to throw up. “Oh, man, are you okay?” Thor asks, leaning around the counter to look at Loki, grimace on his face. 

 

Loki just continues to puke in response, and Thor, _blessedly_ , ties his hair back for him. When he is finally done, he sits back on his heels with a groan. A cup of water appears in front of him, and he takes it with a quiet, gravelly, “Thanks.” 

 

He spends most of his day going between his bedroom and the bathroom to get sick. Thor brings him some chicken broth and saltines at dinner time, but Loki can hardly keep even that down. He takes the crackers with him to his bed, hoping that whatever sickness he’s gotten will be gone in the morning.


	4. Tests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki takes a few tests and makes some tough choices.

Chapter Four: Tests

 

_All your life, you were only waiting on this moment to arise._

 

Despite all of Loki’s wishes, he still wakes up and, after sitting up a little too quickly in bed, has to rush to the bathroom. Thor is leaning against the doorframe when he gets up to rinse his mouth out in the sink. “I’ll tell Mother that you are still feeling ill. Get some rest, I’ll stop by and bring you something to eat for lunch.” He turns to leave the room. 

 

“Can you tell Tony, too?” Loki croaks. 

 

Thor pauses, but after a moment turns back to look at Loki, “And I’ll tell Tony.”

 

When Loki finally makes it out of the shower, it’s about the same time Tony should be picking him up. Sure enough, when he come out of his bedroom, he can here Thor talking with Tony. “-not lying. He’s really sick. Can’t keep anything down.” 

 

“Well, maybe I’ll stop by for lunch and-”

 

“I’ve got it, Tony. I’m going to bring him some lunch and check on him.”

 

“Okay, well maybe after school-”

 

“You really shouldn’t be around him, you don’t want to get sick, too.”

 

“But you-”

 

“I already share a bathroom with him, I’ve already been exposed to the germs.” 

 

“Well, we share spit, so-”

 

“I will take care of him, Tony.” Loki’s stomach flutters in a way that is not sending him to the bathroom, and he walks back to his bed, lying down with a soft sigh. 

 

He sleeps most of the morning, and Thor shows up around noon with a bag from their favorite deli, and a cup of some kind of tea. “Peppermint tea to try to settle your stomach, and there’s a ginger ale for later. And I got you your favorite vegetable soup, the kind with the alphabet letters that I know you still secretly love.” 

 

Loki smiles gently, taking the offered items. “Thank you, Thor. Really, thank you for helping me the past couple of days.”

 

“Of course,” Thor says with an odd smile. “What are brothers for?” 

 

The word brothers sits heavily in Loki’s stomach, but he ignores the feeling in favor of sipping at his tea and smiling gently at his brother. 

 

The rest of the day passes by as Loki sleeps most of it away. Sometimes he gets up a little too fast and it sends his stomach reeling again, but by the time dinner rolls around, he’s mostly got his appetite back.

 

The next morning, he gets up slowly and doesn’t have the same pull to run to the bathroom. He gets ready for school and soon finds himself downstairs, eating some fruit and oatmeal that his mother had prepared for him and Thor to eat for breakfast. “Feeling better today, brother?” Thor asks. 

 

“Much better,” Loki answers honestly, shoveling food in his mouth. 

 

He walks out to Tony’s car at his normal time, and Tony gets out to open Loki’s door for him. Tony immediately turns to him once he has gotten back into the car. “What happened to you? And what crawled up your brother’s ass and died?” he asks with a scrunched up expression on his face. “He acted as if you had the plague and he was the only shot at your salvation.”

 

“I got a stomach bug or something, I guess,” Loki replies with a small shrug. “And, as for Thor… who really knows, with him? Besides, we don’t talk much.” 

 

“I noticed that. I mean, you guys used to not really talk too much, but you were always civil and even friendly with each other. Ever since we started this thing, it seems like Thor and you cannot stand to be around each other. And then, you get sick and he’s all macho protective brother.” Loki just sits quietly, choosing not to respond. “What’s with that?” 

 

“I do not know,” Loki lies when it becomes obvious that Tony is looking for a response. 

 

“Hmm,” Tony says, staring at him when they stop at a red light. 

 

When they arrive at the school, the first thing that Loki does is go to the bathroom. Luckily, he just has to pee, not be sick, but it is annoying since he had just went before leaving the house. He makes it through his first class without any problems. Bruce say he is glad he is feeling better, and Loki acts civil towards him in response. On his way to chemistry, he stops in the bathroom once again. He is a little frustrated at his body. First two days of vomiting and now non stop peeing? Will his body ever stop betraying him? 

 

No, the answer is no. He learns this when he is working with Tony, Bruce and some girl at their lab in chemistry. The four of them are just working at the lab, following directions on adding chemicals together, when Loki gets a whiff of the chemicals. He is immediately jumping off of his stool and rushing for the door. He practically runs to the bathroom, where he enters the first stall and precedes to puke his guts out. He regrets his breakfast as he continues to throw up until there is nothing left. When he finally wipes his mouth with toilet paper and flushes the toilet, he gets up to see Tony standing by the sinks, arms crossed over his chest. “Do you want me to bring you to the nurse?” he asks as Loki washes his hands and then rinses his mouth out into the sink. Loki shakes his head. “But Loki, if you are sick you should be at home, not hanging out in the petri dish that is this school.”

 

Loki sighs, “I’ll be okay. I think it was just the smell of the chemicals we were working with. They got to me. It’s probably just me being extra sensitive after my stomach bug.” 

 

“If you’re sure…” 

 

“I am,” Loki assures him, taking a piece of gum that Tony holds out as they leave the bathroom.  

 

At lunch, Loki just sits, pushing some mashed potatoes and peas around his tray. “Hey, Loki, are you feeling okay?” Bucky asks gently from his seat across from him. 

 

Loki looks up at him, surprised that he seems to actually be concerned. “Uh, yeah, just not super hungry.” And it was true. After loosing the big breakfast he’d had, he’s kinda lost his entire appetite in fear that it will happen again. Loki sees Bucky exchange a worried look with Steve, and he attempts to shrink closer to his tray. Then Tony comes back from getting food, and they carry on their typical behavior. 

 

That weekend, Loki goes on a “date” with Tony, and goes to their last Saturday afternoon football game with their friends. He avoids getting concessions, because his stomach is still acting up. Of course, nobody else knows this for sure. Loki keeps as much of his nausea and vomiting to himself, eating light meals and making sure to avoid smelly things as much as possible. Sunday, Tony surprises him by showing up to take him costume shopping for the Halloween party coming up on the next Saturday. They are looking around in a party store when Loki gets distracted. One of the costumes is a “pregnant school girl”. He doesn’t know why that distracted him so much, but he stands there staring at the costume for a solid couple of minutes, before Tony realizes that he is no longer following him. Walking up to him, Tony looks at the costume that Loki is staring at. He laughs, “Wow, that’s a good one. Did you hear of that boy in the areas who got pregnant at, like, twelve? His parents are raising the baby as their own now. But apparently the baby had a lot of issues when it was born, and it was really premature…. You okay, Loki?”

 

Snapping out of his weird trance, Loki nods, “Yeah, I just don’t find it very funny, I guess.” 

 

They end up picking up matching “sexy cop” costumes, and Tony drives a very quiet Loki home. 

 

That night, Loki finds himself staring at the google homepage, fingers frozen over the keys of his laptop. He just has a hard time bringing himself to do it. Finally, he groans in frustration and shuts his laptop, getting up from his desk and flicking off the lights before climbing in bed. 

 

The next morning, he wakes up to an achy chest. Slowly getting out of bed and going to the bathroom, he looks at himself in the mirror. Even after sleeping for a good eight hours, Loki is exhausted. It shows on his face as he stares at the dark circles under his eyes. Sighing, he gets himself ready for the day. 

 

The day goes by as usual, but now that football is over, Loki is going right home with Tony. He is a little nervous to have more time with Tony with Thor around, but he is preparing. 

 

Friday comes quickly, and Loki finally accepts that he needs to find out what is going on with him. 

 

Knowing that it is the best case, Loki escapes school at lunch time that Friday. The store he is walking to is not very close to the school, and he expects to be gone for all of lunch time and most of the next period, theater for him. He is only a couple of blocks away from the school when Tony texts him. 

 

_Where are you?_

 

 _I’m going on a walk. Be back for next period._ Loki quickly replies.

 

 _Make sure you eat,_ comes Tony’s reply. 

 

Loki shoved his phone and hands back in his sweatshirt pockets. He walks into his destination a while later while he takes a deep breath. A bell jingles above his head as he opens the door, and he tries not to flinch. The cashier stares at him as he walks past him, eyes following him as he disappears down an aisle. He walks up and down several aisles, refusing to ask for help. Finally, he finds what he is looking for. He stands in front of the small multicolored boxes, just looking at all of the options. He starts to pull some off the shelf, looking at the boxes to try to tell the difference between them. It seems impossible to know which is the best, so he finally picks three different kinds that say “male” on them, and quickly walks back to the cash register. He refuses to look the cashier in the eye as he rings the boxes up, and he doesn’t even look up as he hands him some money, and takes the change. He grabs the brown paper bag from the cashier and leaves the store. He walks back to school, and slips in as the passing period begins. 

 

He grabs his backpack on his way to the bathroom, and slips the bag inside. He walks into the bathroom and immediately goes into the first stall. He sets his backpack on the floor and slowly and quietly opens it up, pulling the bag out and then taking the three boxes out. He opens the first one and reads the instructions before opening the next two and doing the same. The bell rings then, telling Loki that he is already late for class. But once he knows the instructions for all three, he pees on all three sticks. Then he sets them on the toilet paper dispenser and flushes the toilet. He sits on the lid of the toilet as he waits the appropriate amount of time. He gathers the courage needed and then looks at the results on the tests. 

 

Positive.

 

Positive.

 

 _Positive_. 

 

All three tests conclude the same thing: Loki is utterly and resolutely fucked. 

 

He really doesn’t know what he feels about it all, except that he is very overwhelmed and it is not what he wanted to happen. 

 

He doesn’t know what he is going to do. He doesn’t know if he is going to run down to a clinic and take care of it ASAP. He doesn’t know if he is going to tell his parents and give it away. He doesn’t know if he _wants_ _it_. Right now, the idea of this, of him being… it makes him upset. But he doesn’t know what he is going to do. 

 

And it is one thing for the world to think it is Tony’s fault, but Loki and Tony both know that isn’t true. It is his own brother who has done it to him. It isn’t like people won’t find out. Even if Tony is cool with pretending that it is his, it will come out messed up, right? Incest doesn’t tend to make pretty… results. Man, he is _so_ fucked up. The worst part is that he is still hopelessly in love with him, and wants a repeat of that night _so_ _badly_. 

 

Well, now that he has the results of that night staring right at him, he shouldn’t want a repeat. But, yet, he does. 

 

It isn’t until he was done with the tests that he remembers that he has a test in government today, the class he is now very late for. He creeps out of the bathroom and down the hall until he stands outside the appropriate classroom. Loki holds his breath and walks into the classroom. The door creaks loudly, and Loki presses his lips together tightly, in silent agony at the eyes that all shift to look at him. “Well, Mr. Odinson, how nice of you to join us. Do you have a pass?” the teacher asks, and Loki draws his shoulders in. 

 

“No, I don’t,” he replies quietly, face heating up. 

 

The teacher sighs, annoyed and obviously disappointed, and holds out a test for him to take. “Take your seat.” 

 

Loki follows the directions, sitting in his seat in the middle of the classroom, next to Steve. He slumps forward, resting his face miserably on the desk as he pulls a pencil out of his backpack and starts the test. 

 

The rest of the day drives Loki crazy. Even though it is only two more periods after the government test, it seems like forever. It also seems like the day is slapping him in the face when he gets test results in French, where he’s gotten a C, when he thought he’d be getting an A. And in gym, they tested their mile running times, which Loki hates. But, having so much on his mind turns out to be good for his timing, as he actually runs pretty fast. By the time he finds himself standing by Tony’s car, all he wants to do is sit on his bed and scream into his pillows and cry. 

 

“I’ll pick you up at seven tomorrow night for dinner before the party,” Tony reminds him, and Loki nods distractedly. “You alright, Loki? You’ve been awfully weird the past few weeks. Even weirder than normal,” he jokes lightly. 

 

“Yeah, yeah, just distracted is all. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

 

He hides in his bedroom for the next twenty-four hours. He does research on everything he can think of. By the end, he is in no way closer to making a decision, but he feels more informed on what he _can_ do. At about six thirty on Saturday, he puts his costume on and makes his way downstairs. Thor is sitting in the living room in his own costume, either a frat boy or a Greek god, judging by the toga and sandals. He looks at Loki when he walks in and raises an eyebrow at him. “Sexy police officer? Really, brother?” Thor gets up and stands in front of Loki. 

 

Loki raises an eyebrow right back, “You think you get to talk, Mr. Toga?” 

 

Thor just laughs, and Loki laughs in response. For a moment, it is as if nothing had ever changed between them. Thor claps a hand on his shoulder as they laugh together, and then he pulls him into a short hug, and Loki remembers why he’d been hiding in his bedroom, but he tries not to make it too horribly awkward. “Tony picked our costumes,” Loki explains. Loki feels Thor tense in their hug, and suddenly Thor is pulling away and standing several feet away. 

 

“I’ll see you at the party, brother,” Thor says quietly before leaving the room. 

 

Loki sighs as Thor disappears up the stairs. Loki walks into the kitchen and grabs a cup of water, sitting at the counter to drink it. His mother stood, cutting vegetables for dinner. “Are you going to that party with Thor? Or your boyfriend?” Friga asks. 

 

“Tony is picking me up in a few minutes,” Loki answers. 

 

“Are you okay, Loki?” she asks gently, looking him in the eye.

 

“What do you mean? I’m fine.” 

 

“You and your brother were so close when you were little. I know that something happened between the two of you in middle school, and you grew apart, but you still talked to each other all the time at home. But ever since you started dating Tony Stark, you’ve been so strange towards each other. What happened?”

 

“He doesn’t like that I’m dating Tony,” Loki says with a shrug. “And we haven’t been close for years.” 

 

“What happened to my sweet little boys, the ones who were best friends?” she asks. The doorbell rings just then, and Loki puts his cup in the sink and goes to leave the room.

 

He looks over his shoulder at her before he leaves the kitchen and says, “We grew up.”

 

Tony and Loki go to dinner, and then get to the party when it is already in full swing. Loki sees both Steve and Bucky look over at them when they walk into the house. He watches as they check Tony out, and smirks when Bucky looks over at Loki and realizes he has been caught staring. Bucky coughs and tries to hide his flushed face as Tony leads Loki over to them. “Hey guys, I’ll be right back, I’m going to get something to drink,” Tony says and leaves Loki standing there with them. He wonders if he is supposed to be doing something, talking to them or trying to figure out if they are getting closer to asking Tony out. But he just stands there with them, and listens as Steve tells a story about a Halloween when they were little. 

 

Tony soon returns to them with two red plastic cups of beer in his hands. He smiles and holds one out to Loki, who takes the cup and stares at its contents. Suddenly, this party doesn’t seem like such a good idea. It is clear to him that this is when he is going to have to decide what he is going to do. If he decides to drink the beer, he is deciding that he is going to end it. But if he doesn’t… he’ll be sticking with this for at least the next eight months, if not for the rest of his life. Tony and Steve and Bucky continue to talk around him, unaware of the debate going on in Loki’s head. 

 

Loki mumbles something about needing to pee, which is true, and escapes to the bathroom. When he finally finds one, he locks himself inside and leans against the sink. The cup of beer is still in his hand, and he stares back into it again. With a sudden burning passion, he pours the cup down the sink, turning on the faucet to rinse the beer down. 

 

He’s made his decision. 

 

He is going to have a baby. 

 

On Monday morning, he makes himself a doctor’s appointment at an office that he’s never been to before. Up until now, he’s never had a reason to see anyone special about his health, just a normal doctor. But he knows that he can’t exactly go to a regular medical practitioner for this, so he sets up an appointment with an OBGYN. It is set for next Wednesday, so he has over a week to prepare and try to make a plan. Granted, he has more time to decide some things, like whether he wanted to be a dad or if he wanted to give the baby up to someone else. But he needs to decide what he is going to do, otherwise. He does not want to tell his family, or his friends. That will cause so many problems right now. No matter what, he decides that he is not going to tell anyone until he and Tony decide to tell everyone that their relationship has been fake. Which means that he has to try to get things going with all of that. 

 

But the idea of needing to tell everyone that he is pregnant and knowing that Tony knows he has not had sex since that party in September is scary. While Thor is not the brightest bulb in the drawer, he is also not the dullest. If he tells everyone about the baby, he’ll have to tell them how far along he is. It will only be a matter of time, then, before Thor will do the math and confront him about it. So, maybe he won’t tell anyone. Maybe he’ll keep his pregnancy a secret until they _absolutely_ need to know. 

 

He makes plans all week, and spends a lot of time doing research on how to hide a pregnancy. He also does a lot of research on the kinds of tests that he can get at this appointment. He can ask to get tests done that can help him determine if the baby is healthy, and if the baby’s genetics are messed up because of the incest, though he wants to go without telling them why he wants the genes tested. 

 

By the time he catches the city bus that Wednesday morning, telling Tony and his school that he has doctor appointments and telling his family that he is just going to the library early for a research paper, he is prepared for the medical overload. 

 

Walking into the doctor’s office is awkward, as most of the people in the waiting room are couples in their late twenties or thirties. They all look up at him as he passes by, some even turning and whispering something into their partner’s ear. But he walks up to the front desk and tells them his name, and they hand him a clipboard full of forms to fill out. He is still filling them out when they call him back, and he grabs his backpack and the clipboard and follows a nurse back. She has him step on the scale and takes his weight and then his height before leading him back to an exam room. There, she takes his blood pressure and tells him that another nurse will come in when she is available, to ask him some questions. Loki goes back to filling out the forms. 

 

A while after he finishes the forms, the other nurse comes in. “Hello, you must be Loki Odinson,” she says with a kind smile.

 

“Yes, I am,” Loki says with a nod. 

 

“Good,” she says, sticking out her hand to shake his. “I’m  Stevenson. Do you have anyone who will be joining you today?” she asks, and Loki shakes his head. “Okay, then let’s get started. I’m going to ask you a few questions, they will probably be a repeat of what the nurse asked you and what you’ve filled out in your forms. Is that okay?” Loki nods. “Alright, how old are you?”

 

“Seventeen.” 

 

“And how far along do you think you are?” she asks, fingers poised over the keys of her laptop’s keyboard.

 

“I think I’m about ten weeks. I had sex the second weekend of September.” 

 

“Was the sex unprotected?” 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Was there sex before that? Has there been sex after?”

 

“No and no.” 

 

“Just the one time then?” 

 

“Yes. One time, one night, eight weeks ago.” 

 

“What kind of symptoms have you been experiencing?” 

 

“Nausea and vomiting, sore breast tissue, fatigue….”

 

“Alright. Well, I can tell you that you will start to feel more energetic soon, and some of the nausea will go away, as well…. So, let’s talk about family medical history and your personal medical history for a little while.” She asks him many questions about his family’s medical history, which he answers best he can. “How much of the other father’s medical history do you know?” she asks.

 

 _Well, it is the same as mine, so…._ “I don’t know much. It was kind of a one night stand thing.” 

 

“Okay. For now, let’s just leave that part blank,” she says gently. “Do you want to discuss some testing you can have done today?”

 

“Well, I’ve done a lot of research and I kinda want all of it done. What little I know of the other father’s history has me a little worried about birth defects or disabilities.”

 

“Well, we will do everything that we can today, but some may have to be saved for later down the road, if…. Do you know what you are wanting to do about the baby?” she asks, and Loki suddenly feels tense and uncomfortable.

 

“You mean, am I thinking about keeping the baby?” Loki asks.

 

“Or the alternatives, yes.” She looks and sounds so hesitant and suddenly Loki is worried that she is going to suggest abortion. 

 

“I haven’t decided if I’m going to keep the baby or if I am going to try adoption. But I do plan on carrying the baby until it is born.”

 

“Even if it turns out that it will be born with the birth defects or disabilities that you are worried about?” 

 

Now, Loki is sure that she is at least a little bit judging him, “Yes,” he says, trying not to scream. He clenches his fists by his thighs and bites his lip, shifting in his seat. 

 

“I will write down for the doctor to order all of the testing. Do you want an ultrasound? If you are about ten weeks then you may even be able to listen to the heart beat.” 

 

“That would be great, actually,” he replies. She nods and leaves to set it up with the other nurses. He closes his eyes and huffs out an angry breath. 

 

A different nurse comes in and gives him a cup to collect a urine sample in. When he returns from the bathroom, she draws some blood to run some more tests on. Then she leads him down to an ultrasound room, where a technician is waiting for him. A doctor is also in the room and introduced herself to Loki. “Hello Mr. Odinson. I’m Doctor Vanessa Roskos. You can call me Vanessa. I’m going to be your doctor. I looked over your file while the nurses collected samples for your testing. I’ll be sure to put in for all of the genetic testing that we can do, at this point. Now, let’s see if we can take a peek at your baby, shall we?” 

 

Loki smiles and thanks her as he sits down and takes off his shirt, as directed. “Now,” the technician says, “we may not be able to use the external ultrasound today, but we will try. It varies by pregnancy and patient.” He squirts some gel on Loki’s flat belly and puts a wand to it, moving it around and peering at a screen. Doctor Vanessa leans over to look at the screen. “Alright,” the technician says, turning the screen so Loki can see. “This is your uterus, and this right here is your baby.” 

 

Loki stares at the screen with wide eyes and what must be a very strange expression on his face, based on the knowing smiles he is receiving. “That’s my _baby_?” he breathes. 

 

“Do you want to hear the heartbeat?” his doctor asks, and he nods slowly. She fiddles around with the equipment and then a loud, quick thrumming sound fills the room. “That’s the heart beat.” 

 

“Wow,” Loki breathes. “There’s really a baby in there.” 

 

“We’ll leave you alone for a minute to clean up,” the technician tells him, handing him a box of tissues to wipe the gel off. 

 

When he is alone, he wipes the gel off and sits there with his hand on his flat stomach, looking down at it. He hesitantly starts to talk, feeling a little bit silly to be talking to a baby so small. “I can’t believe I even thought, for just a second, of getting rid of you. I love you so much… so much.” 

 

A few minutes later, he is dressed properly and waiting for the doctor to return. She does, and hands him two print outs of the ultrasound. “Before you go, we found something in your ultrasound that I wanted to talk to you about.” 

 

Loki freezes. A bunch of possibilities enter his mind. Is there something wrong with the baby?Could they know that there is something wrong with the baby’s genes? Do they know that it is a product of incest? 

 

“Don’t worry, it’s really nothing too big. Your baby is fine. Your uterus is just inverted a little bit. This means that you have a slightly higher chance of miscarriage, but I wouldn’t worry yourself too much. Usually miscarriages that come from inverted uteruses only happen when it is very inverted. Yours is just a little bit inverted. For you, this will most likely mean that you won’t show very much. Which, for a high school student, may be a good thing. It will give you a longer timeframe to tell your friends, and family, about the baby.” He looks up at her and she is smiling knowingly, but gently. “But we will monitor it at your visits, mark if it has moved positions at all. Usually the uterus will right itself once the baby is born, or before that.” 

 

“So there isn’t anything I need to worry about yet?” 

 

“Not yet. We will give you some information on signs of miscarriages to bring home, just in case. But, in the meantime, we will prescribe you some prenatal vitamins and supplements that can help your baby’s development. You’ll want to set up an appointment for about four or five weeks from now either before you leave or over the phone soon.” 

 

“Sounds great,” Loki says, standing up and practically bouncing on his heels. 

 

He’s on such a high after seeing and hearing his baby that he doesn’t even care that he’s late for first period. He’s going to have a baby, and that’s all he cares about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I have been editing like crazy though and am still in the process of editing the next chapter right now. The whole story is already written, but I found some holes in the plots that just don't transition well so I am adding some scenes to fill those holes. Hoping to be done editing by the end of the week and I am hoping to post often from then on. Also think I can't just leave this universe alone so I might do a couple of more one chapter long stories. Let me know, as always, what you think of the chapter and what you'd like to see in a sequel (not that you know where this is really going to end up at the end of this one but, yeah)!


	5. Taking It Up a Notch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Tony take their fake relationship up a notch, Thanksgiving causes a fight, and Loki begins to experience more pregnancy symptoms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to clear up a few things about this story: 1. I would tag major things that could trigger people. I know someone commented on the last chapter telling me to tag if there was a miscarriage. I would tag that, as I know it can be hard for some people to read. 2. This is a Thorki (Thor/Loki) fanfiction. If you are here for Tony and Loki to get together, I am sorry but that is not going to happen. So if that is what you want, I'd stop reading this because it is not gonna go anywhere but this fake relationship and friendship, between that pair.

Chapter Five: Taking It Up A Notch

 

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night._

 

A few weeks later, Loki finds himself waking up early for Thanksgiving Day. It is one of the holidays that he always dreads the most, because he has a lot of family that comes over. He always wakes up early to help his mother cook for the huge party; and this year is no exception. So, when he hears the first sounds of his mother heading down the stairs, he hauls himself up and out of bed. The constant nausea has started to dwindle away, along with the fatigue he often felt, even after a full night’s sleep. But now he is finding himself needing to buy looser pants and some more baggy sweatshirts. He isn’t showing by any means, both because it is a little too early and because of his titled uterus, but he still feels more comfortable in the loose clothes. 

 

After slipping a sweatshirt over his head and going to the bathroom, Loki makes his way down the stairs and to the kitchen. “Morning, Mother,” he greets. 

 

Frigga startles slightly, “Oh, Loki, I didn't expect you up so early.” 

 

“Well, I’ve gotta help you with the Thanksgiving preparations, don’t I?” he asks with a smile. 

 

“You know that you do not need to,” she answers but smiles the kind of smile that tells Loki that she is genuinely happy but doesn’t want to outwardly express it. “But I do appreciate it. Goodness knows that your father and brother will sleep in.”

 

The two settle into a nice rhythm, working side-by-side to prepare the food. A few hours later, Odin comes down showered and dressed, and Loki disappears to shower, himself. As soon as he is done, Thor finally wakes up and showers. Loki takes over watching the cooking food for Frigga, so she can get ready too. Thor goes to the living room to watch TV with his father. It appears to be some pregame football. Loki rolls his eyes as he walks by to get something from the closet, listening to his brother animatedly talk about some team’s star players. Loki stays in the kitchen with Frigga, helping her finish getting food in the oven, and drinking some apple cider and talking about school and work. 

 

Around one o’clock, family starts to arrive. Uncle Vili shows up first with his sons, Balder and Hoder. Loki hates Balder with a passion, as he and Thor were basically best friends any time they are around each other. As a child, Loki was jealous that Balder would get all of Thor’s attention. They were basically attached at the hip, which Loki hated because all he wanted was to be with his brother, to be accepted by his brother. Now, _well_ , he _supposes_ he is still jealous, but in a different way. The two immediately take off to Thor’s bedroom. Hoder follows his dad into the living room to talk with him and Odin. 

 

Next to arrive is Uncle Ve and his wife Angela. With them is their teenage daughter, Hela and their younger daughter, Tess. Hela is about as great as her name suggests, and Loki constantly lives in slight fear of her, as she always has some plan that is either dangerous or gets them in trouble, or both. Tess is only eight, and is Loki’s little shadow every time she visits. He doesn’t really mind, but pretends that it is a great inconvenience. Tess, in return, basically worships Loki like a king. She is a cute little girl, and Loki actually likes to spend time around her. She is much better than any of the other relatives, for sure. Hela, thankfully, takes pity on Loki and chooses Hoder to be her targeted ally in her newest plan and leaves him the fuck alone. Tess practically attaches herself to Loki and follows him into the kitchen to check on their mothers and the food. 

 

After that is Uncle Cul, who is, as far as Loki can tell, old and alone. He is actually tolerable and is relatively quiet, but he usually sticks to his own in his everyday life, so alone he lives. He sits himself down in a recliner in the living room, where he is likely going to be staying for the majority of the rest of the day. 

 

Then, the only one who is going to help Loki get through the unbearable family day shows up: Tony. His mother found out that Tony’s parents were going to be gone for Thanksgiving, and she had invited him to join them. This had come as a great relief for Loki, as it gave him someone to make his life easier and gives him more excuses to avoid too much talking with his relatives. It also gives him a chance to talk to Tony about how they are going to “end their relationship”. Loki is sure, at this point, that there just needs to be one more big thing that will push Steve and Bucky into Tony’s arms. And he has an idea of what could do that for them. 

 

This “relationship” has gone on way too long. Loki understands why, because it took Tony a long time to even begin to realize that Steve and Bucky like him like that. But they’ve been “together” for twelve weeks now, and Loki really needs this to end soon. He cannot have a pretend boyfriend when he is actually pregnant, with his brother’s baby. Eventually he’ll figure it out, when the baby starts to get bigger or starts moving noticeably. They are with each other too much for him to not figure it out. Loki can’t really deal with that, so he needs to get this plan back in action. 

 

As Tony enters the house, Loki all but yanks him through the living room to the kitchen, where his mother is talking to his aunt at the table. Tess is sitting next to her mother and her eyes widen when she sees Tony, and she immediately giggles and covers her mouth with her hands. Apparently the eight-year-old thinks that Tony is cute. Loki remembers liking boys a lot later in his life, but to each their own, he supposes. “Hello, I’m Tony, Loki’s boyfriend,” Tony says when Loki just stands there. 

 

Frigga smiles and laughs, shaking her head at Loki. “It’s nice to see you again, Anthony. This is Loki’s aunt, Angela, and her daughter, Tess.”

 

“Nice to meet you both,” Tony says with a nod and a Grade-A, Parent-Approved Smile. 

 

“Likewise,” Aunt Angela says, with a smile of her own. 

 

“We were just going to head to the back yard to talk before the food is ready. Do you need anything before I go?” Loki asks. Frigga shakes her head, so Loki grabs Tony’s hand and drags him outside. 

 

“What’s up with you today?” Tony asks in confusion. 

 

“I have a plan. One last big thing to get Steve and Bucky to go for you,” Loki says, bouncing on his feet. 

 

“And your mystery man to go for you?” Tony asks.

 

“Yeah, sure,” Loki agrees passively, and interrupts the thoughts Tony’s about to express. “I think we need to do a couple of things to get everyone to admit their feelings.”

 

“And what’s that?”

 

“We have sex.”

 

“What?!” Tony practically yelps. 

 

“I mean, we don't have sex for real, obviously, but we make it seem like we did it for real.”

 

“How are we going to do that?”

 

“My parents are going out of town next weekend. We invite the group over for a little get together and go up to my room during it and fake sex. Easy.”

 

“So, _Easy A_ style?” Tony asks, amused. 

 

“ _Easy A_?” Loki asks with a frown.

 

“You know, the movie?” At Loki’s blank look, he says, “Apparently we should be seeing modern movies as well as old movies, huh?”

 

“Funny.” 

 

“ _I_ think I am!” Tony sing-songs. “What’s the second thing you wanted us to do?”

 

“Well, then we have to break up. Not right after the “sex”, but shortly after. We have to make a story for it, so we don’t spread the wrong thing. And, if we want, we can tell our own people that it was fake, after the feelings are all admitted.” 

 

“Hmm, coming up with a breakup story won’t be hard. I could say you are just too violent towards me,” Tony jokes. 

 

Loki swats his arm as he walks back towards the house when his mother pokes her head out to say that food is ready. “Or you could say I’m just too good in bed for you,” he says with a smirk and a wink. 

 

“In your dreams, Lokes.” 

 

The pair walks into the house laughing. 

 

Thor glares all through dinner. 

 

After dinner, the heartburn that has reared its ugly head recently crept up on Loki. Between that and the constipation he’s been experiencing, he is confident that his baby is trying to torture him. Thankfully, none of the food in the house is making him sick, so he is good on that end of things. But, by the time he is done eating, his food is sitting like a rock in his stomach. He mourns the days where he could eat anything he wanted without any consequences. 

 

Everyone sits around the living room after eating, while they wait for it to be time to eat dessert. Tess is napping on the couch by her mother, and everyone else sits around talking to each other. Hela makes Hoder leave with her to “take a walk”. Loki just hopes that whatever they are doing will stay far away from him. Of course, then he is left with less victims for the adults to pick from. “Loki,” Uncle Cul asks, “how did you and your boy meet?” 

 

Loki swallows around a lump that is suddenly in his throat and says, “Uh….”

 

Thor, surprisingly, speaks up. “I introduced the two of them to each other. I met Tony at a summer football camp, right before our freshman year. I brought him and a couple of other friends home, and introduced them to Loki. Tony and Loki had a weird sort of bond after that, until they started dating.” 

 

“Well, we still have that weird sort of bond,” Tony adds with a smirk. 

 

“But how did you two decide that you wanted to bang?” Uncle Ve asks, leaning forward in his seat.

 

“Ve!” Aunt Angela exclaims, thwacking the back of his head. 

 

“What? That’s what the kids are calling it, nowadays!” Ve defends. 

 

Loki is mortified, while Tony and Balder just laugh. Thor shifts uncomfortably in his seat, flushing. Tony speaks up, “Loki and I aren’t “banging” or whatever. We’re just dating.”

 

“You expect us to believe that?” Uncle Vili asks with a laugh. 

 

“Yes,” Loki mutters, putting his head in his hands. Tony sets a comforting hand on the back of his neck and rubs it. “Why is it so hard to believe?” 

 

“Because you are teenagers. And we were all teenagers once, son,” Odin replies, not even looking at him. Loki can tell that he is uncomfortable with this discussion, but is trying to act like his family members. Loki knows that he looks even more uncomfortable, if possible.

 

“Don’t be such a prude, Loki,” Balder snorts. 

 

“He’s not being a prude!” Thor exclaims. 

 

“Oh, come on! He so is! He’s a virgin prude, and he doesn’t even realize that people think he’s fucking Mr. Hotpants because he’s a known man whore!” 

 

Loki can see, from where he’s lifting his head from his hands, exactly when Thor decides that Balder is not getting out of this conversation unscathed. He’s not surprised, like everyone else is, when Thor jumps to his feet and stalks over to Balder to punch him in the face. He is surprised at the idea of Thor defending his honor, as if Loki cares that much about what people think of him. Granted, he could just be defending Tony’s honor, as a friend. As the two fight in the middle of the living room, and their fathers work to pull them apart, Loki remembers a somewhat simpler time. 

 

_A twelve-year-old Thor stands over the school bully, fists clenched and bloodied. Kids surround the pair, staring and hollering at them. Loki stands towards the front of the circle of kids, silently watching his big brother. Thor throws one more punch at the bully’s face, and the bully groaned in response. “If you ever say something like that about my brother again, I won’t hesitate to come back for more,” Thor threatens. Loki swallows against a lump in his throat, unsure how he feels._

 

_Suddenly, a few teachers come out of nowhere, breaking up the group of kids.“What is going on?!” a teacher shouts. Thor looks up, then, turning to look right at Loki. He smiles a reassuring smile and Loki tries to smile in return. Thor’s smile does something weird to Loki. His tummy flips and feels like he is on a roller coaster, where you feel what can only be described as your soul lifting out of your body for a second. Even as the teachers force Thor out of the playground, towards, no doubt, the principal’s office, Thor smiles at Loki. What kind of love must that be, for someone to smile, even with the impending doom of a call home and a principal’s office visit?_

 

_The reasons behind Thor’s beating of the bully were justified. The bully had approached Loki earlier in the day and had knocked his book out of his hands and said, “Hey fruit loop.”_

 

_At the time, Loki had just narrowed his eyes, confused and unsure what was even happening, “What’s that supposed to mean?”_

 

_“You know what it means, gay boy.” People around them giggled and Loki turned beet red. Normally, things like this would not have bothered Loki. Bullying was something he knew most kids had to deal with. It was something he had even dealt with, from time to time. At eleven-years-old, he was just glad that he was getting it over with quickly. But this wasn’t a normal topic of bullying for him. And it was something that he’d actually been struggling with, his sexual orientation. He’d overheard his father talking about how “the gays were trying to push their agenda on everyone”. It was no secret that Odin didn’t understand or like gay people. Loki already knew this, and didn’t want to cause problems in his family. But he had been reading about kids his age being at the height of developing their sexualities. It wasn’t new to Loki that he found boys more attractive than girls. He’d only ever had crushes on other boys, but he’d never really thought of himself as gay. At this time, he’d been grappling with the idea that he was pretty obviously gay. But nobody really knew, nor could they because Loki was a very private person about all of that stuff._

 

_When he approached Thor at lunch about it, telling him what happened and asking why they would think that, Thor had quickly grown livid. He told Loki not to worry about it, that he’d take care of it. That left Loki just as confused as before, but he accepted it and finished his lunch. Then, recess came. At this point in their school career, recess was really just a time where they shoved all of the middle schoolers outside together with a teacher or two and let them sit on their phones or talk to each other. But, today, Thor had pointed out the bully, asking Loki if he was the one who had been mean to him, and had stalked over to him and punched him in the face. This started the fight that Loki, as well as many other students, paid witness to. Thor, protecting his honor._

 

By the time everyone leaves, which is shortly after the fight is broken up and dessert is handed out in to-go containers, Loki is sitting alone outside in the front of the house on the porch swing. Tony leaves after the cousins and most of the aunts and uncles are gone, but is hesitant to leave Loki alone. “Are you sure you’ll be okay? It’s your family, not mine. I don’t care what your crazy cousin has to say about me, but he is _your_ _cousin_. I can stay, if you wanna talk with me about it.” 

 

“I’m fine, Tony. Really, I am,” Loki says, arms wrapped around his own chest, trying to stay warm as they stand outside.

 

“If you’re sure,” Tony says, hesitantly eyeing Loki, hands in his pocket. He leaves right after that, leaving Loki to sit alone on the porch swing. 

 

Odin walks out with Uncle Cal, a few minutes after Tony leaves, and walks him to his car. When he walks back up to the porch, he pauses and looks at Loki. “I hope you are happy. That was all your fault, you know.” 

 

“Was it?” Loki asks, crossing his arms over his chest defensively. 

 

“If you weren’t such a bad influence on your brother all of the time, he wouldn’t always be getting into fights for you. You need to learn to fight your own battles, Loki. And you need to learn how to pick those battles better.”

 

“Yes, _I_ am a bad influence on _Thor_ ,” Loki deadpans, rolling his eyes. 

 

“You are! You are nothing but trouble, you’ve never been anything else! Even when you were little, you had Thor getting into trouble for you. I’m sure most of it came from your choice of romantic partners.” 

 

“My choice of romantic partners?” Loki asks with narrowed eyes. 

 

“Yes, your choice to be gay is most likely the reason why you are always making trouble.” 

 

“I don’t see the correlation.” 

 

“Don’t be smart with me, boy! You need to learn your place. Stop being a bad influence on your brother.” Odin stares at him, and Loki doesn’t bother to respond. “You know that I have been… patient and have accepted your choice of… lifestyle. Do not make things worse than they need to be, Loki.” 

 

With that, the older man walks into the house, and Loki has gotten so close to accepting the conversation. But as the screen door swings shut behind his father, Loki turns and yells, “Accepting it means acknowledging it as a part of me, not as a choice I can make!”

 

Odin shouts, from somewhere inside the house, “Enough!” loud enough for Loki to hear. Loki closes his eyes and tries to calm down. 

 

After a few minutes of solitude, he hears the screen door open and shut. Someone stands in front of him, and he cracks open one eye to see that it is Thor. “Can I sit?” Thor asks, motioning towards the seat next to him on the swing. Loki gestures with his hand to indicate that he can. “About what happened in there…” Thor says, as he settles in next to Loki.

 

“Thank you,” Loki says, saving Thor the trouble of working through whatever he wants to express. 

 

“Huh?” 

 

“Thank. You,” Loki repeats, slowly. “Two words that are often put together to indicate gratitude towards a person and/or their actions.”

 

“Thanks, Loki, I know what it means,” Thor replies with a shake of his head and humor in his voice. “But you don’t have to thank me. That’s not what I came out here for.”

 

Loki sighs and turns to look at him, ignoring the familiar stomach flipping feelings that he’s had whenever he looks at Thor, ever since that day when he was eleven. “Then what did you come out here for?” 

 

“I wanted to tell you why I did it.” 

 

When Thor doesn’t continue, Loki says, “Pray, do tell.”

 

“Because, despite… everything that has happened between us, we are still brothers. And I still care about you, just like when we were young. I still love you.” Loki tries not to let the words make him feel worse than he already feels, ignoring the sting in favor of focusing on the conversation at hand.

 

“According to our father, I am a bad influence on you.” 

 

Thor scoffs, “That’s bullshit. If anything, I am a bad influence on you.” 

 

“Yes, well, I am the gay one, remember?” Loki asks.

 

“Loki….”

 

“Yes, I know that you are bi or whatever too, but it isn’t like Father knows about that, does he?” Loki asks, sounding harsher than intended. “You’ve only ever told him about girls, even if a story you are telling about the most recent date you went on was actually about a guy. He doesn’t know, so he doesn’t care. No matter what, everything is on me. Even if I never asked you to defend my honor.”

 

“I am truly sorry that I’ve caused you pain, Loki. And I’m sorry that you’ve had to brave Father alone, while I hide my true feelings from him. But I really did do it because I care, not just to defend your honor. And Balder is a jerk. He has been an idiot for years, and this was pretty much the last straw for me dealing with his shit.”

 

“Thank you, Thor. No matter the reasons why, thank you.”

 

“What are brothers for, right?” Thor asks, laughing an odd, half laugh. It is like a nervous laugh, but with an extra weird emotion hidden beneath the surface. Those words are like a slap across the face. 

 

“Yeah,” Loki agrees quietly, closing his eyes again. Because, really, what else can he say? _Well, a few weeks ago brothers were for fucking_? Or, more accurately, _for fucking and then leaving_. 

 

Thor puts his hand on Loki’s, “I do love you, brother.” 

 

Loki just gives him a half smile and leaves the porch, leaving Thor sitting there alone. 

 

_Loki waits outside of the principal’s office after school. Eventually, the door opens and Thor walks out, backpack on his shoulder, red slip of paper in one hand and the other hand flying out to take Loki’s hand and quickly lead him towards the exit. As they begin their walk home, Thor walks faster. Loki, being younger and shorter than him, has to practically jog to keep up. “Did you get detention?” Loki asks._

 

_“Doesn’t matter,” Thor mumbles._

 

_“I think it does. What did you guys say about why you were fighting? You shouldn’t get detention for something I did.”_

 

_Thor immediately stops walking, and Loki bumps into him roughly. Thor reaches out a hand to steady him. He turns to look at him with a serious expression on his face. “You didn’t do anything, Loki.”_

 

_“Sure I did. I mean, why else would he call me gay?”  Loki asks, confused._

 

_“Because,” Thor replies, “kids are jerks. You shouldn’t listen to what kids like him say.”_

 

_“What if I think he’s right?” Loki asks very quietly._

 

_Thor looks closely at him, eyes softening in response. “What do you mean?” he asks softly._

 

_“What if I think I’m gay?” Loki whispers, looking down at his feet._

 

_Thor gently grabs his chin, holding it in his hands and forcing Loki too look back up at him. Loki’s stomach is in knots, in anticipation of what his brother has to say. “Listen, Loki, I need you to believe me when I say this. There is nothing wrong with being gay.”_

 

_Loki narrows his eyes. “Well, a lot of my classmates seem to think there’s something wrong with it.”_

 

_“Those people are wrong,” Thor responds, simply._

 

_“Father thinks it’s wrong,” Loki recalls. One look at Thor’s reaction has Loki’s eyes shifting back towards the ground._

 

_Thor lets go of his chin and grows silent for a moment. “Father… he grew up in a different time. Before gay rights, before people knew about carriers, before even a large amount of people thought it was okay to be gay. He’s not a reliable person to listen to for their feelings about being gay.”_

 

_“But… you think it’s okay to be gay?” Loki asks quietly, glancing up again to gage Thor’s reaction._

 

_Thor smiles gently down at Loki, “Not only do I think it is okay to be gay, but I’m bisexual.”_

 

_“What does that mean?”_

 

_“It means I like both girls and boys.”_

 

_Loki gets quiet for a minute. “Wow,” he finally says in quiet awe._

 

_“And, even if I wasn’t, I would be okay with it. Because I accept you, just the way you are. I love you, no matter who you love.”_

 

_Loki flushes in response, but smiles and says, “I love you too, Thor. No matter who you love.”_

 

 _Thor hugs him close and Loki has a fleeting thought of,_ I’d live in your arms forever. I’d love it if you loved me, as more than just your little brother. _But, after a while, they pull back with smiles and walk the rest of the way home. It turns out that Thor gets in school suspension for the next three weeks, after that incident. But he never expresses anger towards Loki for it, and nobody ever finds out why that fight broke out in the first place._

 

Before long, Loki is watching his parents cart their bags out the door and to an Uber to go to the airport. In the week that had passed since Thanksgiving, Loki has managed to avoid Odin almost completely. It isn’t too big a feat, as Odin spends most of his time at home in his office with the door shut. Frigga smiles at Thor and Loki, who are standing by the curb to say goodbye. “We will be home Monday night, please behave and don’t burn the house down.” The last part is directed at Thor, and he frowns. 

 

“That was only one time, and I only set the popcorn on fire,” Thor complains. 

 

Loki snickers, “And your shirt.” 

 

“Thanks, Loki,” Thor mumbles.

 

“Bye, my boys,” Frigga says, hugging and kissing them both. Odin doesn’t say a word to either of them, as he is still pissed at the two of them. Loki and Thor wave as the car pulls away, down the street.

 

“Party tonight?” Loki asks.

 

“What?” Thor asks, taken aback. 

 

“Shouldn’t we have a party tonight? I thought that was what all teenagers did when their parents went out of town?” Loki asks with a raised eyebrow.

 

“I don’t know… I don’t really want to deal with the aftermath of a bunch of kids drinking and doing drugs and stuff in the house.”

 

Loki glances over at Thor, who is now looking at the ground. “How about just your friends, then? We could do a movie night,” he suggests. 

 

“Our friends,” Thor corrects, looking up at Loki. “It’s a little last minute, don’t you think?” 

 

“No, I told Tony about it already, I’m sure he’s mentioned it to some of the others,” Loki replies with a shrug. 

 

“Alright, we can do a movie night. Do you have movie ideas?” Thor asks. 

 

Loki smirks, “I have a few….”

 

After school, Tony drives Loki to pick up snacks and some gift cards to rent movies with. They push a cart through the store and grab bag after bag of chips, pretzels, and candy. As they stop to pick up some dessert, several dozen variety packs of cookies, Tony goes over their plan. “So, we are going to sit through an entire movie and then when we put on the second movie, we have to pretend to get turned on and basically go full PDA mode and then disappear to your room?” 

 

“That’s the plan,” Loki agrees. 

 

“And what movie do you have in mind for “turning us on”?” Tony asks skeptically. 

 

Loki laughs, “You’ll see.” 

 

“Oh great, it’s an evil scheme,” Tony mutters. Loki just laughs.

 

In the past week, Loki has experienced many changes with his pregnancy. Morning sickness is, seemingly, a thing of the past. Heartburn and constipation unfortunately took its place, seemingly indefinitely. His total lack of energy has now turned into a new sexual awakening. He has been fantasizing more and more about Thor, and about sex in general. It is slowly killing him to have to spend so much time with the object of his desires, without being able to act on any of those desires. But he is becoming much more attached to the little being growing inside of him, the size of a pea pod by this week, thirteen weeks in. 

 

He’s been putting a lot of thought into his two options: adoption or keeping the baby. He’s, admittedly, not gotten any closer to making a decision, but he has learned more about both options. One thing he learned about adoption is that he can try to get an open adoption, where he can work out with the adopted parents some sort of involvement in the baby’s life after he’s given the baby up. He does not like the idea of simply giving his baby away and never hearing about/from it again. But, with the idea of keeping the baby to raise himself, he’d be alone. That, plus the fact that babies are expensive. While he is sure he can “sneak” money from his parents now to buy things for the baby, what will he do once the baby is born? He’d have to get a job, but he’d be just out of high school, and he’d be a single parent. Childcare alone is usually thousands of dollars a year! Let alone clothes, food, furniture, and a home of some sort. It is a big decision, bigger than he ever thought it would be.

 

A decision he isn’t ready to make. 

 

For now, he is busy trying to end a fake relationship.

 

Tony helps Loki set up the movie night, and Thor comes back from Clint’s place to help them. After the events that occurred Thanksgiving, Tony and Thor have become friends again; instead of Thor just constantly glaring at Tony and being upset that he is dating Loki. 

 

When everyone gets there, Loki makes sure everyone picks a spot in the living room, and he settles into his own spot. Loki sit sandwiched in between Tony and Thor on the couch. Steve and Bucky sit on the love seat that is to Tony’s other side. Clint and Phil set up a pile of blankets to sit on on the floor, and Natasha sits in a bean bag next to them. Bruce sits in the recliner, most likely trying to ignore all of the couples in the room. They all agree on a movie to start with, some action flick that Loki doesn’t care too much about. 

 

When the movie is over, Loki goes to rent the next, and there is mixed reactions to the movie he picks. “What the hell, Lokes, Brokeback Mountain?” Tony groans. 

 

“What? I’ve never seen it before, have you?” Loki asks in defense. 

 

“I feel like it’s a movie everyone has heard about but has never actually seen,” Clint says with a shrug. “I’m game.”

 

“Me too,” Bucky agrees. 

 

“Fine, but don’t think you’ll be getting off easy for this one,” Tony jokes with a wink. 

 

“Is that so?” Loki flirts back. “I would think we can find a way to _get me off_.”

 

“Gag me. Get on with the movie, Odinson,” Natasha complains. 

 

It isn’t long before Loki and Tony start to pretend to get “turned on”. Loki feels pretty guilty doing this right next to Thor, but it is really half-way his fault that this is even happening. Eventually, he notices that Steve and Bucky and Thor are all looking upset at them. So Loki reaches out for Tony’s hand and drags him up to his bedroom. They shut the door behind themselves and make sure to make the bed creak and make fake sexual noises. Tony spends most of the time needing to keep one hand over his mouth to stifle the laughing he couldn’t prevent. Loki just rolls his eyes and continues to jump on the bed and make fake sex noises. When it seems reasonable to be over, Loki surprises Tony by throwing a pillow at him, right in his face. He falls onto the bed with an exaggerated groan and Loki follows suit. 

 

When they finally ruffle up each others’ hair and clothes and step out of the room, they are not surprised to hear all of their friends whispering downstairs. One look at Steve and Bucky and Loki knows his plan has worked. 

 

When everyone leaves early the next morning, Thor glares at Loki. Loki decides that he has finally had enough of the glaring when he is done cleaning the living room with him. “What?!” he asks, throwing up his hands in frustration. “What is wrong with you?”

 

“What is wrong with me? What is wrong with _you_?!” Thor exclaims. 

 

Loki is taken aback, “What the _hell_ are you on about, Thor?”

 

“Having sex with Stark while we all sit down here watching Brokeback Mountain?! Are you purposefully trying to piss me off?” 

 

“Why does it piss you off? What does it matter to you?” 

 

“ _It_ _matters_ ,” Thor breathes. 

 

“ _Why_?” Loki hisses. 

 

“You know why.”

 

Loki laughs a bitter, angry laugh, “No. No, Thor, I really _don’t_.” 

 

Thor leaves the room and goes up to his bedroom, shutting the door behind himself and effectively avoiding Loki for the rest of the weekend. 

 

Entering his second trimester is important for Loki. He is excited to be out of the high risk miscarriage time and into the more exciting point of his pregnancy. He sits in the doctor’s office, around fourteen and a half weeks pregnant. When they call him back, he follows the nurse to get weighed and have his blood pressure taken and his still flat stomach measured. Doctor Vanessa comes into his exam room a little while later. “Hello, Mr. Odinson,” she greets.

 

“Call me Loki, please.” 

 

“Okay, Loki. Now, let’s talk about how things have been going the last four in a half weeks.” They talk about symptoms and what is going to be changing in the next few weeks. Then she moves on to the next topic. “Last time you were here, you wanted to get quite a bit of testing done. We always like to discuss these test results in person with our patients, and only really call to make earlier appointments if we find alarming results that need immediate attention. I’m happy to report that your test results all came back normal. There doesn’t appear to be anything to worry about, from the tests we did.”

 

Loki’s heart seems to skip a beat. How could that be? He’d made that baby with his brother. There was no way that that didn’t come up in these tests. 

 

“Was there something in particular that you were worried about that you want to ask about, Loki?” 

 

Loki shakes his head. “Not that I can think of.” 

 

“Should we do an ultrasound then?” 

 

“That would be great.” 

 

When they are doing the ultrasound, Loki holds his breath, worried that they will still see a deformed baby on the screen, despite the test results. What he actually sees is a baby that really looks like a baby this time. The baby no longer looks like a tiny alien like it looked last time. Now, the baby looks like a perfect little human. “We may be able to tell the sex today, would you like to know?” the technician asks. 

 

“No, I don’t know if I wanna know, before the baby is born. Maybe next time.” 

 

“That’s okay. How about I point out the baby’s features for you?” They point out the little hands and feet and ears and the baby’s nose. It is extremely exciting. Loki leaves with two print outs and an appointment for another four and a half weeks out. 

 

That night, Loki decides to tell Tony that this is a good point to end their “relationship”. They go out to eat pizza and make up their breakup story. 

 

The next Monday, Loki asks Thor to drive him to school. Thor is surprised but agrees. By the time they pick everyone up and get to school, basically everyone in school has heard about the breakup. 

 

At lunch, Thor sits next to Loki, and Tony sits at the other end of the table with Steve and Bucky and Bruce. “I’m sorry to hear about you and Tony, I thought you two were really happy,” Thor says quietly to Loki.

 

“Not everything is what it looks like,” Loki says softly. Thor nods. 

 

“Hey, Loki,” Clint says, “your nose is bleeding.” 

 

Loki immediately puts his hand up to his nose and sure enough, red blood stains his fingers when he pulls it back. “Excuse me,” he mumbles and leaves the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Please comment and give kudos if you enjoyed it and/or have something to say about it.


	6. Nothing's Gonna Change My World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gets results, Loki has some dreams, Christmas and New Year's happens, and Loki makes a decision about the baby.

Chapter Six: Nothing’s Gonna Change My World

 

Disclaimer books in this chapter are: _What Do You Do With An Idea?_ by Kobi Yamada and _The Giving Tree_ by Shel Silverstein. Check them out if you haven’t read them and like kids’ books. I’m an elementary education major so I love them. 

 

_Take these sunken eyes._

 

“Hey, guess what happened this weekend?” Tony asks as Loki takes things out of his locker for class. 

 

“You mean besides the foot of snow that somehow didn’t cause school to get canceled?” Loki asks without looking at him.

 

“Yeah, yeah, besides that,” Tony says. Loki glances over at Tony and sees that the man is practically bursting with excitement.

 

“Really?” Loki asks, eyebrows raised. “They already admitted their feelings and asked you out?” 

 

“Yes! Yes, Loki, it finally happened! I feel like a little girl!” Tony cries loud enough for everyone in the halls to hear and start to stare or roll their eyes as they pass.

 

“You definitely sound like one, dummy. Knock it off,” Loki says, pulling on his arm. 

 

“What about you, Lokes? You look like you are glowing. Did your mystery man ask you out?”

 

Loki’s stomach does a dangerous leap, “I look like I’m glowing?” 

 

“Yeah, you look really good. So, am I right?” 

 

Loki shakes his head and shuts his locker. “I don’t think it’s ever gonna happen, Tony, but I’m glad things worked out for the three of you.”

 

“Aw, come on. Don’t lose hope! I can spread a rumor that you are great in bed. That might help!” Tony offers eagerly. 

 

Loki rolls his eyes, “No thanks.”

 

“Whatever you say, man. Just trying to help.” 

 

“Thanks, Tony. Have a good day,” Loki says, walking away to go to class.

 

“Only today and three days of finals until break! Get pumped, everyone!” Tony shouts, mostly to him but trying to make it seem less weird. Loki just rolls his eyes and throws a small smile in his direction, waving at Tony, who waves in response with a grin. 

 

He slips into his AP Lit class early and takes out his phone, looking for the information on his pregnancy for week sixteen. Sure enough, “glowing” skin is one of the things that starts this week. He reads on to see that the baby is supposedly the size of an avocado and is getting ready to double in size over the next few weeks. 

 

Throughout the day, a few people comment on his “glowing” skin. But nobody seems to think more into it than that he is having a good day. High schoolers are ignorant. For that, he is grateful. 

 

The day passes quickly, and Thor only drives him and Clint home, as Tony tells them that he will start picking up and dropping off Bucky and Steve. When they get inside the house, Thor actually stops Loki on the stairs. “Did you hear that Steve and Bucky are dating Tony now?” 

 

Loki turns to look at Thor, who looks like he is trying to be empathetic. “Yes, I did. Tony told me.”

 

“Are you okay with that?” Thor asks, confusion growing on his face.

 

Loki nods, “I am. He talked to me about it when we broke up.” 

 

“Oh. Well, I guess I’ll let you go and… study.” Thor turns to walk back down the stairs to do his own studying. 

 

“Thor?” Loki asks before Thor can fully escape. Thor turns to look at him. “Thank you. I appreciate that you cared enough to ask me about it.” 

 

Thor smiles, causing Loki’s stomach to flip. “You’re welcome.” 

 

The finals all fly by, and then they are on Christmas break. Tony invites everyone over to his house to do a little Christmas party that weekend before Christmas. They do not do a gift exchange for specific people, but each bring two cheap, wrapped gifts for a white elephant game. When they get there, they put their gifts in a pile with the others. Turns out Tony has enough for everyone to get three things. But, it turns out that the extra gifts are total gag gifts. 

 

When they roll doubles, they get to pick any wrapped gift, and then they get to open them all up and go around rolling doubles to steal from each other. All in all, it is a lot of fun. After the game, they decorate Christmas sugar cookies. That involves mostly getting sugar all over their hands and frosting all over the counters. But it also involves a lot of kissing between all of the people who had dates. And a lot of purposeful shoving of frosting onto each other’s faces. 

 

It is a great night. 

 

On Christmas Eve, Loki finds himself awkwardly standing in his Aunt Angela and Uncle Ve’s house. It is obvious that everyone is still concerned about what had happened at Thanksgiving. 

 

“Hello Odin, Frigga, boys,” Aunt Angela greets when she opens the door. The way she looks at Loki makes his stomach turn uncomfortably and makes him look down at his feet. Tess is normal, quickly finding Loki and sitting next to him as Loki sits on the staircase towards the back of the house. She sits by him silently, coloring in her coloring book. Loki eventually leans over her shoulder and asks about the pictures. She gladly tells him all about the reasons behind what colors she is using and why. 

 

“Loki?” Hela calls out, dinner must be ready. “Tess?” A moment later, she rounds the corner and raises an eyebrow at them. “Dinner is ready. Let’s try not to have things end up like they did at Thanksgiving, hmm?” she suggest with twinkling eyes, causing Loki to frown at the obviously blatant jab at him. 

 

They manage to get through an entire holiday meal without much awkwardness. 

 

They hadn’t really exchanged gifts since they were kids, but everyone usually gets Tess a present and everyone enjoys watching her open her gifts. Through the tense environment, they celebrate as a family. Not a moment too soon, they get to leave, and Loki rushes off to bed, exhaustion overcoming him. 

 

Lately, Loki’s dreams have been becoming more wild and vivid. Gone are the simple times of forgetting his dreams nearly every night. Now, he is hyper aware of what happened in his dreams. Surprisingly- or not at all surprisingly, depending on who you were- Thor stars in most of his dreams. Usually, Loki is having wet dreams of Thor. Sometimes he even wakes up to come-stained pants. But sometimes he dreams of some really weird thing about Thor. Like, one night, he dreams all about Thor’s eyes, and how he gets lost in the blue sea of them. Another night, he dreams about shrinking down and getting tangled in Thor’s long blonde hair. 

 

Point being: his dreams are weird. 

 

Tonight is no different; he dreams about Thor. But, tonight, he dreams about Thor and himself having a future together. 

 

_The dream is silent. Loki cannot hear a thing. He dreams about them living together in a small house; about waking up next to him in the morning. He dreams about kissing Thor and having them both be loving and passionate. Suddenly, Thor pulls back from the kissing and smiles at something in the doorway. A little girl with long blonde hair stands in the doorway. She is talking to them, and Thor is talking to her, and he holds his arms out to her. She runs into them and he lifts her onto the bed with them. It suddenly occurs to him that this is their daughter. Their daughter. She is beautiful. Her long blonde hair is just like Thor’s, and her eyes are green, just like his own. She has an adorable button nose, like the nose Loki had seen in the mirror when he was a child. Her smile is as blinding as Thor’s. She is everything Loki could ever want, wrapped up in one beautiful child._

 

“Loki! Wake up and come open presents!” Thor calls excitedly from outside his door. His fist pounds on the door. Loki startles a little as he wakes up, staring at the ceiling and frowning slightly. 

 

He mourns the loss of the dream, and calls back, “Okay, okay! I’ll be right there!” 

 

He slides out of his bed and grabs his sweatshirt as he heads into the bathroom. He pauses as he looks at himself in the mirror. He rubs his dry eyes with one hand, the other tightly gripping his sweatshirt in his fist. No matter how much he rubs, the reflection remains the same. He looks down at himself, bringing his empty hand down to lightly touch his stomach. His stomach that is no longer perfectly flat. A tiny, hardly noticeable bump lies between his hips. 

 

He hears Thor call his name, and he snaps out of it, pulling his sweatshirt on and going to the bathroom before heading downstairs. 

 

They eat cinnamon rolls and open presents and spend time together as a family. Loki is a little uncomfortable, sitting with his family, as if it is the same as it used to be. Thor and Loki do a lot of talking, mostly about memories from Christmases when they were children. Frigga and Odin talk, low and quiet, on the other side of the room. Sometimes Frigga responds to something Thor or Loki has said, but mostly it just feels a little bit awkward. They are a family, but they aren’t the kind of family they used to be. Odin can’t even look Loki in the eye anymore, and Loki just wishes that he understood why. He wants to understand why Odin can’t look at him. He wants to understand why Odin has been so angry with him, for so long. 

 

“Loki, your mother and I got you one last gift,” Odin announces, interrupting the discussion that he is having with Thor. 

 

Loki follows Odin to the front door, where he hands him a set of keys. “No way,” Thor says from behind them. Loki opens the door to see a new car sitting in the driveway.

 

“We know that you said that you didn’t care to have your own vehicle, or to drive in general. But your mother believes that you should have your own car, just in case.”

 

Suddenly, the thought of having a baby and not having a car to transport it in terrifies Loki, and he thanks his parents profusely. They’d purchased Thor a car when he turned sixteen, and had offered to do the same for Loki when he turned sixteen, but he had turned down the offer. Now, he is glad that his parents have forced the issue. He hugs them both, despite his father’s tense demeanor. “You’re welcome, sweetie,” Frigga says with a smile. “Do you like it?”

 

“I love it,” Loki admits with a smile. “Is it safe?” 

 

“Is it _safe_?” Thor asks with a scoff. “Who cares? It’s a car. You’re seventeen! Live a little, worry about safety later.” 

 

Frigga rolls her eyes at Thor, “Yes, Loki, it is a very safe car.”

 

“Well, let’s take a ride!” Thor suggests excitedly. 

 

“Yes, why don’t the two of you do that and your father and I will finish cleaning up?” Frigga suggests. 

 

Odin mutters under his breath as his wife leads him away, “Yes, we will clean up. We’re older than them, but we will do all of the cleaning.”

 

Frigga rolls her eyes and leaves the two of them standing out in front of the house. “Come on, brother!” Thor calls as he walks towards the car. 

 

Loki follows Thor and gets in and starts the car. They drive around the neighborhood before Thor convinces him to drive further. They end up driving around for hours, singing along to the radio and just spending time enjoying each other’s company. Loki feels the same way he felt in his dream, happy and content. When they finally go home, Thor hugs Loki tightly and kisses his hair, the way he had done a million times when they were children. They part after a long moment, and Loki tries to squash the feelings he is having down and away. 

 

Love is such a muddled feeling. There’s so many different kinds of love, and there are so many rules behind each type of love. The love that he is supposed to be feeling for his brother is a brotherly, familial love. He is meant to love Thor like he loves their parents. He is meant to live life loving his brother as a role model and as a protector. He is meant to love Thor the same way he loved him when they were young. Before crushes and dating, and before kissing meant anything other than familial love. Love for a brother is never meant to change. It’s never supposed to grow into a desire to date them, and kiss them romantically, and fuck them. It’s not supposed to change into dreaming about spending the rest of his life by his side. He isn’t supposed to _fall in love_ with his brother. 

 

Loki sighs, puts his hands in his sweatshirt pockets, and walks inside the house. 

 

On New Year’s Eve, Loki goes with Thor to Steve’s apartment for a party. Technically, they are spending time in both Steve and Bucky’s apartments, since they live across the hall from each other. They are babysitting Bucky’s younger sister, Rebecca, who is six, while Bucky’s parents and Steve’s mom are out at their own party. Loki has never actually met Rebecca, since he’d only just become friends with the group over the course of the school year. Thor, obviously, has met her before, because when they enter Steve’s apartment, they girl screams his name and runs to him. Thor picks her up and settles his on his hip, listening to her talk about the craft that Steve is teaching her. Loki freezes in the doorway, watching the pair. He’s never actually seen Thor interact with a child before, at least not for a long time. Usually, if the family is over, Thor is too busy to interact with Tess much. Staring at them, Loki notices that his brother is actually great with kids. Rebecca is smiling at him like he holds the secrets of the universe itself; Thor is looking at her with a bright smile and is laughing at everything she says. 

 

“Hey, Lokes, you gonna come in?” Tony asks with a raised eyebrow. Loki nods with his lips pressed together and shuts the door behind himself as he walks fully into the apartment. “Heard you got a car for Christmas, did you bring it?” 

 

“Yes,” Loki answers.

 

“Well, let’s go see it then!” he says, clapping his hand on Loki’s shoulder and turning him back towards the door. “Come on, Bucky, Natasha, Phil, you all said you wanted to see it.” 

 

Bucky rolls his eyes at his boyfriend, “You could let him in the door for a while before pushing him back into the cold, doll.” 

 

“It’s fine,” Loki says, shifting his weight from foot to foot. 

 

The five of them go outside, and Loki unlocks the car and hands Phil the key, so they can check everything out. Tony, to Loki’s surprise, doesn’t get in the car to look, instead hanging back with Loki. “What’s wrong, Loki? You looked like you’d seen a ghost back there.” 

 

“I’m alright.” When Tony just stares at him in response, he sighs and says, “I’ve just been distracted lately, that’s all. My mind was in another place.” _Yeah, imagining Thor being as amazing with the baby as he is with Bucky’s sister._

 

“Have you heard from your mystery man lately?” Tony asks when they all head back inside. It seems a little out of the blue to Loki, who frowns and shrugs. “Just so you know, I’ve never given up trying to figure out who it is.” 

 

“Good luck,” Loki says, but then has trouble swallowing around a newly formed lump in his throat. It’s not that he had never been afraid of someone figuring it out before; he’s already worried over that possibility. But Tony may have the highest chance of figuring it out at this point, which worries Loki.

 

He soon forgets about his worries when the pizza and chicken wings arrive. Lately, he’s been gaining his appetite back and then some. He’s been craving pizza ever since he’d been told that they’d have pizza at this party. He eats almost as much pizza as Thor and Steve and Bucky eat, and they are known to eat way more than the average amount of food at one sitting. After dinner, Thor and Bucky help Rebecca decorate cupcakes for dessert. Loki stands in the kitchen, talking to Bruce and watching over the cupcake decorators. Rebecca keeps looking at him, and he cannot figure out why. But she doesn’t say anything, and he doesn’t ask as he watches her smear frosting on Thor’s cheeks. Thor puts a dot of frosting on her nose in return, and the two laugh. 

 

After the cupcakes are decorated, Rebecca passes them all out to people and everyone eats their cupcakes. They then play board games until Rebecca starts to get too tired, around ten o’clock. She starts yawning and rubbing her eyes and they quickly let her win the game they are playing. “Alright, Becca, I think it’s bedtime,” Bucky says, standing up. “As promised, we will come to the apartment but you need to go to bed.” 

 

“Okay,” she says with a small pout. 

 

“Come on monster, I’ll get you ready and tuck you in,” Bucky says, ruffling her hair.

 

“No, I want someone else.” 

 

“Really? Who?”

 

“Loki,” she says, standing on her chair and pointing at Loki. 

 

“Me?” Loki asks, surprised. 

 

“ _Loki_?” Thor and Bucky ask her. 

 

She nods and holds her arms out to Loki, “Please?” she asks. There’s no way he can say no to her, not when she is holding her arms out to be picked up and giving him that hopeful smile. 

 

“Okay,” Loki agrees, walking over and lifting her up into his arms. She wraps her legs around his middle, and he starts walking towards the door. “But you’ll have to tell me where to go, I don’t know where your bedroom is.”

 

“Okay!” she chirps. Loki leaves Steve’s apartment and goes to Bucky’s. “My bedroom is straight down the hall.” Loki pauses outside that room, where there is a sign on the door that reads, “The Princess Sleeps Here”. Suddenly he is hit with the memories of his dream, of a beautiful little girl. And he thinks that this is his future life; carrying a little girl back to her bedroom, treating her like a princess. 

 

“Do you need help picking out pajamas?” Loki asks, unsure, as he sets her down.

 

“No,” she answers. She walks over to her dresser and rummages around. Soon, she pulls out a pink and yellow tie-dye nightgown, and holds it out to Loki. Loki helps her as quickly as possible change out of her clothes, mainly letting her hold onto him for support and then he slips the nightgown over her head. She goes to brush her teeth and use the bathroom, and when she comes back, he is still standing in the middle of her bedroom. She smiles and takes his hand, leading him over to a little bookshelf. “I get to pick one book to read before bed,” she explains as she looks for the one she wants. She finally picks one up and hands it to him, walking over to her bed and pulling back the covers to climb inside. Loki glances at the cover of the book and narrows his eyes. 

 

“ _What Do You Do With An Idea_?” he reads as he sits on the edge of the bed. “ _One day, I had an idea…._ ” As Loki reads the book, he feels butterflies in his stomach. The story seems to remind him of his situation right now. “ _…I worried what others would think. What would people say about my idea? I kept it to myself. I hid it away and didn’t talk about it. I tried to act like everything was the same as it was before my idea showed up…._ ” The book is so different than books he’d read as a child. Loki finds himself intrigued by the book, and wonders if there are a lot of books like this for kids now. “ _…And then, I realized what you do with an idea… You change the world_.”

 

Loki looks down at Bucky’s sister with a small smile, “Anything else you need?” 

 

She looks down at her hands that are resting above her stomach over the blankets on her bed. She looks almost nervous as she looks back up at him. “Loki?”

 

“Yes?” 

 

“You’re gonna be a really good daddy.” 

 

Loki frowns, “Why do you say that?” 

 

She shrugs, “I just felt like you needed to know. And you are really nice. You don’t treat me like I’m a baby like a lot of Bucky’s friends do. You just treat me like another person.” 

 

“Well, thank you for telling me. I know you aren’t a baby. You are very mature. Do you know what that means?” Loki asks with a smile. She shakes her head. “It means that you act kind of like a grown up.”

 

“Thanks, Loki,” she says softly and hugs him.

 

“Goodnight, Rebecca.” 

 

“It’s Becca,” she corrects as she lays back down and Loki tucks her in. “Goodnight, Loki. Happy New Year.” 

 

“Happy New Year,” Loki says as he turns off her lights and shuts her door most of the way. 

 

The rest of the night seems like nothing to Loki, compared to that time with Becca. They all ring in the new year from Bucky’s living room, and half of them go back to Steve’s apartment about an hour later to sleep. 

 

That night, Loki dreams of the same little girl from Christmas Eve night. 

 

 _The little girl is smiling up at him, lifting her hands up towards him. He lifts her up, spinning her around in a circle. She is laughing, though Loki can’t here her. He sets her down on the ground, and she takes his hand and leads him through a house,_ their house _. She brings them to a room, which must be her bedroom. She lets go of his hand, and grabs a baby doll off of her bed. She shows it to him, holding the doll in her arms like a real baby. She smiles at him and he must have said something to her, because she nods and reaches a hand out, pressing it to his stomach. His round, protruding stomach. And he’s happy, so happy. He can feel it, and feels himself smile and laugh and nod. He loves them, this girl and this baby that is inside of him. And then, the little girl looks up from him and smiles even wider. Loki feels a pair of arms wrap around him from behind, hugging him. The hands settle on his stomach and he feels the baby_ move _. Loki turns his head, and has a set of lips press against him in a gentle kiss. Thor. All three of them, then, he loves all three of them._

 

When he wakes up, he knows what he is going to do with his baby. 

 

He’s the first to wake, shuffling off towards the bathroom. When he gets out of the bathroom, Becca is standing there in her nightgown, holding a book out to him. “Is your family just bad at reading books or something?” he jokes, and she giggles. “Is Bucky boring when he reads? Is that why you wanted me to tuck you in last night? Hmm?” He takes the book from her and walks towards the kitchen with her. “ _The Giving Tree_?” he asks. “I remember this one…. Are you hungry? What should we have for breakfast?” 

 

“Pancakes,” Becca answers with an adorable, bright smile. “There’s a recipe in the book above the stove. We make them on the griddle in the cabinet by the dishwasher.” 

 

“Did you have this all planned out too? A nice book at night, in the morning, and pancakes on the griddle?” he asks in fake exasperation. She covers her mouth as she laughs, trying to keep quiet as they pass the sleeping teens. “Alright, let’s get all of the stuff out and get it ready and while the pancakes cook I will read your book to you.”

 

“Deal.”

 

That’s how Thor finds them a little while later. They already have a pile of pancakes on the table and Becca has a couple on her plate and is drowning them in syrup. “Save some of that for the rest of us, little lady,” Thor says. 

 

Becca grins at him as she stops pouring the syrup on her food. “Hi Thor! Listen to the story with me!” 

 

“Ooh, our mother used to read this to us when we were your age.” 

 

“You were my age?”

 

“Do you want me to continue this story?” Loki asks with an eyebrow raise and a small smile. 

 

“Sorry,” they both answer.

 

When the story is over, there are a lot of pancakes on the table. There’s a knock on the door and Becca answers it with Thor and lets in Steve, Bruce, Phil, Clint and Natasha. “They’re still sleeping,” Loki hears Becca explain as she leads them to the kitchen. “But Loki’s making pancakes!” she chirps as they enter the room. 

 

“You know how to cook?” Natasha laughs, grabbing a plate and piling pancakes onto it. 

 

“We get to eat now?” Thor asks excitedly. 

 

“Someone has to wake Tony and Bucky up, but then everyone can eat.” 

 

Clint immediately leaves the room and shouts, “Wake up lovebirds!” 

 

Loki smirks as he hears the boys startling in response. He tries not to laugh as Becca says, “Well, I couldda done that.” 

 

When Loki is driving home, Thor says, “You were really good with Becca.” 

 

Loki shrugs, “She’s a sweet girl. Nothing like her brother,” he jokes. 

 

“You should think of doing something with kids.” 

 

“Just because I do well with one child does not mean that I do well with every child.” 

 

“Well, I don’t think anyone does well with _every_ child. But it was just a thought.” 

 

Loki goes to his next appointment a week after New Year’s. “At nineteen weeks,” Doctor Vanessa, “they say babies may be able to hear. So if you feel comfortable with it, feel free to talk to your baby. He or she may be able to learn your voice over the next few months.” 

 

“I didn’t know that. Thanks.” 

 

After some more talking and an ultrasound, Doctor Vanessa asks the one question he’s been thinking hard about. “Have you been thinking over your options lately?”

 

“I have.” 

 

“I don’t mean to push or pry. I just like to keep up to date with my patients’ decisions about their babies. This way I can help you to the best of my ability.” 

 

“I understand.” Loki shifts on the bed as he wipes the ultrasound gel off of his stomach. “I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately. I decided that I want to keep the baby. And I know that it is a big responsibility. I know that I’m young, and I’ll be fresh out of high school when the baby is born. I know that a baby costs a lot of money, and it needs stability, and I’ll need to work. But I really, really want this.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Hope you enjoyed, feel free to comment and leave kudos if you enjoy. Love to get feedback and hear what you all think about my work so far. We are over half way to the end!


	7. Baby Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki babysits, goes to a movie with his friends, and decides to write a letter to his baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has been so long! My computer software crashed and had to be wiped so I lost basically everything except this story and couldn't edit it in the common areas at school, because, you know, fanfiction is kinda private. But here it is. More to come soon!
> 
> Please read the end notes to help me know when to add something to the story!!!

Chapter Seven: Baby Mine

 

_And learn to see._

 

The first day back in school after break, Loki wakes up feeling what he finally realizes is his baby moving. He sits on his bed with his hand resting over the hardly there bump, not feeling it from the outside but just from the inside. After basking in the moment, he gets up to go about his morning. Thor drives them to school, like he usually does, and Loki parts ways from Clint and Thor to head to his locker. When he gets there, Tony leans against the locker and says, “Way to impress my boyfriend’s parents, Reindeer Games.”

 

“What are you talking about, Metal Head?” Loki retorts with a shake of his head.

 

“Bucky’s parents are, like, completely in love with you after New Year’s.”

 

“O…kay?” Loki says, shutting his locker and walking in the direction of his first class.

 

“That was supposed to be me.”

 

“Well, I didn’t try to impress them, or Becca, really. Besides, it’s not like they love me because I’m good with Bucky. I’m good with their little kid, and you are not a kid person.”

 

“I _am_ _so_ a kid person,” Tony says with a mock gasp and a hand over his heart. Loki laughs and shakes his head. “Well, I could be, if it was the right kid. Becca’s a nice girl, but I never really bonded with her when she was really little, like Thor did.”

 

“So I’m the only one who is able to bond with her now?”

 

“Touché, Loki, touché.” Tony pauses outside of Loki’s classroom with him. “I’ll see you in a little bit, yeah?”

 

“Yeah, see you in class,” Loki says, disappearing into his classroom.

 

At lunch, Bucky drops into the seat next to him, which is odd for him. Loki turns to look at him with a raised eyebrow. When Bucky just looks back at him, Loki says, “Can I help you?”

 

“My parents want you to babysit Becca,” Bucky grumbles.

 

“Wow, and here I thought that Stark was just being dramatic,” Loki says with a laugh. Steve sits down across from Bucky and sits silently.

 

“Well, would you do it?”

 

“Sure,” Loki says with a shrug. “It wouldn’t be a horrible way to spend a few evenings or days. Just let me know when or have them call me.”

 

“You’d seriously watch my little sister instead of doing… whatever it is you usually do on the weekends?” Bucky asks, seemingly surprised.

 

“Why not? Contrary to popular belief, I didn’t do much before Tony and I went out and I don’t do much outside of what we all do as a group. I also never really hung out with you guys before, and I won’t be heartbroken if I have to miss a time or two hanging out with all of you.”

 

“I didn’t think you liked kids,” Steve says from his seat across from Bucky.

 

“You don’t really know much about me, do you?” Loki practically snaps.

 

Tony sits down next to Steve, across from Loki, “Ooh, someone is cranky.”

 

“You all act like you know so much about me. But before Tony and I went out, none of you even cared that I was around. And when I was with Tony, you two were too busy pining to care to get to know me. You two don’t know anything about me.”

 

“Loki…” Tony says with a frown.

 

“No, it’s okay. I understand why. I am just Thor’s little brother, and I’m just Tony’s ex, and I’m nothing special. I know that. I’m comfortable with it.”

 

“None of that it true, Loki,” Bucky says. Loki scoffs.

 

Steve interrupts, “Bucky’s right! It’s _not_ true! The reason why we didn’t get to know you before was because we didn’t think you liked any of us. We thought you just wanted to get away from us whenever you had the chance. We thought you liked to be alone. We were wrong. And we regret not being good friends towards you before this year. We all regret it,” he says, gesturing around them and Loki notices that they are all there now. Thor, Clint, Phil, Natasha, Bruce, all standing around the table, looking regretful.

 

“Let’s try to have a good second semester,” Phil proposes. “We all need to work on being good friends. Let’s take the rest of our high school careers to become better friends.”

 

“I’m in,” Clint offers with a smirk. “Everyone who wants to be in on this, put your hand in.” Clint puts his hand out. He rolls his eyes when everyone just stares at him, “I know it’s cheesy, okay? Just do it!”

 

Before long, everyone has their hands in except Loki. Steve and Tony come around the table to join in, and Tony puts his hand on Loki’s shoulder. Finally, Loki puts his hand in and shakes his head with a small laugh. “Alright you weirdos. I’m in.”

 

About a week later, Loki is laying on his bed with his hand resting over his bare stomach. Lately, he’s been noticing his baby’s presence more and more. The small feelings that he’d recognized as movement are now turning into stronger kicking. Along with the kicking, and the small bump beneath his hand, he has acne flare-ups and varicose veins, large swelled veins along the backs of his legs. He noticed the ache several days before, staring at his pimply face with a glare. He’d been graced with little ache problems as a teen, and now he is finding that he hasn’t quite dodged the acne bullet. The veins are new, just noticeable to Loki a day before. The swelled veins stuck out like giant neon signs screaming, “Look at me, look at me!”

 

“Loki?” Thor calls out from downstairs. Loki immediately grabs his shirt and sits up to pull it over his head. He hears feet pounding up the stairs as he stands up and grabs his sweatshirt to pull over his head just as there is knocking at his door. “Loki?” Thor asks again.

 

“Come in!” he calls over his shoulder.

 

“Are you planning on coming with to the party at Tony’s tonight?” Thor asks as he leans against Loki’s doorjamb.

 

“Uh, no,” Loki says as he walks around to his desk, grabbing his bag and shoving stuff into it. “I’m babysitting Becca tonight.”

 

“I thought you wanted to be more involved? Become better friends with everyone?”

 

“Yes, well, I’m not much for parties. You know that. And the Barnes’ asked if I could watch Becca for the evening, into the night. They have a work party, and Bucky is obviously going to Tony’s but obviously said that you all are just _watching movies,_ ” Loki adds with an eye roll.

 

“You really don’t want to go to the party?”

 

“I know that you know that I don’t like them. It has nothing to do with the last two I’ve been to.”

 

“Really? It has _nothing_ to do with that?” Thor asks doubtingly.

 

“Okay, well, I mean, it has a _little_ to do with it. But not _completely_.” Loki looks at Thor and he sees that his brother is giving him a concerned expression. “Hey, I’m fine, really. I really don’t care that I’m not going to the party. You guys can stay up till the early hours getting drunk and I will stay up till the early hours cooking dinner and reading kids books. I mean, if you guys were watching movies or just hanging out, just the eight of you, maybe I’d be upset if I was babysitting. But I’m completely fine missing a party. But thanks, you know, for being concerned about it.”

 

“‘Course,” Thor says. Loki expects him to leave but he doesn’t. “You know, Loki, I really care about you. A lot. And I want us to be close.”

 

“I… I want that too, Thor. It’s just…” Loki looks down at his feet, “it’s hard. It’s really, really hard for me. You know?”

 

“I… I understand,” Thor says, and when Loki looks up, Thor is looking at his own feet.

 

“I’m, uh…” Loki starts, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, “I need to go, I wanted to stop at the library and pick up a few books to show Becca. And then I’m gonna head over there, because Bucky is leaving soon and his parents wanted to talk, before they go to their party.”

 

“Right… right, sorry, I’ll just… go then.”

 

“Okay,” Loki says with a hot face, looking back down at his feet. Thor hesitates for another few seconds before turning his back on Loki and walking out the door.

 

When he gets to the Barnes’ apartment, Bucky greets him at the door and Becca runs to greet him as well. “Hi Loki, are those books for me to read?” she asks as she tries to look at the covers of the books.

 

“Maybe,” Loki teases, shifting them out of her reach.

 

Bucky’s parents are standing in the kitchen when he leads Loki there. “Mom, Dad, this is Loki Odinson. Loki, these are my parents Winifred and George.”

 

“It’s nice to meet you both,” Loki says politely.

 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Loki,” Winifred greets with a smile. “Becca had such a great time with you when we were out for New Years, we were happy when you agreed to watch her for us.”

 

“Well, I enjoyed our time together as well and am glad that Bucky set this up.”

 

“You have Bucky’s number in case you have any questions, yes?” George asks and Loki nods. “Our numbers are on the fridge and so are any emergency numbers you may need.”

 

Winifred adds, “There’s mac and cheese and frozen chicken nuggets in the freezer for dinner, when you are both hungry. Bedtime is at eight o’clock, you can give her a bath if you want and I’d start that by seven thirty if you do it, and she gets one book before bed if she is in bed at or after eight. If she’s in bed early, she can have books until that time.”

 

“Sounds great. We will be fine, don’t worry about us. I’ll call if there are any problems,” Loki assures them.

 

Bucky says, “I’m leaving now, gonna get Steve and go downstairs before Tony gets here to pick us up.”

 

“Okay, see you tomorrow, James,” his mother says, kissing him on the cheek. Loki smirks but turns his face away from the adults. Bucky throws him a silent and quick friendly glare before leaving the apartment. “And we will see you in the morning, darling,” she says, kissing Becca’s cheek. “We will be back around one in the morning at the latest. Feel free to nap if you need to, once Becca is asleep. She will get you if she has a problem. We understand that that can be pretty late for some babysitters, so don’t hesitate to take advantage of that.”

 

“I doubt there will be a need for that, but thank you.”

 

“We will see you when we get back,” George says as they start towards the door of the apartment.

 

“Bye!” Becca chirps with a wave.

 

Everyone laughs at the eager little girl, and they walk out the door, leaving Loki and Becca alone. “So, kiddo, what do you think? It’s only four o’clock right now, so maybe I could start dinner in an hour so we eat around five-thirty? And for now, we can do just about anything you want.”

 

“Sounds good to me!” she agrees and grabs his hand to drag him to the couch. “Let’s read one of your books and then we can play a game!”

 

They do that and then Loki starts dinner. They eat together as Becca tells Loki about her friends at school and in the apartment building. After dinner, they watch a TV show and then play with her stuffed animals, who are secret agents on a top secret mission to find cookies. It’s actually a fun evening for Loki, and he learns a lot about Becca from it. He doesn’t remember ever being as creative as she is, with her secret agent animals. But he figures it is from some of the shows she watches, encouraging some less traditional play ideas.

 

Before long, Loki is giving the little girl a bath before bedtime. He’s basically just sitting on the counter across from the tub, reading a book to her as she washes up and plays in the tub. When the book is over, Becca speaks up. “Loki?”

 

“Yes, Becca?”

 

“Why does Bucky kiss Steve _and_ Tony, now?”

 

Loki coughs as his face grows hot, “Um, that’s a good question.”

 

“Do you have an answer?” the girl asks cheekily.

 

“Well, do you know what dating means?”

 

“U-huh. It’s like boyfriends and girlfriends,” she answers innocently.

 

“Right. Well, your brother is dating both Steve _and_ Tony. So when you are dating, you do a lot of things. Like hold hands and share food and kiss.”

 

“Don’t people usually just date one person?” she asks with a tilt of her head.

 

“Usually. But sometimes people love more than just one other person the way people love each other when they date.”

 

Becca’s eyes grow wide, “Bucky _loves_ Steve and Tony?”

 

“He does,” Loki confirms. “Just like your mommy and daddy love each other.”

 

She ponders this for a minute, quietly playing with the bubbles in the tub. Finally, she speaks again, “I’m ready to get out.”

 

“Alright,” Loki says, standing up and grabbing her towel. “Up you go!” he says, and she stands up, holding onto Loki’s hand to keep her balance. He wraps the towel around her and then lifts her out of the tub.

 

He takes another towel to use to wipe off the excess water in her hair and on her arms and legs before they walk to her room. She puts her underwear on herself and Loki helps her with her nightgown. “Loki?” she asks again and he hums in response. “Does that mean that Bucky is going to have babies with Steve and Tony?”

 

“ _What_?” he asks, voice cracking.

 

“Well, you said that he loves Steve and Tony like Mommy and Daddy love each other. They had babies: me and Bucky. So, will the boys have babies?”

 

“When I said that he loved them like your parents love each other, I was trying to say that he loves them in a different way than the way he loves you and your parents.”

 

“Oh,” she says, thinking. “So no babies?”

 

“I don’t know, Becca. Sometimes people who love each other like that have babies together. But not all people who love each other like that do have babies. Does that make sense?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Why don’t we read a book?” He lets her pick out a book and then they sit on the bed, Becca under the covers.

 

Before Loki can start reading, Becca speaks up. “Do people who don’t love each other like that have babies together sometimes?” she asks.

 

“What makes you ask that?”

 

“Well, Henry’s mommy told him that his daddy didn’t love her like that, and that’s why he went away before Henry was born.”

 

“Then, I think you can answer your own question, don’t you think?”

 

“Yes, but I don’t understand why Henry’s mommy would have a baby with Henry’s daddy if they didn’t love each other like that.”

 

Loki swallows around a lump in his throat, “Well, sometimes people think that they love each other like that, and it turns out that they don’t. And sometimes one person loves the other person like that, but the other person doesn’t feel the same way. Sometimes people have babies before they talk about if they love each other. And sometimes they do talk about it and they end up not loving each other later. Babies don’t mean that people love each other. Babies are something that some people have because they love each other, and sometimes babies are something that they have even if they don’t love each other. But people have babies because they love their babies. Even if they have to help the baby grow up by themselves, like Henry’s mommy has to, they still love their baby.”

 

“Wow,” she says in awe.

 

Loki laughs and ruffles her hair, “How about your book now?”

 

A few weeks later, Loki struggles to alleviate some of the swelling in his ankles and feet. He lays backwards on his bed, feet resting on the headboard as he balances a bowl of popcorn on his chest. He’s reading a play for his theater class and getting himself mentally prepared to go with Thor and their friends to a movie. His door is wide open and he has forgotten by now, so when he hears a clear voice coming from the doorway, he jumps a little in surprise. “Doing some pre-movie popcorn eating?” Thor teases. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

 

“It’s fine,” Loki says, sitting up and turning himself to face Thor. “What are we seeing, anyway?”

 

“I don’t know. Tony picked it. Knowing him these days, it will probably be a rom-com.”

 

“Eh, nothing wrong with a romantic comedy once in a while.”

 

“I suppose,” Thor says with a shrug. “Phil picked Clint up earlier and is picking Natasha up, and Tony is picking up his boyfriends and Bruce, so it’s just you and me riding together.”

 

“Okay,” Loki says. “Would you like to share my food?” he asks when Thor continues to stand by his door.

 

“Okay,” Thor agrees, walking over to sit next to Loki. They eat in silence for a few moments before Thor asks, “Has your hair gotten longer?”

 

“Maybe, I don’t know,” Loki replies, running his fingers through the long locks.

 

“It looks good on you,” Thor assures him.

 

When the popcorn is finished, Thor brings the bowl downstairs for Loki and Loki starts to get ready to go to the movie. As he’s pulling on a clean sweatshirt, he pauses and stares at his figure in the mirror. Though his bump is still so small that no one has even seemed to notice it, it is there. And, as Loki feels the baby move, he can see in the mirror the baby moving a body part across his bump. He stares with wide eyes as a foot or elbow or _something_ makes its way across the womb. _Cause that’s going to be fun to hide_ , he thinks. As the baby finishes its trek across the womb, he pulls the sweatshirt down and rests his hand on the bump. “Let’s try to not do that in public,” he pleads. “Wouldn’t want to ruin the secret after all this time, now would we?”

 

The drive to the movie theater is comfortably uneventful, and when they get there, Clint, Phil, and Natasha are there already. “Any idea what we are seeing?” Clint asks Loki, who shrugs. “Wow. I thought for sure that he would have told _you_ already. Since you two are so close now.”

 

“Well, he didn’t tell me,” Loki says, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

“No need to get defensive, dude. I wasn’t trying to be mean.”

 

“Ooh, is everyone fighting over me?” Tony asks excitedly as he and the others arrive.

 

“Don’t get yourself too excited Tony; we wouldn’t want you to ruin your pants,” Loki jokes with a smirk. There’s a lot of surprised laughter, and Tony frowns.

 

“Rude, Lokes, rude.”

 

“What are we seeing, Stark?” Phil asks.

 

“Glad you asked, my friend, glad you asked. We are seeing _Fifty Shades Freed_.”

 

Everybody groans except for Natasha, who smirks and walks up to Tony, offering her arm. “Good choice, Mr. Stark, good choice. Want to sit next to me and make fun of every cliché?”

 

“And every heteronormative moment of it? Yes!” Tony says joyfully, taking her arm and leading her to pick up the already purchased tickets.

 

“Doesn’t he know that there are better movies out?” Thor asks.

 

“I think he does, and his point is that he wants to watch this one to make fun of it,” Phil answers.

 

“We could always sneak out and watch something else,” Bucky offers with a shrug.

 

“We’d never hear the end of it, from either of them,” Clint says, nodding towards the pair.

 

“But we’d leave with our sanity intact,” Steve points out.

 

“What? None of you can play his game?” Loki asks. “All he wants is for us to make fun of this movie, not enjoy it. Besides, you just know that all of the other people here that are our age are going to this movie, so it’s not like anyone can make fun of you about it.”

 

“Loki’s right, lets just play Tony’s game,” Thor agrees.

 

The movie is just about what they expected. But Loki sits next to Thor and Natasha, and the game that Tony wants them to play gets him through the movie. Tony keeps leaning forward to look at him, for whatever reason, and Loki just pretends not to notice. Thor leans over and whispers jokes and criticisms of the movie in his ear, and Loki snickers and does the same. It isn’t the worst way to spend the day. His brother by his side, Loki feels happier than he usually does.

 

Reality hit when they were done.

 

His baby begins to kick him, and he reaches a hand down to soothe the spot where he’d felt the kick. He hisses quietly in pain as a harder kick happens in the same spot. “Are you okay, brother?” Thor asks, looking concerned.

 

“Just a sharp pain, it’s gone now. Don’t worry,” he says when Thor does not stop looking concerned.

 

They all go to eat at a diner afterwards, burgers and fries and shakes all around. Thor steals one of Loki’s fries with a grin, laughing when Loki hits his arm. Loki sticks his finger in Thor’s shake in retaliation, licking chocolate ice cream off his finger with a smirk. “Alright, weirdos,” Clint says. “That’s enough of whatever that is. Seems too weird to be a normal brother thing.”

 

Thor shrugs, “You don’t have a brother.”

 

Loki smiles and is glad, in that moment, that none of their friends actually _have_ brothers. Until Clint shrugs, “Not anymore I don’t.” Loki frowns deeply.

 

Thor looks regretful, “I’m sorry, Clint.”

 

“It’s fine,” he says, leaning forwards and grabbing a pickle of of Thor’s plate. “I’ll just pretend you are all my brothers.”

 

“Not a man,” Natasha sing-songs.

 

“And sister!”

 

They all laugh and return to eating.

 

The next week, Loki goes to his next appointment. It is the day before Valentine’s Day, and Loki is just hoping that both the appointment and Valentine’s Day pass quickly. The nurse weighs him, measures his belly, which has hardly grown since the last appointment, and asks if there were any changes to his health. Doctor Vanessa starts with her normal questions when she comes into the room. “I saw the baby move her limbs across my belly,” Loki tells her when she is moving from her questioning to her exam and explanation of the weeks to come.

 

The doctor smiles and raises an eyebrow, “Her?” She laughs when Loki blushes. “It’s okay to think of your baby as a gender, even if you do not know for sure yourself. And the limb thing is completely normal. Though, I figured you would see less of that with your tilted uterus. But your baby must be very active, if you’ve already noticed that.”

 

“Yes, a very active baby indeed.”

 

“Something that I wanted to suggest to you, Loki, is writing a letter for your baby.”

 

“A letter?” Loki asks, eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

 

“Some people find it a comfort to write to their baby. You can write anything and everything you want. Most people who do this end up sharing it with their child later in life, when they think that the child will understand everything they wrote. Some never share it with their child. Either is completely understandable. Of course, you do not need to do it. It’s just something that I suggest to all of my patients.”

 

“What do people usually include in their letter?”

 

She shrugs as she has him lay down to feel his belly. “Some write a love letter to their baby, just telling them good, happy things. Some tell them what has happened in their pregnancy so far, what has happened to their body and what changes they have made to prepare for their baby. Some write down everything. Sometimes people use it because the story of their baby is not a simple thing that you could explain to a young child. Some people use it to tell their child everything that happened from the moment the child was conceived, or even before that. It’s up to you what you tell and what you leave out.”

 

“I… I’ll think about doing it,” Loki agrees, sitting up when the doctor moves away.

 

“I’m glad to hear it. Now, lets talk about what you should expect over the next two weeks, because we will be starting to have appointments about two weeks apart from each other, from now on.”

 

Loki wakes up early the next morning. He gets ready for the day but finds that he is still up earlier than usual, so he tries to find something to do. After lazily reading news articles on his laptop for a few minutes, he decides to look at baby stuff online. He, after a bit of debate, makes an account with Buy Buy Baby. He adds a bunch of tiny clothes to a shopping list on his account. He picks mostly girly things, but includes some gender neutral clothes. He knows that those are the clothes he will need to have ready for the baby when it is born, just in case it is not the girl he pictures. Then he sets about looking at different nursery themes. It’s hard to pick one out and he finds himself getting frustrated, so he gives up and closes his laptop. Luckily, now it’s about the time he usually goes down.

 

When he goes downstairs, he notices that his parents have both left for the day. Odin usually is gone by now, but usually Frigga is still in the house but Loki had not heard her music upstairs and does not hear it now. He walks into the kitchen and Thor is there, which is not unusual. What _is_ unusual, however, is that he is cooking. He’s cooking scrambled eggs and french toast, by the looks of it, and Loki freezes in the doorway. Thor looks up and smiles at him. “Brother! Good morning! Happy Valentine’s Day,” he says. “I got up early this morning and decided to cook you some breakfast. I’ve got your favorite.”

 

“I…. _Why_?” Loki asks, voice cracking.

 

Thor frowns and looks back down at what he’s cooking. “Can’t I do something nice for my brother?”

 

“No,” Loki says, surprised. He blinks against his own word, “I mean, sure you can but I guess I just don’t understand why.”

 

“Because you are my brother. And I love you.”

 

Loki presses his lips together and tries to give a tight-lipped smile. “Love you too,” he says quietly, his heart hurting and his baby moving, as if sensing his distress.

 

They eat together quietly, and go to school together quietly, Clint being the only one talking.

 

Tony’s leaning against Loki’s locker when he get there. “Hey, Reindeer Games. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

 

“Happy Valentine’s Day to you too,” Loki says, gently moving Tony out of the way so he can use his locker.

 

“I got you something,” Tony adds, bouncing on his feet.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because you’re my friend and if I wanna give you a gift, I will.” Tony says with a raised eyebrow. “And you’re my ex-boyfriend.”

 

“Ex being the operative word,” Loki says with an eye rolls, but he turns to Tony anyways. “Well, are you going to give me this gift?”

 

Tony smiles and hands him a gift bag from behind his back. Loki takes the bag and pulls the tissue paper out of it, peering into the bag to see the contents. He smiles and laughs as he pulls out the items. The first item is a box of assorted chocolates. The movie ticket purchase confirmation says that it is for the double feature of _Mary Poppins_ and _The Sound of Music_ for tonight, a special Valentine’s Day night event. “Thought it would be nice to take you back there. Since we’ve kinda stopped doing it since we “broke up”. Steve and Bucky know about the movie night. I told them we’d spend a very _special_ weekend together to make up for it. If you know what I mean.” As if his words weren’t enough to pack a punch, Tony waggles his eyebrows at him.

 

Loki wrinkles his nose in distaste, “Yeah, I don’t think anyone would not be able to understand what you mean there, Stark.”

 

“So you’ll come with me?” Tony asks hopefully.

 

“I could be persuaded,” Loki smirks. He closes his locker and starts to walk to his class, Tony keeping up.

 

“Hmm, well I promise we can get milkshakes and fries afterwards. And popcorn at the movie.”

 

“And you won’t make any more sexual jokes around me for the day,” Loki adds.

 

Tony scoffs, hand to chest, “I would _never_ make a _sexual_ joke. Sex is for _adults_!” A teacher walks by and gives them a weird look, and Loki laughs with Tony.

 

“Alright, Stark, deal.”

 

“Good. Enjoy the chocolates, and I’ll pick you up at six thirty.”

 

Loki shakes his head with a smile as he walks into his classroom.

 

“I thought you and Tony broke up?” Frigga asks later that evening, when Loki is waiting to be picked up.

 

Thor pipes up before Loki can reply. “They did, Mother. Tony’s dating Steve and Bucky now but is giving up spending Valentine’s with them to go to this movie thing.”

 

“He’s making it up to them. It’s not like he just ditched them to spend the night with me.”

 

“His ex,” Thor reminds him.

 

“That has nothing to do with it, and you know it!” Loki shouts. “We are friends, you know. As I am friends with the rest of your little group, now. Friends do things together.”

 

“Alone?”

 

“Yes, alone!” Loki exclaims. “I’m aloud to have fun without you, you know.”

 

“I know that!” Thor booms. “I just would think Tony’d want to be with his boyfriends instead of with his ex!”

 

“You’re just jealous that I have someone to be around on Valentine’s Day!” Loki yells.

 

“Oh, I’m jealous?!” Thor asks.

 

“Enough, both of you!” Frigga shouts. “Enough. You’d think the two of you are little boys again, with all of the fighting and bickering you’re doing.”

 

“Sorry, Mother,” Loki says.

 

“Yes, sorry,” Thor agrees. Both boys look to their feet, heads hung low like scolded puppies.

 

“I understand that the two of you have had a tough year with each other, but please try to keep some sense of love towards each other. You are brothers, after all.”

 

Loki feels his stomach turn in response, and it is not his baby’s fault, for the first time in a long time. Lucky for him, the doorbell rings and he says a quiet goodbye before slipping out of the kitchen.

 

He and Tony spend another wonderful movie night together, and laugh over milkshakes and fries afterwards. “Can you believe that we will be graduating high school in just a few months?” Tony asks.

 

“No, I really can’t believe it,” Loki answers truthfully.

 

“And then a few months after that I’ll be going to MIT with Bruce, and Phil, Clint, and Natasha will go to NYU, and Steve and Bucky will go to Boston University. Thor hasn’t decided and you always avoid the questions, but… we’re all going to be in different places, doing different things.”

 

“Yeah….”

 

That weekend, Loki finds himself lying on his bed. It’s a Friday night and Loki can’t find it in himself to relax. His back aches, his feet are sore and swollen, and he’s been having cramps in his legs off and on all day. He’s lying there, trying and failing to relax. Then his baby starts to move. At least, he thinks it is moving. Until the moving becomes a sort of rhythmic movement, and he realizes with a start that the movements are hiccups. He laughs, hand on his belly, as he feels his baby hiccup.

 

He sits up with a sudden desire to start the letter he’s decided to try to write. He grabs a few pieces of paper, and a pen. He freezes with his pen hovering over the paper for a moment before he begins to write.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter, leave me comments or kudos if you feel like it! 
> 
> I wrote the letter Loki is writing to his baby, and need to know when to put it in here. Should I do it now or sometime later? Let me know in the comments or vote on my poll! https://linkto.run/p/QQP5FJET 
> 
> I appreciate your input!


	8. The Whole World at Your Fingertips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki goes baby shopping, everyone shares their post-high school plans as they prepare for the fast-approaching graduation, and Tony thinks he learns Loki's secrets.

Chapter Eight: The Whole World at Your Fingertips

 

_All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free._

 

Loki sits in the car on the way back from his doctor’s appointment with a content smile. He’s finally into his third and final trimester, and he’s extremely happy that he is. He basically is counting down the number of weeks before he will be holding his baby in his arms. That thought alone still scares him a little bit, but not as much as it used to. He’s settled into the idea of having a baby now. Now, his only worries stem from not knowing if he will know what to do with his baby.

 

Will he know how to feed the baby properly? Will he be able to burp the baby the right way? Will he change diapers the correct way? Will he make sure to support the baby’s head whenever he holds it? Will he be able to balance working and being a single parent? Will he end up without a place to live because he cannot afford to do it all?

 

He pulls into a baby store parking lot far enough away from home that he doesn’t think he will run into anyone he knows. He walks into the store and grabs a cart, walking up and down the aisles. Tiny baby clothes are thrown into the cart in haphazard fashion. Tiny socks, onesies, sleepers, hats, scratch mittens, pants, and sweatshirts are all thrown in. Most of them are newborn, 0-3 months, and a few 3-6 month clothes and even a pack of preemie onesies, just in case. His cart, in the end, is filled with yellow, white, pink and purple clothes. But he still pauses in other sections, including the diaper section, where he throws in several packs of diapers in a few different sizes. He also gets a nice wrap to carry the baby in, where you can change the wrap depending on the age and size of your baby.

 

And then he is in the nursery section. He looks around at the different types of furniture choices. There are the cribs he is used to, which now tends to be convertible into a toddler bed, and bassinets, cradles, and even simple moses baskets. On top of that, there are different types of all of those; and even things for “co-sleeping”, where the baby would sleep with you in the bed, cradled in some support where they wouldn’t roll out. He bites his lip, not sure what he is supposed to do. Then, an older woman approaches him. She’s a store employee, he realizes when she has gotten closer. He tries to remain calm as she stands next to him, looking over the options with him. “You seem overwhelmed. Can I help you pick out what you think you need?”

 

Loki hesitates, before deciding that she must simply want to help him. “I just don’t understand why there are so many choices. Which one is the right one?”

 

“Well, it depends on you and your baby,” she answers with a kind smile. “How far along are you?” she asks.

 

He feels his face heat up as he answers, “About twenty-eight weeks.”

 

“Wow, you are hardly even showing! It takes a trained eye like mine to spot a pregnancy like yours.” Loki laughs nervously at her words. “Are you here with your boyfriend?” she asks as she pulls some papers out of a few different displays.

 

“No, just me,” he says quietly, nervous eyes flicking up to gauge her reaction. To her credit, she mostly just nods and smiles a kind smile.

 

“Well then, let’s look at these papers on the different products, yes?” Loki nods. “The first thing to know is that people often do not like to start a baby out in a crib, because they tend to be cozier in something like a bassinet. It’s also easier to bend down to pick your baby up out of a bassinet than a crib. My daughter started all three of her babies in a bassinet and ended up moving them to a crib when they were a few months old. My son only put one of his two babies in a bassinet in the beginning. Both are fine decisions, though I know my daughter-in-law liked the bassinet because she was in a bit of pain for the first few days of being at home, and she liked the bassinet better for that reason.”

 

She pauses before continuing, “But there are a few other products some prefer over both a crib and bassinet. There’s a moses basket, which can be easy to move around the home, if you do not want to carry a baby monitor or be near your baby while they sleep. People really like them when they go to places like grandparents homes, because they can pack it in the car and bring it with so the baby can still sleep as they normally do. There’s cradles, which are similar to bassinets but they rock. Other people like the co-sleepers. There are a few different kinds- some that are just small foam and fabric separating you and your baby, that sits on your bed and some attach to the side of your bed. I really don’t recommend these, as many people find them pretty dangerous.”

 

“I think a bassinet may be the best thing, right now.”

 

“Okay,” she says. “We have several different styles. Do you know if it is a boy or a girl?”

 

“I think it is a girl, but I’m waiting to find out.”

 

“That’s so nice, not many people wait to find out anymore. Well, I can show you some gender neutral ones and you can pick out the sheets you want.”

 

In the end, he walks home with a bunch of clothes, a bassinet, a wrap, diapers, and some bottles that she helps pick out. He promises to return again and says he will seek her out for help, and he actually means it.

 

He is suddenly aware that he can’t hide all of this stuff in his bedroom.

 

Luckily, it is something he has thought about before. So he goes down to a storage unit place, where he can order a unit for cheap and pay by month, without getting locked into a plan. He puts all of the stuff in there, for safe keeping.

 

Loki gets to spend time over the next few weeks picking out more baby things, reading parenting books, and apartment hunting. He also goes out with Tony to the movies again and gets to settle into a familiar routine. Tony tells him all about his relationship with Steve and Bucky (not that Loki didn’t gather enough info from being around them at school) and talks about how he has been envisioning a future where the three of them are together. Loki tries his best to be enthusiastic for his friend, even though it is clear to him that he will not be able to tell Tony about what he sees in _his_ future.

 

It is not that Loki is not enjoying the idea of his future, but not being able to share it is extremely hard. Everyone is talking about their futures. College, careers, love lives, and the many years to come. Even Tony Stark, Mr. “Live in the Moment” himself, is imagining what his life will look like in one, five, even _ten_ years. And all Loki knows for sure is that he will have a ten-year-old child in ten years. His future only has that one promise.

 

Thor and Loki are still butting heads off and on. That does not come as a surprise to most. It seems that that is what they were born to do: argue, disagree, butt heads. Then they’d make up, get along for a while, and start the whole process over again.

 

School is slowly winding to a close. With only six weeks left until graduation, Loki knows that Thor is getting closer to making a college decision. One morning, Thor sits next to Loki on the couch and asks, “What are you doing after high school?”

 

Loki raises an eyebrow at him, glancing up from his writing in a notebook for class. “I could ask you the same, brother.”

 

“Yes, well, I’m asking you.”

 

Loki shrugs, “I’m hoping to move into an apartment and work.”

 

Thor frowns, “No school?”

 

“Not right away. Maybe in a few years.”

 

Thor’s eyes widen slightly. “A _few years_? Usually if people take a break after high school, it’s just for one year. Not a few.”

 

“Yes, well, I am not like _most people_ ,” Loki says coolly.

 

“What is keeping you from going to school?” Thor asks. “You know Mother and Father will help pay for your schooling, so you don’t need to work _too_ hard to get the money for all of it.”

 

“Yes, well, I foresee other expenses in my life, ones that Mother and Father will not be too keen to pay for,” Loki replies, erasing his work that he’d messed up due to Thor’s distracting.

 

“Like what?” Thor presses.

 

 _Like your child!_ Loki wants to yell. But, instead, he just sighs and says, “I do not wish to discuss it, Thor.”

 

“Maybe I will take time away from schooling as well,” Thor suggests. Loki suppresses an eye roll. This is something that Thor has done since they were children. When Loki tries to go against the norm, Thor pretends that he will follow him down the path less traveled.

 

Loki shakes his head. “Don’t do that just because I’m doing it.”

 

“Then maybe I’ll go to a local community school for some time,” he says with a small shrug.

 

Loki presses his tongue to the roof of his mouth, trying to control his annoyance. “Why would you do that?”

 

“Because then maybe I could work and we could get that apartment together.”

 

Loki laughs and shakes his head, “I don’t think that will work well.”

 

“Why not?”

 

Finally, Loki rolls his eyes, looking up at Thor. “Do not play dumb, brother. It doesn’t suit you.”

 

“Well, I know we’ve had some problems, but we can work through them,” Thor tries, putting his hand over Loki’s, where it rests on his knee.

 

Loki stares at it for a long moment, trying to figure out what exactly Thor is trying to do, here. He moves into action before his thoughts can stray too far from reality and pulls his hand away, standing up quickly. “I cannot pretend that all is well between us. And I cannot live in an apartment with you if this is how things will be, between the two of us.”

 

He leaves the house, grabbing his backpack, and drives himself to school.

 

He and Thor do not talk much over the next few weeks. After his twenty-ninth week, Easter comes and goes with family parties where Loki spends most of his time only talking to his cousin Tess. Apparently, his bad mood was enough to keep even Hela away from him at the gathering. For once, he isn’t so much as even looked at in an evil way by the teen, and the adults seem to avoid him like the plague. Thor, Loki notices, hardly even talks to Hoder. Balder spends the time sulking because Thor won’t even look at him.

 

Thor spends most of the time watching Loki. Loki pretends not to notice, interacts with Tess as if he is completely into everything she is saying. But he can feel Thor’s eyes every time he turns away.

 

They get a week off from school, and Loki spends most of his time apartment hunting and buying baby things. He goes to another doctor’s appointment and buys a car seat and stroller on the way home. He buys swaddle blankets and a baby monitor and a baby health/grooming kit that has a bunch of different types of things a baby may need. He buys pacifiers, a few toys, and a scrapbook that he begins making for the baby. He fills it with ultrasound pictures from throughout his pregnancy, and little notes about the baby at that time.

 

When he returns to school, he is exhausted. His sleep patterns are all messed up because sleeping is becoming a bit of a chore as his belly grows little by little and makes him uncomfortable at night. When he returns to school, mostly everyone has finalized their college plans. At lunch, Tony asks everyone to share. Most of the group shares their plans, which haven’t really changed since Valentine’s Day. Loki tells them what he’d told Thor, and then it is Thor’s turn. “I’m going to stay home and take courses at a community school while I figure out what I want to do as a job.”

 

“What?” Loki asks, dumbfounded. He figured that Thor was just saying that and would decide that he’d rather go to one of the schools he’d applied to, somewhere across the country.

 

“I already told you that,” Thor says.

 

And it is true, Loki thinks as he stares with widened eyes, but still, “Well, I didn’t think you were serious.”

 

“Well, I was. About everything,” Thor assures him with a meaningful stare that has Loki looking away in discomfort.

 

“Well that’s one way to do it,” Tony says with a shrug, trying to cut the tension in the room.

 

That night, Loki sighs as he packs his hospital bags. He has two: one for his things and one for his baby’s things. The baby’s things are packed in a mint green diaper bag that he’s recently purchased. He has several diapers (though he knows the hospital will provide some), several gender neutral outfits and one pink outfit, a couple of receiving blankets, and some pacifiers and bottles. In his own bag, he packs some old t-shirts, some hygiene products, some comfortable but nice clothes, a bunch of papers, a notebook, and some other small odds and ends.

 

His doctor wants him to pack a bag early, just in case he goes into early labor. He is at a higher risk of early labor and delivery, since he is a teen and has a tilted uterus, making him a more complex case. He gets his two bags into the trunk of his car when he can escape the house when no one can catch him.

 

Later on in the week, he has his first Braxton Hicks Contractions. They come when he is babysitting Becca, and he freezes, dropping the knife his is holding onto the cutting board as he cuts the vegetables for dinner. His hands grip hard and strong onto the edge of the counter as he tries to breathe through the unexpected and unfamiliar pain. Becca is behind him now, asking if he is okay. But he can’t even get himself to nod and take away her fear. He stands there until the contraction ends. As soon as it does, Loki turns around and reaches his arms out to her, reassuring, “I’m fine, Becca, I’m sorry. I’m fine now.” The girl buries her face in his stomach and wraps her arms around his middle. He runs his fingers through her hair as he hugs her, trying to calm her down. “I have to finish cutting this, so we can eat soon.”

 

Loki’s life is seemingly going by in a blur. Everything moves so fast, and he just seems to go from one thing to another.

 

Tony has been watching Loki a lot more closely these days, Loki notes in school the next Monday. He watches him like he is a ticking time bomb, which is the way Loki feels these days. Even though he doesn’t look extra pregnant, he _feels_ extra pregnant. He’s gained enough of a belly now that people do look at him oddly. He knows this. But he’s also been eating a lot more than he ever did before, so he thinks it is passing off as a normal weight gain as a result of eating like his brother.

 

“What are you thinking so hard about?” Tony asks.

 

“I’m thinking about what I could have possibly done to make you look at me like I’m Hannibal Lector in his cell in _Silence of the Lambs,_ ” Loki answers without missing a beat.

 

“I wouldn’t say _that_ is the look I am giving you,” Tony replies.

 

“Mh-hm. What would you say is happening here then?” Loki questions with a raised eyebrow.

 

“I’m just trying to read you, that’s all.”

 

“Right. Well, why are you “trying to read” me?”

 

“Because you aren’t easy to read.”

 

“Oh, then by all means, continue,” Loki says with an eye roll.

 

The constant watching that Tony has been doing continues on throughout the week. Loki tries his hardest to not do anything in front of Tony that could make him figure out his secrets. He doesn’t let his gaze linger on Thor, and he keeps all conversation with or about Thor to a minimum. He wears clothes that cover his bump as much as possible, and he learns new ways to bend down where he doesn’t feel the need to grip his stomach as he stands back up. He learns new ways to hide all of his pregnancy symptoms from Tony specifically, because of course he’s been doing a good job thus far in tricking everyone else.

 

At his next appointment, Loki signs up for an infant CPR and First Aid course that the clinic is offering in two weeks. Doctor Vanessa tells him that everything is going great and that they are right on track for everything. She’s glad to hear that he has packed his bags and is finalizing things with his new apartment. He is set to move in two days after graduation, and will be setting up the nursery asap.

 

Everything is starting to finally come together and he is glad that he only has a few weeks of high school left, and only a few weeks after that until he will have his baby. With every passing day, Loki finds it harder and harder to move around. His center of gravity is off and he finds himself having to move slowly so he doesn’t loose his footing. He longs for the days when he will be able to put this in the past and move on. He supposes it will be all worth it, when he gets to hold his baby in his arms for the first time and kiss its tiny little head.

 

As the days continue to pass and he gets closer and closer to finishing high school, Loki finds time each day to dedicate to the baby. When he is alone in the house, he talks to the baby; usually reading or talking aimlessly about the day. When others can hear him, he feels the baby kick and he scrapbooks or lists the things he still has to get before the baby is born.

 

Before long, it is finals week. Loki studies as much as possible beforehand. Between finals, the course he is taking at the clinic, and the pregnancy, Loki feels fatigue set in. The week goes by slowly, possibly slower than any other week in Loki’s life. Finally, he is getting ready to take his last final and is walking from his locker to his next test, when Tony walks up to him.

 

“Hey, Loki, do you got a minute to talk before you go to your last last final of your high school career?” Tony asks with a smirk.

 

Loki rolls and then narrows his eyes at Tony, “Why?”

 

“Because,” Tony sing-songs.

 

“Because is not an answer, Stark.”

 

“Because I think I’ve finally figured out who the mystery man is,” Tony says loud enough for others to hear. Loki’s heart drops to his stomach. His baby instantly starts to move around, sensing his stress. “And I think I know why you’ve been so secretive about it,” Tony says much quieter. The look in his eyes says enough for Loki. _He knows._

 

Loki suddenly can’t think. His heart is pounding like a jackhammer in his chest, and his palms are sweating. He tries to speak, but finds that he cannot over the lump in his throat. He opens and closes his mouth a few times before finally managing to say, “I think I’m gonna be sick.” He makes a quick retreat to the nearest garbage can, where he precedes to do just that.

 

Lucky for him, Tony drops the subject after that, because they will now be late for their tests if they do not go directly to their classes.

 

Loki avoids Tony after his test and begs Thor to take him home right after school. Thor reluctantly agrees. Loki spends the weekend locked in his bedroom, coming out for meals and bathroom breaks. The next week passes quickly, with Loki driving separately from Thor to go to graduation practice in the middle of the week and escaping before Tony can speak to him. All too soon, it’s time to get ready to go to their graduation.

 

Their school has one of the earliest graduation dates in the area. By the second week of May, hardly any schools were holding graduations. But here they were.

 

Loki stands in front of the bathroom mirror. His belly is round but still kind of small considering that he is eight months pregnant. People could hardly see it if they weren’t looking. People would easily pass it off as a normal weight gain. But he still feels himself biting his lip as he puts on his cap and gown, over his suit and tie. He finally makes his way down the stairs and Thor is standing with their parents in the living room, talking quietly with them. When Thor sees him, he turns to him and smiles a huge smile. “You look good, brother.”

 

Loki blushes slightly, “Thank you. You, too, look nice.”

 

“Shall we go, then?” Frigga asks, and they do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so sorry for the delay. I won't even make promises for when I will update next, but I will promise that all of my ideas are written down, I just need to find time to edit these last few chapters. I will post as soon as I can. Thank you to those who stuck around! 
> 
> Please comment if you have any feedback for me! :)


	9. I Need a Miracle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and friends graduation high school, attend parties, and Loki moves out. Loki finds himself talking to Thor about what happened that night, all those months ago....

Chapter Nine: I Need A Miracle

 

_Black bird fly, black bird fly, into the light of the dark black night._

 

Their high school graduation is a beautiful outdoor ceremony. It’s all set up by the time they get there, and a lot of people are milling about. Tony, Steve, Bucky, and Bruce are all standing around and talking. Becca stands in front of Bucky, his hands on her shoulders, and grins brightly when she sees Loki. She runs over to him and throws her arms around him in a huge hug. “Loki! You’re graduating!”

 

“Am I?” Loki asks with a smile as he looks down at her.

 

Becca giggles, “Yes, silly. So is my brother, and your brother, and all of your friends!”

 

“Well it’s a good thing I’m here then, huh?” Loki replies.

 

“A very good thing,” she says seriously.

 

Before long, Becca is getting called away by her parents to take a seat, and all of Loki’s friends are talking with him. Parents stop by to take pictures, of their kids and of the whole group. And Loki finds that he doesn’t mind. Tony’s parents are the only parents who do not take any pictures of anyone. It’s not a surprise to anyone, but Loki notices that Tony is upset about it. Steve does a good job at keeping him distracted from it, but Loki can see that his demeanor is not the same. Steve wraps his arm around Tony’s shoulders and hugs him to his side as Clint cracks a joke, and Tony smiles as everyone laughs. Loki wants to console him himself but finds that he is stuck in place. He’s not sure if it is even his place to comfort him anymore, having been avoiding him for so long.

 

Then, they are lining up in alphabetical order to start the ceremony. Loki stands in front of Thor and tries to focus on the person in front of him, but it is hard with his brother trying to talk his ear off behind him. The people who are supposed to be making sure that everyone is in the right place glare at Thor, who is supposed to be quiet like everyone else. Thor continues to talk quietly into Loki’s ear. “Do you remember that time our sophomore year when we had that sub in geography class? And she did not even know where the Mississippi River ran from? And you stood up in front of that classroom and taught the whole lesson, on the spot?” Loki rolls his eyes at the memory. “Oh! Do you remember the first time you met Clint and he tried to grab your ass so you punched him in the eye and gave him a black nose? Ooh, or when you met Natasha for the first time and decided the moment that she spoke in Russian that you were going to learn? You learned Russian so fast that you two could have full conversations before the end of the semester!”

 

Finally, they are moving. Being in the middle of the alphabet works in their favor and Loki elbows Thor in the side when he continues to talk as they start to walk. “Or do you remember the first time that Tony called you Reindeer Games after I forgot to drive you home the first time after I got my licence and your nose was so red that you looked like Rudolf?” Thor gets even quieter, softer, sadder, “I am still so sorry about that. It was a dick move and I shouldn’t have been so irresponsible. I was just a jerk. I still can be sometimes, but Loki-” One glare from the adults standing before the rows of families and friends are has Thor finally shutting up. They make their way to their seats relatively quickly, and Loki spends most of the time during the ceremony daydreaming.

 

He thinks of how long it took to get to this moment in his life. The years he’d spent in elementary school, dreaming of being at his brother’s side for every big milestone in their life. When he’d found out he could skip a grade and fulfill that dream, he had been so elated. The crushing feeling of disappointment and humiliation he’d felt when he’d been forced apart from his brother in middle school. The years he’d spent waiting on the sidelines, watching his brother make new friends and have new adventures, all without him. The times he’d joined plays, acting in roles that weren’t worth his family’s time. The times he’d been in those plays, expecting no one to show and seeing Thor in the audience with some girl he’d been seeing at the time. The mixed feelings he’d experienced when he saw his brother with some girl Loki would likely never see again afterwards; so happy he’d come yet how disappointed because he knew his brother would never see him the way he wanted to be seen. Then this year, such a big and eventful year.

 

This year, he’d gone from being a lonely drama nerd to being a part of a big group of friends. He’d gone from pining for his brother from afar to actually having sex with him, just to be let down again. He’d gone from having every opportunity of any future to having his path set for him by a one-night mistake. But it is the best mistake he’s ever made. He wouldn’t change a thing, if he’d be able to go back. Because it all led him to this life, to this moment.

 

His row stands up and starts to walk towards the aisle to graduate. Thor has to nudge his arm to get him up and moving. Loki follows the person in front of him, stomach in his throat and heart beating fast and hard in his chest. Suddenly, this is all too much. Suddenly, he’s ending a chapter of his life. Soon, he’ll have to face reality and deal with the consequences of his actions without a way to repress it. Soon, he’ll have a baby in his arms that could come with a multitude of things that will exist _solely_ because he is messed up. Because he’d just _had_ to be screwed up and _had_ to want his _brother_ , of all the people he could possibly want.

 

“Loki Odinson,” he hears over the rush of his own heartbeat in his ears. His legs move by their own command as he does what is expected of him. He walks up onto the stage, shakes hands, receives his diploma, pauses for pictures, and attempts to exit the stage as the next person moves in to do the same. Thor is quick behind him, however, and grabs onto his arm before he can properly exit the stage and forces Loki to his side to take pictures together. Loki breathes a sigh of relief when Thor lets go of him and he quickly disappears down the steps so Thor can get a few of his own pictures.

 

The rest of the ceremony passes in a blur as the graduates all are congratulated and they throw their caps into the air with cheers all around. Loki doesn’t do anything though, just stands between the stranger and his brother and stares off into nothing as he thinks of his future. Students exit the rows of seats and Thor all but drags him by the arm as they make their way through the crowds. Loki tries not to cringe when he realizes that Thor has led them to their parents. “I’m so proud of you both,” Frigga gushes, hugging and kissing them both. “You’ve grown into fine young men. Haven't they, Odin?”

 

Odin gives them the usual indecipherable look he wears on his face as he appeases his wife, “Yes, we’ve raised two fine young men.”

 

“So we know you have parties to go to tonight, we won’t pretend that you don’t, but we thought that we could go out for dinner as a family first,” Frigga suggests.

 

“Sure, mother, why don’t we go find our friends to let them know and meet you at the car?” Thor proposes.

 

“Alright, take your time. We’ve got all night!” Frigga says and hugs and kisses them both again before leading Odin away.

 

“You are coming to the parties tonight, yes?” Thor asks as he leads the way, this time without needing to pull Loki along.

 

“I suppose a few parties will not harm me. But do not expect me to drink,” Loki grumbles.

 

“Good. Then you can be our designated driver,” Thor says with a wink and a grin.

 

“I will not be driving a bunch of drunk teenagers around in my car,” Loki informs him as they approach some of their friends.

 

“We can use mine, then,” Thor answers easily and Loki rolls his eyes. 

 

“We are officially free of the confines of high school!” Clint cheers as they join the group.

 

“Oh come on, you loved high school,” Tony says with an eye roll and a shake of his head.

 

“I did. But college will be great, too!” Clint says with a grin.

 

“He’s too peppy,” Loki mutters. “We’ve had to stand outside in hot polyester gowns for hours. How can anyone have that much pep after that?”

 

Natasha smirks, “Adrenaline.”

 

“More like Adderall,” Bruce murmurs.

 

“Har har,” Clint grumbles, sticking his tongue out at Bruce.

 

“I call it how I see it,” Bruce replies with a shrug.

 

“Loki and I are going to dinner with our parents before the parties. Who are we picking up on the way to the party crawl?” Thor asks.

 

Tony replies, “Brucie Bear is driving my car with me and my hot boyfriends. So I’d assume that means you have the two of you, the assassin twins and Phil.” Those in question answer the affirmative and Thor nods.

 

“Okay. We’ll see you later then!” Thor says as he pulls Loki away yet again.

 

Before long, they are sitting next to each other in a booth at some fancy restaurant that Loki is uncomfortable in. He pulls at the tie that his mother had forced him to keep on and tries not to frown and scowl the whole time. Thor keeps looking at him and grinning knowingly at his discomfort as he converses with their parents. “…Loki’s been very secretive about his future plans,” Thor finishes, capturing Loki’s attention.

 

“What?” Loki asks.

 

“I just said, I have told our parents of my plans for the next year, but you have been very secretive about your own,” Thor clarifies with a shrug.

 

“Do you have plans, son?” Odin asks, and Loki pulls at his tie once again, suddenly nervous on top of his discomfort.

 

“I do.”

 

“And they are?” Odin prompts with a raised brow and a stern look that tells Loki that he won’t be getting out of this conversation any time soon.

 

“I’m going to get a job, take a few years off from school.”

 

“Why would you take time off to work?” Frigga questions him. “We will be happy to pay for your schooling, Loki. You know that.”

 

“Sure, I know that. But I just want to be more independent while I decide what I’ll do in the future.”

 

“You can be independent and decide what to do with your future while you are at school. A lot of college students go in without their major picked out,” she tells him.

 

Loki shifts uncomfortably in his seat. All three sets of eyes are on him. “I know that, Mother. I just want to work and live in my own apartment and forget about school for a while.”

 

“An apartment?” Odin asks.

 

“Yes, an apartment. I’ve saved up enough money to afford my own apartment.”

 

“Why move into an apartment when you have a perfectly good home to live in?” Odin presses.

 

Loki balls his hands into fists and rests them against his thighs, “Because that’s what I want, Father.”

 

“When do you think you’ll find an apartment, then?” Frigga inquires.

 

“I already found one. I’m moving in the day after tomorrow,” Loki finally announces, pressing his eyes closed and clenching his jaw shut.

 

“What?!” everyone nearly explodes, and Loki tries to focus on breathing and pretending that everything is fine. He feels the baby move around and kick him in response to his stress. Their food arrives at that moment, saving Loki from needing to explain himself. Everyone eats silently, and Loki just tries to make it through the dinner without loosing it.

 

Nobody talks to him for the rest of dinner, or during the car ride home. Loki escapes to his room to change when they arrive, and puts more of his clothes into a bag to bring to his apartment. He’d been slowly packing over the past week, putting clothes and other things in bags and boxes and sneaking some out to his storage unit. He’d purchased everything he’d needed for his baby, and for himself in his apartment. Luckily, the apartment came furnished with living room furniture, kitchen appliances, a kitchen table and chair, and a bed frame and dresser. He’d purchased a mattress and had found a place that would deliver it and get it on the bed frame the day he moved in. He’d also purchased bedding, dishes, and extra blankets for the couch and end of the bed. He is set to move, all he needs to do is set up everything once he moves in, and move everything from the storage unit to the apartment. Then he can get rid of the storage unit and focus on his new life.

 

Thor knocks on his door when he is in the middle of packing a bag full of clothes, and Loki tells him to come in. Thor stands in the doorway, looking at the empty closet and wearing an indecipherable expression on his face. “Are you almost ready to go?” he asks quietly. Loki nods and zips up his bag. “I’ll meet you downstairs, then.”

 

Clint and Phil and Natasha had all went back to Phil’s place for dinner, so that’s where Loki drives to pick all three of them up. The drive to pick them up is silent, up until the last couple of minutes. “Why didn’t you tell us, brother?” Thor asks suddenly. Loki presses his lips together and stares at the road. “Why didn’t you tell _me_?”

 

“I didn’t think you’d care,” Loki admits.

 

“Of course I’d care,” Thor says, and when Loki glances over at him, Thor is staring out the window and has a small frown on his face. “I’d have helped you find an apartment, and I’d have come with to pick out everything you needed. Maybe we could have done this together.”

 

“I already told you that that would not work out, Thor. Why do you care so much about what I do and where I live?”

 

“We’ve never lived apart before.”

 

“You lived a whole year before I was even born.”

 

“I was a baby, Loki.”

 

“You lived without me then; you can live without me now. You will not spontaneously combust. You will not die of boredom.”

 

“What makes you think I can live without you?” Thor asks, turning towards him.

 

“We are brothers, Thor, nothing more and nothing less. You’ll live without me because we are not attached at the hip. We are not fussed together. We are not one in the same. We are two separate individuals who are both adults now, and we can do anything we want. Now, enough of this, okay?” Loki snaps as they pull into Phil’s driveway and the others all approach the vehicle.

 

“Whatever you wish, brother,” Thor says quietly.

 

The first party they go to is relatively tame. The students are all really just getting started and nobody is really drunk. Loki talks with friends and friends of friends, asking polite things like what they are doing over the summer and what they’ll be doing now that they are out of high school. People politely ask him the same, and try their hardest to be positive about his plans.

 

They move onto the next party, and it is considerably more wild than the first. Students are drunk and loud and hardly making any good conversation. Loki talks mostly to Bruce, who is also not drinking tonight. They stand in one spot for the entire party and try to have a good time, despite their friends leaving them in the corner to go party elsewhere. Eventually, Tony comes and tells them that they will be moving on to another party. He then stumbles towards the front door, leaving Bruce and Loki to collect their drunk friends. Loki finds Bucky and Steve and sends them towards the door. Loki sees Bruce talking to Phil and Clint and later sees Natasha leaving the house; so Loki looks for Thor, who he finds sulking by a keg. “We’re going to go to another party now, Thor.”

 

“But this party is so nice. Look at all of the beer here,” Thor says, sweeping his hand towards the keg he is standing by.

 

“It’s nice beer,” Loki deadpans, watching his brother’s odd behavior.

 

“The nicest,” Thor agrees. “No other party will have so much nice beer.”

 

“I’m pretty sure they all will, brother.”

 

“How can you be so sure?” Thor whines as Loki tries to pull him away.

 

“I’ve been to plenty of these types of parties with you, Thor. I am pretty sure that they all have had the same amount, and same bad quality, of beer.”

 

“If you’re sure,” Thor allows him to lead him away.

 

“I’m sure,” Loki says with a sigh.

 

It’s not until they have arrived at Tony’s for the night that Loki can finally relax a little. The parties were tiring for him. He hadn’t had to stay up and out like this in a long time. Everyone spills out of the two vehicles without much fuss, except for Thor, who is more drunk than Loki has ever seen him before. Loki gets out and rounds the vehicle to stand near Thor’s door, waving Bruce off as he tries to offer help. “I can handle the giant oaf, you get everyone else in bed.”

 

“I’ll be awake for a while longer if you need me,” Bruce tells him as he goes to help everyone into the spare rooms.

 

Loki sighs and opens the door, reaching across his drunk and bumbling brother to undo his seat belt. “Did you drink an entire keg by yourself?” Loki asks, waving away the horrible smell of the beer on Thor’s breath.

 

Thor hiccups, “N-no. I-I saved some f-for the others,” he slurs.

 

“I’m sure,” Loki agrees, grabbing his arm and helping him out of the seat. He shuts the door and then allows Thor to lean a bunch of his weight on him as he helps him towards the house. Luckily, Tony’s parents had had to go fly out to Malibu right after the graduation ceremony, leaving the home empty. Thor loudly protests and hiccups and slurs the whole way up to the bedrooms. Loki leads Thor to the same room that Thor had brought him up to all those months ago. He flicks on the lights and gets Thor on the bed. “Ugh, you weigh a ton, brother.”

 

“D-do not,” Thor protests with a frown and furrowed brows. Loki starts to leave the room to go get a bottle of water and some aspirin but Thor whines. “W-where are y-you goin’?”

 

“To get you something to drink and some medicine to take in the morning, when you wake up regretting your drinking habits.” Loki stops in the doorway, looking back at Thor. “I’ll be right back.” Loki fetches two waters and some aspirin and makes his way back to the room, shutting the door behind himself and handing Thor a water before putting the other on the side table with the pills. He then helps Thor take off his shoes and he places the garbage can next to the bed, just in case. “Anything else?” Thor shakes his head in response. Loki starts to walk away form the bed when Thor grabs his wrist. Loki turns back to him.

 

“I remember that time, when I did this for you,” Thor speaks up. Loki swallows around the lump in his throat. “Do you remember?”

 

“I remember,” Loki says quietly. “I remember that night.”

 

“I thought you’d forgotten,” Thor admits softly. “Forgotten what happened that night, I mean.”

 

“I did not,” Loki informs him sadly.

 

“Then why…?” Thor starts to ask. He trails off, seemingly unsure what else to say.

 

“Thor, you should get some sleep,” Loki tells him softly. “This isn’t the best time to be talking about this,” he says, turning back around and walking towards the door. This time Thor lets him go, and he turns off the lights and shuts the door as he goes to find an empty room.

 

When he wakes up in the morning, his baby having woken him with all of the kicking and moving around, he finds Tony in the kitchen. “Wow. I’m feeling a great sense of deja vu. Do you feel it too?” Tony asks with a smirk. “How’s the head?”

 

“Perfectly fine, thanks. How’s yours?” Loki throws back at him.

 

“I’ve had worse hangovers,” Tony shrugs. “Did the mystery man make a reappearance?”

 

“No, he did not,” Loki says with a scowl.

 

“Not even to kiss you goodnight?”

 

“Who’s kissing who goodnight?” Bruce asks as he enters the kitchen.

 

“Nobody,” Loki says as Tony says, “Loki’s kissing his mystery man goodnight.”

 

“I think I’ll believe Loki this time,” Bruce replies as he walks to the fridge.

 

“Wow. And here I assumed that _we_ were _friends_ , Bruce.”

 

“You know what they say about those who assume,” Bruce teases, and Tony sticks his tongue out at him.

 

“Anyways, Loki, are you ever gonna tell me who the mystery man is?” Tony whines.

 

Loki glances over at Bruce, who looks unfazed and unimpressed, “No.”

 

The others join them one by one, all the rest of them very hungover and in varying degrees of discomfort. Before long, everyone leaves. Thor suddenly won’t look Loki in the eye, and Loki wonders if he remembers the night before, and their discussion about the night they spent together. His brother mopes around the house, not meeting Loki’s eye, and being completely distant.

 

Loki finds himself moving out before he knows it.

 

He wakes up the morning of his move to collect his keys from his landlord and he’s soon moving everything into his apartment. By the end of the first day, he has everything in the apartment, boxes mostly still packed but in the appropriate room, including all of the things for the nursery. He manages to make his new bed in order to climb into it for the night.

 

The next day, he spends most of the day unpacking and setting up the various rooms in the apartment. He’s gotten the bedroom and nursery mostly set up before long. A while into his unpacking, there is a knock on his front door. He walks over to the door and opens it to reveal Thor standing at his door. “How the hell did you find me?”

 

“I kept buzzing people’s apartments until they let me in. Didn’t know which one was yours, you don’t have your name on there yet.”

 

“How did you figure out where I was?” Loki rephrases.

 

“I knocked on everyone’s doors until I found someone who knew which apartment was yours.”

 

“Thor,” Loki says angrily, not appreciating the act his brother is trying to pull.

 

“What?” Thor asks with a frown and furrowed eyebrows.

 

“How did you figure out that I lived in this building? I didn’t tell anyone where I was moving to.”

 

“Ah,” Thor says, rubbing his neck. “I may have been to a few other apartment buildings around the area before getting here,” Thor admits with a sheepish smile. After a minute of Loki taking that in, Thor speaks up again. “Aren’t you going to let me in?”

 

Loki thinks of all of the baby things in his apartment, just waiting to ruin all of his carefully planned secret keeping. “I don’t care for visitors.”

 

“Well, we need to talk.”

 

Loki clenches his jaw, “I don’t want to talk.”

 

“I don’t care if you want to talk or not. We need to talk. So you can let me in or I can drag you out somewhere,” Thor tells him.

 

Loki glares but sighs and steps aside, “Sit on the couch and do not move.”

 

“Thank you,” Thor replies and does as he is told. “It’s a nice place you have here.”

 

Loki frowns, “Do not bother with pleasantries, brother. Say what it is you are here to say.”

 

Thor sighs, “Why must you be this way? Why does everything have to be a fight with you?”

 

Loki scoffs, “You’re the one who _insisted_ that we talk. I was perfectly content spending the day unpacking and relaxing in my new apartment.” Loki shifts in his seat next to his brother, wincing as another Braxton Hicks Contraction hits him.

 

“Yes, but you always have to make these things a fight!”

 

“Just talk already!” Loki shouts.

 

“We need to talk about what happened that night,” Thor says seriously.

 

“What night?” Loki asks.

 

“Don’t play that game, brother.”

 

“What game?”

 

“You know what game, Loki!” Thor shouts but then takes a deep breath and says, “The night of the party in September.”

 

“What about it?”

 

“We need to talk about what happened after your little fight with Jane Foster.”

 

“I thought we’d already decided not to speak about that night,” Loki replies.

 

“Maybe you decided that but we never spoke about not speaking.”

 

Loki snorts, “Because that makes sense.”

 

Thor looks like he is getting increasingly frustrated, and Loki smirks a little about it. “The point is, I wanted to talk about it. I _needed_ to talk about it.”

 

“So talk now,” Loki suggests.

 

“I do not know what you were feeling in that moment, Loki.”

 

“In what moment?” Loki asks, actually a little confused.

 

“In the moment that we… we…”

 

“Ah, you mean in the moment when we fucked.”

 

Thor turns red, “Well-”

 

“That’s what we did, Thor,” Loki explains slowly, as if speaking to a child. “We fucked. Had sex. Did the horizontal tango-”

 

“Enough!” Thor yells. “Do not make this all one big joke, brother.”

 

Loki laughs a humorless, angry laugh. “Do not make it a joke? That’s what this all is, Thor! One big joke! I mean, how could one interpret sex between two brothers as anything but amusing and a big old joke?”

 

“Loki…”

 

“I mean, how wrong is what we did, hmm? It’s _so_ wrong, and _so_ messed up. We were so messed up to do that. _I_ am so messed up,” Loki mumbles.

 

“Loki.”

 

“We are brothers. We share parents and a home. We were raised together. We are of the same blood. How could we-”

 

“We are not of the same blood,” Thor states simply, and Loki hardly listens. But he pauses in all of his ramblings, eyes going wide.

 

“What?” Loki breathes.

 

“We are not brothers by blood, Loki.”

 

“What? How? Who told you that?” Loki asks in disbelief, shaking his head as if to try to clear his thoughts.

 

“Our parents told me. I asked them, over the summer last year. They told me everything.”

 

“Everything? What is everything?” Loki asks, confused and hurt and angry.

 

“You were adopted when you were born. I didn’t know any better because I was a baby myself. They decided that the best thing to do was to not tell either of us. But I asked them if we were really brothers and they told me the truth.”

 

Loki jumps to his feet suddenly, now shouting furiously, “And you hid that from me?! Nine months I’ve been thinking myself a monster and you knew the whole time that we weren't really brothers?! You knew, when we had sex, that we weren’t really brothers? And you never thought to tell me?!”

 

“Mother and Father asked me not to tell you!” Thor defends himself.

 

“And you, the golden boy, do everything that our parents say?!” Loki shouts. “No- no, wait. _Your_ parents, not _our_ parents.”

 

Thor shakes his head and stands up. “They are _our parents_ Loki! They raised us together, they raised us both the same and they raised us to be brothers!”

 

“And this is how we repay them?!” Loki asks, throwing his hands up into the air and then running them over his face. “By sleeping together? Being drunk only excuses so much. It doesn’t excuse _having sex_ , knowingly, with your _brother._ ”

 

“I know, but Loki, you don’t understand-”

 

“I think I understand _plenty_!” Loki snaps, hand dropping down to his belly as another contraction runs through him. He freezes, feeling the contraction for what it is. It does not feel like a Braxton Hicks Contraction. It feels _real_.

 

“I don’t think you do-”

 

“I know enough,” Loki hisses. “We were both drunk. You knew more than I knew about our relationship as siblings, and we both made the choice to have sex. You wanted sex in the moment, and I wanted…. Well, it doesn’t matter what I wanted. I have to go,” Loki says, walking towards the door, grabbing his keys off of the table by the door. Thor follows him.

 

“Loki, what did you want?” Thor asks, “And where are you going?”

 

“I have to go. You have to leave. I don’t care where you go but you can’t stay here and you can’t come with me,” Loki says, a bit desperate. 

 

“We are not done-”

 

“I’m done. I’m done talking about this like it is something that just happened, something that did not affect me. It _did_ affect me. More than you know. But I cannot continue to talk about this with you right now, Thor. I have to leave. Please respect that and leave.”

 

Thor frowns but steps out of the apartment with him. Loki locks the door and walks towards the stairs of the building, making his way towards his car. “Brother-” Thor says once more as Loki unlocks his car and starts to get in.

 

“Goodbye, Thor,” Loki says and shuts the door once he is in the car. Thor stands to the side, out of Loki’s way, as Loki backs out of the parking spot and drives away. Loki sees him staring at him in the rearview mirror until Loki has driven out of sight.

 

He’s been ignoring his body all day, and honestly most of the evening and night before. The contractions had started to feel weird sometime after dinner, but Loki just assumed it was normal for them to change in consistency and intensity as his due date grew nearer. But Loki did not realize that it was not at all normal. He did not notice that they had become so consistent that they were just about five minutes apart and lasting longer and longer. Now he is regretting ignoring his body. He’s been having Braxton Hicks for so long that he figured he knew what they were and thought that these were the same. Now he feels stupid.

 

As he drives to the hospital now, he starts to have a contraction. The pain is so intense now, as if his body is realizing that he is finally paying attention to the contractions and thinks it can now safely have the contractions without causing problems. The pain is so intense that he has to pull over onto the side of the road. He’s struggling to cope with the pain and his frazzled state of being as he sits on the side of the road. Finally, he realizes that he will never be able to get to the hospital he is supposed to be delivering in by driving himself. After a moment of gathering his thoughts and making a tough decision, he grabs his cell phone and calls a familiar number.

 

“ _Hello_?” the voice on the other end of the phone crackles to life.

 

Suddenly it all becomes so real, and so much, that Loki starts to cry. He sobs as he tries to talk into the phone. “T-Tony?” he asks through his tears.

 

“Loki?” Tony asks, sounding serious and concerned. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”

 

“I need you to come pick me up and drive me to the hospital.”

 

“What?! What’s going on, Loki?” Tony asks, and Loki can hear others in the background talking.

 

“I-I just need you to c-come. I’ll explain when you get here.”

 

“Okay, Lokes. Where are you?”

 

“I’m on the side of the road somewhere, in my car. I’ll find out the exact area and text it to you.”

 

“Okay, I’m on my way. Hold tight, I’ll be right there.”

 

About ten to fifteen minutes later, Tony’s car is pulling up behind him. He struggles to get himself out of the driver’s seat as Tony, Steve, and Bucky walk up to the car. Tony rushes forward to steady Loki as he stumbles on weak legs. “Loki, are you okay?”

 

“I’m sorry,” he whimpers.

 

“Hey, don’t apologize,” Tony says, hugging him gently and running his fingers through his long hair. “Just tell me what is going on so we can help you.”

 

“I-I’m pregnant,” he admits. Tony immediately moves back and stares at him with wide eyes, while Steve drops his mouth open in shock and Bucky makes a surprised sound. “And I’m in labor, and I couldn’t drive to the hospital.”

 

“O-okay,” Tony replies. He walks Loki around to the other side of the car, moving on quickly from his surprise. “Are you good though? Are we going to be… delivering a… a baby on the side of the road?”

 

“No, I’ll be fine. We just have to get to the hospital.”

 

“Alright. Guys, take my car and follow us to the hospital,” Tony says, tossing his keys to Bucky. He helps Loki get into the passenger seat. “We’ll meet you there.”

 

“Okay,” Steve and Bucky agree, walking back to Tony’s car. Tony shuts Loki into the car and walks around to the driver’s side, getting in and turning the car back on.

 

A few minutes into the drive, Loki has another contraction and hisses in pain. Tony immediately glances over, concern written plainly across his face. “Are you okay?”

 

“Just a contraction,” Loki confirms.

 

Tony seems like he isn’t sure what to do, before he holds one hand out. Loki gratefully takes it into his own hand and Tony gives it a light squeeze. When the contraction passes, Loki squeezes Tony’s hand back. A while later, Tony speaks up. “You could have told me.”

 

Loki closes his eyes and sighs, “I know.”

 

“I could have helped.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I would have supported you. And I would have kept it a secret, if that’s what you wanted.”

 

“I know, Tony. It’s just… I made the decision when I decided to keep the baby that it was going to be a secret from everyone who knew me. That included you.”

 

“I get that. But I just want you to know that it would have been okay. And it’s going to be okay, now.”

 

“Thank you,” Loki says and settles in for the rest of the drive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. The snow day we have today (yes, a snow day in April) made this chapter upload possible! At least one good thing came from the snow. 
> 
> There is only one chapter left and then a the note Loki wrote for the baby, and an epilogue. I hope they all get up here soon!
> 
> Please comment anything you have to say about the chapter or story as a whole. :)


	10. Endless Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki has the baby, things are decided, and secrets are revealed.

Chapter Ten: Endless Love

 

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life._

 

Once they arrive at the hospital, things move pretty quickly. Loki is checked in and taken to a room in labor and delivery, and Tony goes in with him right away. Tony helps Loki get into a hospital gown and into the bed to get situated for the rest of his labor. The nurse who hooks him up to the different monitors assures him that his doctor is on her way and will be there soon. Soon, it is just Loki and Tony sitting in the room. The first thing Tony says to Loki in any conversational way since the beginning of the car ride is, “It’s Thor’s, right?” Loki sighs and turns to look at Tony. To his credit, he is just looking calmly back at Loki. He doesn’t look disgusted or disturbed by the idea. Loki wonders for a fleeting moment if Tony is joking, but Tony just gives him a half of a smile and says, “I’ve suspected he was your mystery man for a while now.”

 

Loki sits silently for a few minutes, and Tony lets him. “Why doesn’t that disgust you? Why are you not freaking out?” Loki asks.

 

“I’ve had a lot of time to think about it,” Tony replies with a shrug.

 

“And Thor told you the truth?” Loki guesses.

 

Tony nods, “And Thor told me the truth. But I suspected it before he told me that you two weren’t blood relatives. Though I did not suspect that _this_ was one of the things holding you back from, well, everything.” Tony shakes his head and laughs in a way that makes Loki feel like he’s _disappointed_ Tony. “So props to you for this deception.”

 

As if feeling the need to save him from this interaction, a contraction begins. Tony offers up his hand to hold, which Loki accepts once more. A few moments after it has passed, Loki turns to Tony again. “Why doesn’t it disgust you?”

 

Tony sits for a moment, attempting to thoughtfully compose the best way to respond. “It’s like this,” he says. “The heart wants what the heart wants. I know that’s cheesy to say. But I really believe that. I mean, hell, I’m dating two guys at the same time. The three of us are not in a typical relationship, by any means. But that’s what we all want, in our heart of hearts. And I could try to explain it in some scientific way, but I don’t think science has too much to do with it. Some people are just destined to be together, and I don’t think that the universe cares who you are, or if you were raised with the belief that you cannot be with that fated person, or people.”

 

“You’re saying we’re soulmates?” Loki asks, disbelieving.

 

Tony shrugs, “Hey, I’m not asking you to believe in it. I’m just telling you that that is what I believe, and that’s why I’m not upset with the idea of you being with Thor. And I think… it may be a harder idea for some people to grasp. Especially people who saw you as kids, when you could only ever be brothers. But I think it will just take some time, and some opening up of minds to believe in the two of you.”

 

“Well, there isn’t really a “two of you” and there never really was, except for that one night,” Loki points out.

 

“But you want it to be more. You want there to be a two of you,” Tony says, not asks. Loki is struck with the thought that Tony is a true friend, who understands him almost better than he understands himself.

 

Loki shrugs, “Doesn’t really matter what I want. If he doesn’t want it, I can’t do anything about that. It’s not normal to fall in love with your brother. I can’t blame him for being disgusted at me and my feelings, because they are not normal.

 

“What’s normal?” Tony counters, and then there is a light knock on the door.

 

Doctor Vanessa walks in and smiles at Loki, “So I hear it looks like you’re having a baby today, huh?” She then offers her hand out to Tony, “I’m Doctor Vanessa Roskos. And you are?”

 

Tony takes her hand to shake it, “Tony. Tony Stark, Loki’s friend.”

 

She raises an eyebrow at Loki in question, as she washes her hands and then slips gloves on. “Is this the father?” she asks gently.

 

“No,” Loki grumbles.

 

Tony’s phone chimes then, and he slips it out of his pocket and glances at the text message. “Steve and Bucky are here. I’m gonna go bring them up to the waiting room, okay? I’ll be back,” he promises, kissing the side of Loki’s head.

 

As he slips out the door, his doctor asks, “Are either of those two the father?”

 

“No. I do not believe we will be seeing the father today.”

 

To her credit, she just nods and moves on. “Are you ready for me to check you out, then? While your friends are out of the room?”

 

“Sure,” he agrees a bit hesitantly.

 

She smiles and laughs quietly, “I promise to be gentle.” She begins her examination, including checking how dilated he is. “Well, I’m glad that you decided to come when you did, Loki. Your contractions are coming close together and are lasting a while. And you are about seven centimeters dilated.”

 

“How long do you think it will be?” Loki asks hesitantly. He’s suddenly not sure if he wants things to go quickly or not.

 

“It’s hard to say. Every person is different, every labor is different. I delivered three babies for this one woman, all within about a five year span, and each of her labors was drastically different. We probably have a while, since your water hasn’t broken yet. Once your water breaks, we have about twenty-four hours to safely deliver the baby, one way or another.”

 

“You’re saying this could take a whole day?” Loki asks with wide eyes.

 

“I doubt it, but labor sometimes can last several days. I doubt it will take you long. You and that baby have been ahead of the game every time. I wouldn’t be surprised if you had your baby here in just a few short hours.”

 

It doesn’t do much to settle Loki, but he thanks her as she slides her gloves off into the trash and starts to leave the room. He closes his eyes and breathes slowly, hand resting on his belly. It looks larger than normal in the hospital gown, though he feels much smaller than he normally feels. He cracks one eye open when the hospital door opens once more, to reveal Tony standing in the doorway again. “Hey. You doing okay?”

 

“I’ve just had a woman’s hand shoved up my insides, but other than that I’m doing great.”

 

“Ew,” Tony says with a cringe. He walks over and sits down with a sigh. “Listen, man, I know you don’t wanna talk about all this, but I really have to talk to you about it.”

 

Loki sighs and shuts his eyes again. “Fine. Ask away.”

 

“Did you two talk about things? I mean, ever?”

 

“Today. He came to my apartment, we fought about it all, and I went into labor and had to leave.”

 

“Oh, Loki,” Tony says quietly.

 

“I love him. I love him so much. More than a brother, more than a friend, _so much more_.”

 

“I know, Loki. I know.” Tony’s phone chirps again and Loki hears him get it out of his pocket. After a minute, he says, “Listen, Lokes…. Steve and Bucky followed us here in my car, and they called him. They called Thor.” Loki’s eyes snap open and he moves so suddenly that he yelps in pain. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Relax. They didn’t tell him what was going on. They just said that you were coming here with us, and that they thought that he should be here. He doesn’t know about the baby. He doesn’t know, Loki. But he’s here. Downstairs, waiting for one of us to go pick him up and bring him up here, or tell him to leave. It’s up to you. What do you want?”

 

“I don’t know,” Loki cries, eyes prickling with tears and throat sticking with emotion. Tony sets his hand on his shoulder. “I don’t know what I want!” he sobs.

 

“I’m sorry, Loki. But you have to decide. I can’t let him wait out there all day. He’ll get impatient and come in and start demanding answers, and then where would we be?” Tony asks gently.

 

“I-I want him,” Loki whimpers. “I-I _want_ my _b-brother_. You can b-bring him up.”

 

“Okay. I’ll bring him up, and send him in here.”

 

“Thank you,” Loki whispers.

 

The reality of everything that he’s doing, everything that he’s _done_ , crashes into him suddenly. He’s finally being forced to deal with the consequences for his actions, in such a real and concrete way. There’s no more hiding beneath sweatshirts, he thinks, even as he desperately tries to cover his mound of a stomach with the blankets on the bed. There’s no more denying that he’d slept with his brother, that he’d made a _child_ with his brother, anymore. He swipes angrily at the tears that continue to burn paths down his cheeks, wanting to stomp out the last of his weaknesses. He cries his way through another contraction, sobbing with the physical and emotional pain he’s feeling.

 

Almost immediately after his contraction ends, there’s a quiet but insistent knocking on his door, and he mutters, “Come in,” as the door opens slowly. Thor is standing in the doorway, eyes wide in fear, plainly unaware of what is happening.

 

“Brother?” he asks, and Loki feels fresh tears make their way out of his eyes. Thor quickly stalks over to the bed, sitting in the seat Tony’d previously abandoned, and grabbing his hand. “Brother, what is wrong? What happened?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong,” Loki says, laughing a tear-filled laugh.

 

“Then why are you here? And crying?” he asks gently. He puts Loki’s hand between both of his own, bringing them close to his face.

 

“There is something that I did not tell you. Something that I’ve been hiding for a long time.”

 

Thor suddenly grips his hand harder between his own. “Are you dying?!” he cries.

 

Loki laughs, a real, genuine laugh, shaking his head. “No, you giant oaf. I’m not dying.”

 

Thor pouts as Loki continues to laugh at him, “Then what-?”

 

“I’m pregnant, Thor,” he admits quietly.

 

At first he fears that his brother did not hear him, and he clears his throat, attempting to try again.

 

“Pregnant?” Thor breathes.

 

“Pregnant. And in labor. That’s why I left the apartment so suddenly. Because I’m in labor.”

 

“Labor?” Thor asks.

 

Loki suddenly fears for his brother, not sure what is happening with him. He is like a broken record. “Thor-” he begins.

 

“W-Who?” he asks suddenly.

 

“Excuse me?” Loki croaks.

 

“Nine months ago is August, isn’t it?” Thor asks. “So who…?”

 

“I’m thirty-six weeks. That makes it September,” Loki says gently.

 

“Thirty-six weeks?” Thor breathes once more.

 

“Thirty six weeks,” Loki agrees, and pushes the blankets away from his body. Thor watches his movements, and stares at Loki’s stomach, and it is as if he is seeing for the first time. He stares, mouth open slightly as if in awe. He lets go of Loki’s hand suddenly, as Loki turns to face Thor head on. Loki slowly grabs one of Thor’s hands in his own two hands, and gently guides it to his stomach. Thor gasps quietly as he spreads his fingers across Loki’s belly.

 

“Pregnant?” Thor asks again, and Loki nods. Loki has to take a sharp breath as he suddenly feels another contraction building up. Thor must feel Loki’s belly tense up beneath his hand, because he looks up at Loki again and reaches out with his free hand to take Loki’s. “In labor?”

 

Loki nods quickly, “In labor,” he agrees. He gasps at the intense pain ripping through him. “Holy shit!” he cries as he struggles through the contraction. “Holy shit,” he whimpers again and lays back on the bed, feet still dangling over the edge of the bed, towards Thor.

 

“Loki? Can I help?” Thor asks after a few seconds.

 

“No, no. Nothing you can do now.”

 

“I could get a doctor…” he suggests.

 

“Knock knock,” Doctor Vanessa says. “Hello there,” she says to Thor. She turns to Loki, “Your friends told me that you had a special visitor.”

 

Loki smiles with a small laugh, “Yes, this is Thor. Thor, this is my doctor, Vanessa Roskos. She’ll be delivering the baby. _Our_ baby.”

 

Thor grins, “ _Our baby_. I like the sound of that.”

 

“Like it or not, it’s happening,” Doctor Vanessa jokes. “You gonna stay while I check him?” she asks, looking between the two of them.

 

Thor looks at him in question. Loki smiles and nods, “Yeah, he’s fine.”

 

“Let’s get into a better position for that, then,” she suggests, looking up from the charts. “Looks like you just had a pretty strong contraction, hmm?” she asks then, moving to help him up. Thor grabs one arm while the doctor grabs the other.

 

Loki stands up from the bed, “Yeah. It was really str-” he starts, when he feels wetness dripping down his leg. He looks down to see a puddle of clear liquid between his feet. “Oh my-”

 

“It looks like your water just broke, hun. No big deal. I’ll get you something to help you clean up and then I’ll check your progress before I get someone in here to clean you up.”

 

Soon, he’s on the bed, gripping onto Thor’s hand as he fights through a contraction while Doctor Vanessa puts gloves on to check him. “They are getting worse and worse,” Loki manages to say.

 

“I would expect so. The further along you get, the worse they will feel. When I’m done checking you, maybe your boy can help you get a little more comfortable by giving you a lower back massage.”

 

Thor and Loki exchange a glance. “I think I can handle that,” Thor agrees.

 

She begins to check him, trying to be as quick and gentle as possible. “Well, you’ve progressed to about eight centimeters. But with that water breaking, I think things will be really quick from here on out. We’re going to get someone in here to clean the floor, but I’d make any more calls that you need to make, and have people come in to visit you, if you want them to see you before the baby is born. One or two plus your boy will be best right now. And you have to make your final decision on drugs, Loki. It’s now or never. What are you thinking?”

 

“I still want to do it without the drugs,” Loki says decisively.

 

“Then just the cleaning crew, calls, and visits then,” she smiles. “You’re doing great, Loki.”

 

“Thank you,” he says as she leaves the room.

 

“Are we going to call Mother and Father?” Thor asks, and Loki immediately snaps his head to look at him.

 

“Why would we?”

 

“Because we’re having a baby? And they’re our parents.”

 

“And you don’t believe that they will come in here, making a scene about their sons having a baby together?”

 

“Well, I don’t know. We won’t know how they will react until we tell them.”

 

“I don’t want them here. At least not until the baby is born.”

 

“Alright,” Thor nods. “That’s your decision. How about our friends? Do you want to see them?”

 

“Maybe Tony. But the others can wait too.”

 

“Okay. Do you want me to go get him?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Soon, Tony is walking in with Thor, just as the person who cleaned the floor leaves the room. “Hey. Heard you pissed yourself.”

 

Loki laughs and shakes his head, “Funny.”

 

“So you’re really gonna get this show on the road then, huh?”

 

“I guess. When the baby wants out, she wants out.”

 

“She?” Thor and Tony both ask.

 

Loki shrugs, “I don’t know for sure, decided that I wanted it to be a surprise. But I really think it is a girl.”

 

“Mother’s intuition?” Tony asks, and Loki hits his arm. “So on a scale from “raid the baby store” to “pick up my things”, where are you in the baby supply department?”

 

“All I need is for someone to take the carseat out of the trunk and bring it in. I’ve got my bags already. Just need the seat. And someone will have to get the base into the car correctly. I left the directions in the trunk with it.”

 

“And you were really planning to do this on your own?” Tony asks.

 

“All I would have needed was a little extra time in the car, hooking the base up before coming to collect the baby to go home.”

 

“So you have stuff at home?” Thor asks.

 

“I have a room set up and everything.”

 

“Wow.”

 

“Hold on,” Loki says. He struggles through another contraction for a moment.

 

“Well, I’ll go back to report my findings to the others. I’ll have Nat or someone help me with the car seat thing. You know, maybe a woman will be better at that kind of thing.”

 

“What? Nat’s here?” Loki asks, sitting up a little more.

 

“Yeah,” Tony replies simply, “Everyone’s here. Nobody wants to miss this party,” he jokes with a smile.

 

“Seriously? Everyone’s… okay?”

 

Tony smiles at him and leans over to hug him and kiss his head. “This is the best party we’ve ever been invited to, babe. I promise you that.”

 

Only a hour later, Doctor Vanessa slides her gloves off and into the trash. “Let’s get him to delivery,” she tells a nurse. “You ready, Loki?”

 

“Do I have to be?” he jokes. His contractions have been a lot more painful and frequent over the past hour, and are now making Loki think he maybe should have agreed to the drugs.

 

“I’m afraid so, hun,” she says.

 

“Then let’s do this.”

 

The next thing he knows, he’s in the delivery room with a bunch of nurses, his doctor, and Thor. “Okay, Loki. This is it. When you feel your next contraction, I want you to push.”

 

He does just that, and cries out loud as pain tears through him. “You’re doing great, LoLo,” Thor croons.

 

“You did this to me!” he yells at Thor through his pain.

 

“I know. I’m sorry,” he says, laughing softly and kissing Loki’s sweaty hair.

 

“Tell my ass that!”

 

Thor laughs and kisses him again, “Okay, Lo, I’ll be sure to do that when your ass isn’t so busy.”

 

“Ah!” Loki cries as he stops pushing when prompted. “I can’t. I need to be done. The baby’s gonna have to find its own way out.”

 

“Loki, you have to do it. Your baby’s head is right here, hun. I can see it. I can feel it,” Doctor Vanessa says. “You’ve gotta push now, Loki.”

 

“Ah!” he screams as he pushes again.

 

“You’re doing so good, Loki. So good,” Thor praises. He’s peaking around at the baby exiting Loki’s body, Loki notices when he turns to look at him. Thor looks so happy, so amazed, that Loki feels another wave of energy hit him as he continues to bring their baby into the world.

 

“Head’s almost out, Loki. You’re gonna need to get your baby all the way out in the next contraction,” Doctor Vanessa tells him. “Once the shoulders are out, it’s easy. Promise.”

 

When that contraction hits, Loki yells louder than he’s ever yelled before. He pushes as hard as he can, and hears everyone praising him as he continues to push. “Come on!” he screams. Suddenly, he feels those shoulders pass through him, and he cries fresh tears at the feeling.

 

“Good job, Loki. A couple more small pushes, hun,” Doctor Vanessa praises. Suddenly, loud cries fill the room. “It’s a girl,” she says. She lifts the baby girl up so Loki can see her in all her messy, naked glory. “I’m gonna put her on your chest now, Loki.”

 

Then he’s passed his daughter for the first time in his life, and one look at that little face has him ignoring the world around him. He’s vaguely aware of the doctor and nurses talking in the background, and of Thor pressing kisses into his hair; but he is lost to the world around him. His little girl cries her heart out as she curls herself up on his chest. Someone drapes a small blanket over her, wiping her down gently. “Shh,” Loki comforts quietly. “I’ve got you, baby girl. Daddy’s here.”

 

The baby’s cries quiet down, and her little eyes blink open as she turns her head towards the sound of his voice. “Shh, baby girl. Daddy’s got you, I’m here.”

 

The utter bliss that Loki feels in the moment that his daughter recognizes his voice for the first time makes Loki begin to cry anew. Everything comes together, in that moment. In that moment, everything is worth it.

 

When Loki finally is able to be reached by the others in the room, he allows his daughter to be taken from him to be weighed and assessed. “You did amazing, Loki,” Thor says to him. “She’s so cute, and so small. She’s perfect.”

 

“Our perfect girl,” Loki agrees. He moves his face towards Thor’s, resting their foreheads together. “I know that this is not the best time or place to talk about this, but Thor… I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

Loki glances around, but everyone seems to be focused on their own things. He stares deep into his brother’s eyes. “I mean, more than as your brother.”

 

“I do too.”

 

“But-”

 

“That night was not a mistake, in my heart. It wasn’t me being drunk and forgetting who you are, who _we_ are. I had wanted that for, well, probably for _years_. Since the moment I learned what want was.”

 

“Me too, Thor. Me too. But… you left me?”

 

“I didn’t mean to leave you without talking first. You fell asleep, and I was so worried that everyone would know before we got to talk about it, so I slept somewhere else. I tried to beat you, getting up in the morning. But you woke up so early, even as hung over as you were. And when I found you, in the morning, you were dating Tony.”

 

“We were never dating,” Loki admits.

 

“Yes, you were. You dated for a long time, Loki,” Thor says with a frown. “Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine. We just… Tony and I didn’t really date. We were fake dating to get our guys to like us, I guess.”

 

Thor stares at him silently for a second, “You were faking. To attract Steve and Bucky to Tony, and… me to you?”

 

“It’s silly,” Loki agrees.

 

Thor shakes his head and rests his hand on Loki’s cheek. “It’s just… you’ve always had me. You never needed to try to get me, Loki.”

 

About an hour later, Loki is settled down in the hospital recovery room. His daughter lies in his arms, sleeping peacefully. Thor has gone to talk to the others, and allow them to visit. In the meantime, Loki stares down at his adorable baby girl, smiling gently. She is perfect. Little peach fuzz blonde hair stands up on the top of her head, her tiny lips are an adorable shade of pink, and her little chest rises and falls with each breath she takes. Loki feels completely and utterly blessed. His parents had made an upsetting choice to keep something so big from him, but he couldn’t help but feel outright relief at the news. His daughter, who he’d feared could have so many issues because of his and Thor’s actions, is completely healthy. She weighs five pounds, six ounces, and is completely healthy, despite being born several weeks early.

 

He is told that they will both be staying in the hospital for two more full days before they can go home, just to be sure that there are no complications. Doctor Vanessa left not long after the birth, going home for the night. She promised to stop in before he is discharged but assured him that he and his daughter would be in good care.

 

“Are you ready for some company?” Thor asks, and Loki looks up from the baby to where he is standing in the doorway. He nods with a small smile. Thor steps aside to let the others in the room. Tony, Steve, Bucky, Clint, Phil, Natasha, and Bruce all crowd into the room. Several of them have stuff with them, like balloons, flowers, and stuffed animals. Loki laughs as they all attempt to be quiet as they move to stand near the bed.

 

“She won’t break if you guys talk, you know.”

 

“She’s so _small_!” Tony croons.

 

Clint rolls his eyes, “Usually babies _are_ , Stark.”

 

“Well, how am I supposed to know? I’ve never been this close to a newborn baby before!”

 

“She’s even smaller than Becca was,” Steve notes to Bucky.

 

“Yeah, she is. I remember when I first saw her in the hospital, I said that she could have fit in my old Tonka Truck that I had as a kid,” Bucky recalls with a smile.

 

“I installed the car seat base for you,” Clint informs Loki with a grin.

 

Loki raises an eyebrow, “Didn’t know you knew how to do stuff like that.”

 

Clint shrugs, “I’ve been in and out of lots of different foster homes throughout the years. So have babies. I learned pretty quickly, how to help out with all of that, when it meant that I got extra privileges for helping out.”

 

“So are you gonna let us hold the baby, or what?” Natasha asks impatiently.

 

“Sure,” Loki says, holding the baby out for her to take. She takes her carefully, holding her in the crook of her arm.

 

Bruce peers over Natasha’s shoulder, reaching a finger out to stroke over the baby’s soft cheek. “Does this sweet girl have a name?” he asks softly.

 

“I have a name in mind, yes,” Loki admits, noticing that Thor stands up a bit straighter and more tense. “But we haven’t discussed it yet.”

 

“Well, usually hospitals like it when you pick a name out sooner rather than later,” Tony snarks making grabby hands towards Natasha for the baby. She rolls her eyes and starts to slowly hand the baby over.

 

Steve speaks up from Tony’s side, “You know how to hold her, right?”

 

Tony turns to glare at him, “Of course I know how to hold her. Just because I’ve never held a baby before doesn’t mean I don’t know _how_ to hold one.”

 

To his credit, Tony does hold the baby the right way, very safely and cautiously. “So, we were thinking,” Bucky says. “We’d like to help out, in whatever ways we can.”

 

Loki frowns, “What?”

 

“We want to help you with whatever you need,” Steve explains. “Grocery shopping, babysitting, late night diaper runs; you name it, we will do it. At least, until we all go away to school. And even then, we will help out whenever we are able.”

 

“…Why?” Loki asks hesitantly with a raised brow.

 

“Because, despite the large fight you have put up with over the last few months- hell the last few _years_ , I suppose- we actually _like_ _you_ ,” Clint assures.

 

Bruce rolls his eyes and says, “We’re your friends. This is what friends do for each other.”

 

Loki sits in silence for a moment, watching his friends interact with him and his daughter. Through it all, even his relationship with Thor, his own brother, everyone is supportive and caring. All of the things they could be doing and saying right now, and they are offering to help him out. Tears suddenly surprise him by springing to his eyes, “Thank you. All of you.”

 

Thor makes his way towards the bed, swiping Loki’s tears from his cheeks, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

 

Phil smiles and shifts on from foot to foot, “Why don’t we let them spend some time as a family right now, and we can come back later?” he suggests.

 

“Thank you,” Thor says with a relieved smile.

 

Tony begrudgingly hands the baby back to Loki, who settles her in the crook of his arm, enjoying the soft snuffles she makes in response. The entire group leaves the room after murmuring their congratulations as they pass him.

 

“What name have you chosen for our daughter?” Thor asks softly, sitting in a chair next to the bed, gazing down at the beautiful baby girl.

 

“Well, I felt for the longest time that she was a girl, even though I never wished to have my suspicions confirmed or denied. So I had plenty of time to come up with a name. I thought, for a first name, Abigail. In Hebrew, it means “the father’s joy”, and she is a little joy to me. A happy little twist in my story.”

 

“As she is in mine. That is a perfect name for our perfect daughter,” Thor says gently, and Loki grins at him.

 

“I’m glad you think so.”

 

“Do you have a middle name for her?”

 

Loki nods, “I was thinking Frigga, for the woman who raised us,” Loki admits.

 

“Mother will be happy to hear that, Loki.”

 

“Will she?” Loki asks, doubtfully.

 

“I believe so.”

 

“The two boys she raised as brothers made a baby together. Why would she be happy for that?”

 

Thor frowns, “Well, I’m sure it will be an adjustment, for everybody. But they will get over it, with time, and will love Abigail.”

 

“Will they?” Loki asks quietly.

 

“I believe so,” Thor says firmly. “What’s not to love?” he asks, running his hand over the baby’s tiny head. She squirms in response, limbs flinging out in surprise. Thor chuckles quietly as Loki stares up at him.

 

“What are we going to do?” Loki asks suddenly. “I know we made some… confessions right after the birth, but… what are we going to do about it, now?”

 

“Hmm,” Thor hums, pressing his face close to Loki’s, nuzzling their noses together. “Well, we have a lot of choices. I could move in with you and Abigail. Or I could stay at home. We could date. We could tell everyone that we are together, that we have a daughter together, or we could chose who to tell. But I need to be a part of your lives, Loki. Now that I know you feel the same as me, I cannot bear another day living like I’ve never had an impure thought about you.”

 

Loki swallows against the lump in his throat. “You-you’d do that? Move in with me and be a parent with me?”

 

Thor leans back to look him in the eyes, “Just say the word.”

 

Loki sighs and lets his eyes slide shut, “I love you so much, Thor.”

 

“And I, you, Loki.”

 

A lot happens over the course of the rest of the day, into the next. Friends come and go, and soon it is just the trio hanging around for the night. Abigail spends the night in a little hospital cot next to Loki, and Thor sleeps hunched over in the “dad chair” that they’d brought him, that reclines into what looks like an uncomfortable bed. Nurses and doctors drift in and out of the room throughout it all, and the teens wake up feeling as if they’d hardly slept, but both still are running on adrenaline and happiness.

 

The morning is going well, and Loki’s told that he will get discharged in 24 hours. They are finally settling Abigail down in the cot after a feeding when Thor’s phone starts to ring. “Hello?” he answers. He frowns and looks over at Loki with wide eyes. “Mother, Father, yes it’s me…. I’m fine.… He’s fine….” He visibly cringes and bites his lip, all in an expression of nervousness that Loki has never before seen from his brother. “Yes, I can come collect you from the parking lot when you get here. We will explain things when you get here, but-” Thor grows silent. “Sorry for not calling you sooner, and worrying you both…. I’ll see you when you get here, okay.”

 

“I take it that this is it, yes? The moment we have to tell them has come,” Loki murmurs with closed eyes.

 

“Yes, well, I will be with you every step of the way. I’ll take the lead, if you need.”

 

Loki shakes his head. “We will do this as a pair. We got into this together, and we will do this together, too.”

 

Thor goes down to collect their parents, and Loki finds himself cuddling his daughter close to him, hoping all will go well. After a few minutes, the door opens and Loki watches as Thor leads his parents inside. At first, it is obvious that they do not notice the small bundle in Loki’s arms. As they get further in the room, closer to him, Loki sees the instant that Frigga notices the baby. Her eyes grow wide, her hand flies to her mouth, and her expression becomes searching. Loki looks away from her and stares at Odin, trying to gauge his reaction before it actually occurs.

 

“Why did you not tell us that you were in the hospital?” Odin asks a bit angrily. “What happened to you?”

 

“Odin…” Frigga says distantly, setting her hand on his arm. He turns to look at her and then follows her gaze to rest upon the baby.

 

Loki watches as Odin goes through a set of emotions before he finally settles on one. His face turns red and he basically glares daggers at the baby. Loki automatically shifts to hold her tighter to him as he stares at his parents, only glancing over at Thor as Thor does the same to him, before they both set their gazes back on their parents. “What have you done, boy?” Odin asks haughtily as he turns to stare at Loki again.

 

“I had a baby,” Loki answers honestly, ready to deal with what’s to come.

 

“We can see that, you stupid boy!” Odin snaps. It’s loud enough to startle Abigail, who begins to cry at the loud noise. Odin looks at the crying newborn like she’s the spawn of satan.

 

Loki looks down at his daughter, shifting her to better comfort her. “Hush, darling girl, I’m here. Your grandfather is just being very loud.”

 

Odin looks offended at the title, saying, “I am not her grandfather.”

 

“Yes, you are,” Thor says with a glare at his father.

 

“Not by blood,” Odin replies easily, anger getting in the way of his little fabricated lie that he’d put up for years.

 

“Odin!” Frigga gasps, looking over at Loki, who does not appear to be surprised. She frowns at his lack of reaction and looks ready to say more before Loki speaks up, after glancing at Thor to see if he approves.

 

“Actually, you are,” Loki informs him.

 

“You… are adopted, Loki,” Frigga says slowly.

 

“Yes, Thor told me.”

 

“Then…?” she trails off and glances between the pair. Thor stands up tall and squares his shoulders as he looks at their parents.

 

“I’m the baby’s other father,” Thor tells them.

 

Something in Odin obviously snaps and he stalks over towards Loki’s bed fist raised as if ready to strike him. Before he can reach Loki, Thor grabs him and holds him back. “Let me go!” he roars.

 

“You’d truly strike him while he holds his newborn child?” Thor asks, just as angry as Odin. “ _Our_ newborn child?”

 

“Let me go,” he says more calmly.

 

“If you touch either of them, I will not hesitate to show you how much stronger I am. I am not a child any longer,” Thor tells him. “My words are no longer my greatest weapon.”

 

With that, he lets Odin go, and, with one last glare at the three of them, Odin walks out of the room. The tense silence that shrouds the room is obvious to all three adults left in the room. Frigga sighs before speaking up, “I wish you had both trusted me with this, before now. I could have helped with it all.”

 

“I didn’t even trust Thor with this,” Loki admits. “Not until I was in labor.”

 

“We both made mistakes about this situation,” Thor adds. “But we are in love with each other, Mother. And, while we’d appreciate your approval, we will operate without it just as well.”

 

Frigga sighs and waits a few moments before speaking up again, “I will admit that it is not going to be easy…. But in time, I believe I will be able to adapt. You’ve both been very close to each other, since you were very young.” She turns specifically towards Loki, “I regret what my decision to not tell you about your biological parentage has caused you.”

 

“Don’t,” Loki says, surprising both Thor and Frigga. “I wouldn’t change a thing about how things ended up. If I had known, before Thor and I were together, maybe we wouldn’t have our amazing baby girl.”

 

Frigga smiles and looks down at said baby, “May I hold my granddaughter?” Loki smiles and nods as he passes her over. “Look at you, you gorgeous girl,” Frigga coos. “So small, so dainty; like your daddy was when he was a baby. But that beautiful blonde hair is all your papa, hmm?”

 

“She looks so much like her papa that it’s crazy,” Loki agrees with a nod. He glances over at Thor with a smile, “But her papa was a very adorable little one, so I think I’m alright with that.”

 

Thor grins back at him with such a blinding look that Loki just has to laugh as he leans forward to kiss the side of his head. “Her daddy is pretty amazing too,” Thor says and Loki just knows.

 

_Everything is going to be alright._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you thought. I am editing the epilogue probably next week and will be posting the letter to the baby hopefully this week. 
> 
> I may be writing a sequel but I may not be. 
> 
> I have lots of plans so let me know if any appeal to you, as I have some little one-shots of the other characters in the story and some of their stories after the events in this fic, and I have a big story about teenage Abbie and some other teenagers/kids (that may or may not be these characters' kids). 
> 
> Let me know if you like any of those ideas! It's not a promise by any means, but it would help inspire me to know someone wants to see it. If you have any ideas for what I should include in those stories, let me know that as well.


	11. Loki's Note to Abbie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's note to Abbie that he wrote when he was pregnant. (This date tells you I've been writing this for too long, lol).

Loki’s Note to Abbie:

 

_March 2018_

 

_Hello little one,_

 

_As I write this letter to you, as my doctor suggested a few weeks ago, I cannot help but wonder how things are going to work out. I hope you know that the things I write in here are the things that hold true now, when I am twenty-seven weeks pregnant with you. I apologize if any of this offends you or makes you think differently of me. Just know that, no matter how this letter may make you think or feel, I love you more than anything in the world._

 

_When I found out I was pregnant, I was scared, for oh so many reasons. I was seventeen, in high school, and I had a fake boyfriend who was very much not your father. I was scared for all those reasons and even more. Your father and I had a one night stand. And, however much I wanted it to be more than just one night, it was never supposed to be even that. I regret that my actions may have caused you much harm. I do worry that you will never be able to read this on your own, as my choices may have made you so you cannot. I fear so many things may happen to you, my baby, because I was messed up. I fear you may never get a chance to read this, or even have this read to you; all because I wanted something I was never supposed to want._

 

_When I had only known I was pregnant for a very short time, I went to a Halloween party. I held alcohol in my hand and escaped to the bathroom to try to think through things. I knew that if I drank that alcohol, I’d be making the choice to abort you. I regret even thinking of doing such a thing to you. I do not know if I could have done it, even if I had made that choice to drink that night. I do not know that I could have ended a life that had yet to have a fighting chance. But I never will know, because I chose to dump the drink down the drain. I chose to have you._

 

_I debated wether I would keep you and raise you or give you to a family that may have had more to give you. Maybe I am being selfish, keeping you all to myself, but I cannot imagine a life where I don’t get to love you. It took me a long time to come to this conclusion. I dreamt about a little girl, with blonde hair like her father, and green eyes like mine. There was nothing wrong with her, and she had both of her parents with her. My choices hadn’t done a thing to you. When I woke up, your father and I spent a wonderful day together. On New Year’s Eve, we went to our friends’ apartments to spend time with all of our friends. One of our friends, Bucky, has a little sister, Becca. She asked me to put her to bed, and she told me that I’d be a great dad. When I went to sleep that night, I dreamt once more about the same little girl from Christmas. And all of these things together made me know that I was going to keep you._

 

_Oh how I wish everything in that dream could be true for you, my child. I wish you would be born, healthy, and happy, and normal. I wish you’d have both of your fathers by your side. I wish I could be with your father, until the day we die. I wish that we could all be a happy family. I wish I could provide more than enough for you. I wish I could give you everything you could ever want. I wish I could give you a little brother or sister. I wish I could give you a lot of them, actually. I would be so very happy to see so many little Odinsons running around._

 

_A few weeks ago, you started to move around a lot more noticeably. You started kicking and squirming around inside me, and I feel much more connected to you. Your limbs stretch across my belly, and I can see them move under my t-shirts. It looks almost like there is an alien trying to break through my belly when you do it. But it is endearing. And it means that you are alive, and well. I apologize that you won’t see pictures of me when I am pregnant with you, the way you may pictures of others who are carrying babies. The first reason why this is is because my uterus is tilted. This makes my bump smaller than the average bump, and that is why my belly will not be protruding any time soon. The second reason is that no one knows about you, besides me and my doctors. Your grandparents, your father, my friends and extended family, none of them know about you._

 

_It is not that I am ashamed of you. I love you very much and would love to be able to share you with the world. But I cannot, because your father will know it is his baby, and I am not ready for that yet. And I fear that your grandfather would disapprove and disown me. While that does not strike much fear in me, I do fear being alone in this. I hope to be able to get an apartment before you are born, where we will live once you are here._

 

_Right now, though, you are supposedly the size of a head of cauliflower, and you are cute as a button. You have the hiccups, and it is the funniest feeling I’ve ever had, having a little person inside me, hiccuping. Right now, I don’t know what’d going to happen to us. I can wish so many lovely things for us but that does not mean that those things will happen. But I know that, no matter what, I will never stop loving you._

 

_I love you so very much._

 

_Your loving father,_

_Loki Odinson_


	12. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's a short epilogue showing a little more about their lives, post baby.

Epilogue

 

_You were only waiting on this moment to arise. You were only waiting on this moment to arise. You were only waiting on this moment to arise._

 

Loki wakes up to the feel of something soft, accompanied by the feeling of something rough, brushing across his cheek. He smiles without opening his eyes, and hums happily. Hot breath puffs against his cheek as he hears a soft chuckle break through the quiet morning. Loki cracks one green eye open to look at the amazing man sleeping beside him. Thor smiles at him and pecks him on the lips, beard lightly scratching at Loki’s cheek once again. “Morning, sleepyhead.”

 

“Hello, Mr. Morning Breath,” Loki rebuttals.

 

Thor laughs and nuzzles their noses together, “You love my morning breath,” he teases.

 

Loki smirks and pulls Thor so he is covering his body with his own. He pulls Thor’s head down close to his when he’s settled on top of Loki. “Only when it is in my face to kiss me.”

 

Thor grins in response, murmurs, “I think I can handle that,” and presses their lips together in a passionate kiss.

 

Loki laughs against Thor’s mouth as they kiss deeply and passionately. Loki can feel all of their love in this kiss, as he’d been feeling that love for a long time.

 

The sound of tiny feet walking down the hall causes Thor to pull back from the kiss with a grin. He presses a few more small kisses onto Loki’s lips before rolling back to the side, staring at the door as it is gently and slowly pushed open. The door opens all the way to reveal a tiny, perfect little girl, dressed in a light pink nightgown. Her long blonde hair falls far past her shoulders, and is in complete disarray, the epitome of bedhead. “What did we say about knocking, little lady?” Thor asks.

 

“That I should always knock before opening the door. But I could hear you talking!” she defends.

 

“Talking is not always the same as ready for you to come in,” Thor tells her. Then, much more softly and lovingly, “Okay?” She nods in response. “Come over here then,” he says, and Loki holds his arms out towards her. She runs into them and he lifts her onto the bed with them. Her beautiful green eyes gaze into his own as he runs a hand through her long hair, once she has settled between them.

 

“I love you, Daddy,” she says softly, and she giggles when Loki leans forward to kiss her on her adorable button nose, the same nose Loki has seen every day in the mirror, since he was a child. She smiles her blinding smile, just like Thor’s and Loki sits in bliss with his little family.

 

_When they first got home from the hospital, Loki watched with humor written plainly across his face as Thor carefully carried the carseat into the apartment. He held every door open for Loki and beamed with excitement at each passing resident. Some stopped to peer into the carseat and ask the customary “new baby” questions. “How old is she?” was the most popular question, which was quickly followed up with, “Was the delivery easy?” and “How much did she weigh?” Then there were the comments people always felt the need to share, “Oh, she is so adorable,” was the one that Thor enjoyed the most. “She’s such a tiny little thing,” was another common comment. “I could just eat her up,” was the one most of the nurses would say whenever they came in to check on them. Of course, “Congratulations,” was the only one Loki deemed reasonable. Loki was growing tired of the endless supply of strangers that were talking to them._

 

_Thor’s pride, however, every time someone came up to them, was the only thing that kept Loki from getting angry. Thor was constantly beaming at everyone, and speaking softly with awe every time someone asked about Abbie. Loki couldn’t help but smile as well, just because Thor was so happy._

 

_When they finally got into the apartment, Thor gently set the carseat down on the couch and unbuckled Abbie from the confines of her seat. He picked her up and cradled her against his chest, one of his huge hands cupping her head and neck for support. Loki smiled again and walked up to him, sitting next to him on the couch. Loki rest his head on Thor’s shoulder and peered down at their baby girl. She’s dressed in an adorable pink sleeper that Tony, against Loki’s wishes, bought for her. Thor turns his head and kisses the top of Loki’s head, resting his head on top of Loki’s and gazing down at their daughter. “This is my whole life now,”Thor whispers softly. “You two are my whole life.”_

 

_“As you two are mine,” Loki agrees quietly._

 

_The small family of three sits quietly in the living room, boxes from Thor and Loki’s moves cluttering the floor._

 

Loki helps his daughter get ready for the day, getting her into an adorable lilac purple sundress with white polka dots. He puts her hair up in pigtails with white ribbon and lets her put on her favorite pair of white sandals before leading her outside. They are together in their back yard, Loki looking out on her as she skips around with a red twirling ribbon. Ever since Thor brought it home for her a few weeks before, she has spent most of her time outside with the simple little toy.

 

The last four years have brought a lot of changes to Loki’s life. He has his beautiful daughter, whose fourth birthday has just passed. She’s grown so much over the past five years, and is a healthy and happy little girl. They are all together as a family: Abigail, Loki, and Thor. They moved to this house when Abbie was just shy of two years old and had been here ever since. Thor and Loki’s relationship has grown strong and healthy over the years, and now they are more used to telling people they are boyfriends, instead of brothers. Of course, that doesn’t mean that people do not know that they brothers. A lot of people- even outside of friends and family- know. Most of the people who know are pretending not to know about the relationship part of their life, or are flat out disgusted by it. All of their friends, their _true_ friends, are happy for them. They still visit when they are in town, and Thor and Loki make trips to visit them as well. Now, their friends are out of college. Today, Loki and Thor are throwing a barbecue to celebrate everyone’s graduations.

 

The graduations don’t stop at just their friends. Thor finished school at the nearby community college, while working part time to help support their family. He now has a full-time position starting up. Loki has been running his own small business from home to stay with Abbie, while taking online courses. He’s managed to complete all of his necessary courses for his degree, and is working on growing his own business.

 

Amazing accomplishments all around.

 

Loki had never imagined that this is where he would be by now. He’d accepted a certain way of living when he decided to keep Abigail, and this is nowhere where he’d imagined that life leading him. He is living a comfortable life with his amazing family, running his own small business from the comfort of his own home. As much as he had had to sacrifice when he had his daughter, this is a miracle. He can’t imagine a better life, with a brighter future.

 

Thor pulls him from his thoughts by wrapping his arms around him from behind, leaning down to press his head on top of Loki’s. Loki hums happily in response, leaning back into the touch. “You are thinking so loud that I can hear you from inside the house, brother,” Thor murmurs quietly. “What is on your mind?”

 

“I’m just thinking of how blessed I am, to have this wonderful life.”

 

“It is pretty great, isn’t it?” Thor agrees. “I suppose we should be getting ready for everyone to show up soon here soon, yes?”

 

“I suppose we should. Abbie, come on inside with Daddy and Papa and help us get ready for our company.”

 

“Okay, Daddy!” she calls, skipping towards the pair.

 

_Once, when Abbie was four, she was practically bursting with excitement. Her uncle Tony, uncle Steve, and uncle Bucky were coming over to visit. Her uncle Tony was her favorite uncle, and she had a lot of uncles! Abbie was practically vibrating, she was so excited, and her daddy had to tell her to calm down probably five times already, and they still weren’t here. Ever since her parents had told her in the morning that he’d be coming over, she had been buzzing with excitement._

 

_Abbie loved uncle Tony because uncle Tony was fun, and super funny. He was always telling jokes and teasing everyone. It was the best! Uncle Tony also always put Abbie up on his shoulders whenever they were walking somewhere, and he always played with her._

 

_Her daddy told her that she reminded him of her papa, when he was little. Abbie knew that they’d always been friends and so this was not a surprise to her. She liked it when people said she was like her parents._

 

_Uncle Tony shows up and plays wack a mole with her for what feels like forever, and then takes her out for ice cream._

 

Soon after going back inside the house, the doorbell rings. Abbie’s head snaps up from where she’s been looking, at the suds in the sink as she helps Loki wash the dishes. Loki and Thor exchange smiles at their daughter’s enthused response. Loki dries his hands and hands the towel to her to do the same as he lifts her off of the chair she’s standing on to reach the sink. “Go ahead and see who it is,” Loki prompts, grinning as the little girl runs to the front door.

 

“Grandma!” her little voice cheers. “Look at my pretty dress!”

 

“You look beautiful, my darling girl,” Frigga says. “I see your Daddy did your hair for you, as well.”

 

“Do you like the ribbon?” she asks.

 

“I love it,” comes the reply as the two walk into the room. “Hello, boys. How are you both today?”

 

“We are doing well, Mother, thank you,” Thor replies and walks up to hug her. “How are you?”

 

“Oh, I am doing just fine.”

 

“The others should be arriving anytime now,” Loki informs her.

 

“Then I better soak up all of my granddaughter’s love and attention now, before all of those uncles and her aunt show up,” she teases, reaching out to tickle Abbie’s stomach. The girl giggles and shrieks.

 

Tony is the first to show up, a few minutes later, walking into the house without so much as a knock on the door. “Where’s my love bug?” he calls into the house.

 

Thor is the closest one and immediately shouts, “I’m right here, light of my life!”

 

Tony rolls his eyes as he enters the kitchen, shoving the pasta salad and buns in his hands into Thor’s. “Not you, you big oaf, the smaller one.”

 

Loki jokingly pushes a giggling Abbie behind him to try to hide her. She giggles louder as he says, “He obviously means me, Thor!”

 

“Hmm,” Tony says, cocking his head to the side, “Abbie? You’ve gotten a lot taller and more masculine since I’ve last seen you. Did you dye your hair?”

 

Abbie pushes Loki’s hands away and jumps away from him, saying, “No, Uncle Tony, that’s just Daddy!”

 

“Oh, silly me! I thought that was you!” Tony exclaims, crouching down to accept the giant hug. He stands with the girl in his arms and says, “You do look a lot like your Daddy, you know?”

 

“Daddy says that I look a lot like Papa. And Papa says I look a lot like Daddy. I don’t know what to think!” she says and sounds genuinely frustrated and Loki laughs behind his hand.

 

“That’s because your dads are crazy in love. They both see the best of the other in you.”

 

“That’s weird,” she says, crinkling up her nose.

 

Tony copies her expression and nods, “I agree.”

 

“Where are your fiancées, Stark?” Loki asks with an eye roll.

 

“Picking up Becca. They’ll be here in a few minutes.”

 

“Damn,” Thor says, “You couldn’t have went with them, huh? Give us a little more Tony-Stark-less time?”

 

“Rude,” Tony scoffs indignantly, hand over his heart.

 

A knock on the door stops the conversation, as it opens and a voice calls out, “The party can start now, Clint’s here!” Clint enters the room with Phil right behind him. “Hey, lady! Arms up!” he says to Abbie, who giggles and does as told. He scoops her out of Tony’s arms and throws her up in the air, catching her and holding her upside down, laughing at her giggles.

 

“ _Clint_ ,” Phil warns, either hand holding onto one of their twins’ hands as they toddle in beside him.

 

“Awe, look at our adorable godchildren,” Thor coos loudly down at the two two-year-olds. The blonde-haired boy lifts his arms up at him, letting go of his father’s hand. The brown-haired girl steps back slightly, looking up between Phil and Loki with alarm towards Thor.

 

Loki laughs and crouches down in front of the girl. “Don’t worry, Kaylee, that’s just your loud Uncle Thor. He’s not so scary, he just forgets how big he is sometimes.” She holds her arms out to him and he picks her up and stands with her. He smirks at Thor, “And _that’s_ why she’s _my_ goddaughter, not yours.”

 

“Funny,” Thor says, sticking out his tongue. He ruffles Archie’s hair and bounces the two-year-old on his hip.

 

“When’s your papa gonna grow up?” Clint asks Abbie as he rights her in his arms.

 

She smirks, “When are you?”

 

“Oh! Wow, she got you, Barton!” Loki laughs. “That’s my girl.”

 

Clint pouts, “You hurt me, little lady.”

 

She smiles and pats his cheek, “You’ll get over it.”

 

“Wow,” Clint says over everyone’s laughter. “When did your daughter get so sassy?”

 

“Loki’s her father, she was born to be sassy,” Tony replies.

 

“What did we miss?” Natasha asks as her and Bruce come into the room.

 

Bruce is setting down all of the food they brought and smiles, shaking his head. “Who knows, with this lot,” he says.

 

“Did you come together?” Phil questions.

 

“No, but she was getting out of her car when I pulled in, so we just came in together,” Bruce says.

 

Natasha adds, “Despite all of our friends being together, we don’t see the need to hook up, just to close the gates of the friendship group.”

 

“You know that nobody cares about that,” Loki tells them. “We just want you two to be happy.”

 

“Well, happiness doesn’t always mean being in a relationship,” Natasha points out, taking Kaylee from Loki.

 

“Hello!” Becca calls from the doorway, rushing into the room. The eleven-year-old wraps her arms around Loki’s waist, hugging him tightly and pressing her face into his stomach. “I missed you, Loki.”

 

“Missed you too, Becca,” Loki says softly, running his fingers through her wild hair.

 

She pulls back from the hug and walks over to where Clint is setting Abbie down, “Hey, Abbie, I got you a little present.” Bucky hands a small bag to Becca, who hands it to Abbie.

 

Abbie excitedly sticks her hand into the bag and pulls out a pink stuffed bear. “Ooh,” she says. “Thank you!” she cheers.

 

“Wait, there’s one more thing in there. Here, I’ll help you,” Becca says and sticks her hand into the bag and pulls out another bear, this one blue. Abbie appears uninterested, absorbed into the pink bear in her hands. Becca, instead of handing it to Abbie, walks over to Loki and hands it to him.

 

“What’s this for?” Loki asks, already feeling like he knows what she is going to say.

 

“I just felt like you might need it,” Becca says with a knowing look and a small smile.

 

“Ha,” Clint laughs. “She thought you may need a teddy bear!” Phil elbows Clint in the stomach. “Rude,” he says again.

 

“Loki?” Thor asks slowly. “What does she mean?”

 

Loki looks up from Becca’s gaze and looks around at the group. Mostly everybody has seemingly caught onto the implications of the teddy bear. “Surprise?” Loki tells them with a small shrug.

 

“Please tell me we aren’t going to the hospital right now,” Tony begs.

 

Loki rolls his eyes, “No, not for almost eight more months.”

 

Thor furrows his brows in confusion, and Bruce comes and takes Archie from his arms with a knowing smile. “What are you talking about?”

 

Loki smiles and laughs a small laugh, spreads his hands out on his still-flat belly and says, “I’m pregnant, Thor.”

 

Thor’s eyes widen immediately and a huge smile spreads across his face. “Really?” he asks. “You’re _really_ pregnant?”

 

Loki nods, “I’m _really_ pregnant.”

 

Then he’s crossing the room and sweeping Loki into his arms, spinning around in a huge circle and kissing him soundly on the lips. “I don’t think I have ever been so happy before in my life,” Thor admits when he sets Loki down. “We’re going to have another baby, another member of our family. This is amazing.”

 

“And this one you even get to be with, every step of the way,” Loki says happily.

 

“Yes, I do,” Thor agrees, kissing him again.

 

“Ah, get a room you two,” Tony jokes, fake gaging. He crinkles up his nose at Abbie, “So weird.”

 

“We’re having a baby?” Abbie asks, walking up to her parents.

 

“Yes we are, isn’t that so cool?” Thor replies excitedly, lifting Abbie into his arms. “You’re gonna be a big sister!”

 

“Yay!” Abbie cheers.

 

“I think it’s gonna be a boy!” Becca shouts. Bucky tries to shush her but Loki smiles a small smile and laughs.

 

“I think so too,” he admits.

 

Then everyone is laughing and hugging and there are choruses of congratulations all around.

 

Loki thinks, as his friends and family surround him, celebrating his little family: it truly is a crazy, mysterious, messed up kind of life.

 

But it’s his life.

 

And he wouldn’t change it for anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all that read this story all the way through. I may or may not write a sequel of some sort (who knows, I'm a very slow writer so you may never see it), let me know if you have any interest in one and if you are interested what would you like to see? 
> 
> Thank you everyone!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for reading. Please leave kudos or comments if you like this. I accept and love constructive criticism and if you find any mistakes or inconsistencies, please let me know! Also, let me know if anything should be in the tags that isn't already there and if I should include any warnings in the notes of a chapter.


End file.
